Anyone having a simple wedding?

I had originally wanted to go to City Hall and get married just the two of us but changed my mind in the end and im now having a small wedding of 20 people and a party at night.

Whilst we are having some of the traditional stuff, i.e. best man, bridesmaid etc we are not having bells and whistles. Everything is pretty much basic and I am not getting caught up on colour co-ordinating and center peices. I think if thats what makes people happy then go for it but personally its not me.

For me my wedding is about spending the day with the people who are most important to me and if the guests aint happy with that then tough! I think some guests have high expectations of peoples weddings and they would do well to remember what they are there to celebrate in the first place!

Very true. I don't think that, unless you have been married recently or have a member of your family who has been married (and you shared the arrangements with), many people have much of a clue just how much a wedding costs these days.

It is possible to still do things like table centrepieces etc without spending £100 a table, and of course so many things are just "extras for the sake of it".

Two people that love each other, two witnesses, a registrar and no "lawful impediments" are really all that's needed. Everything else is gravy.

Im looking at having a simple wedding, immediate family and best friends. About 15 of us. Mainly due to money and time. I did want the whole big shebang to start with, but im happy going for a gorgeous meal and having a mini wedding so to speak, still making the table look beautiful, having a mini cake, and drinks etc but all under £1000, thats everything, food drink, decs, dress, fees. At least im not feeding 100+ distant relatives at £50 a head!!

Aw you decided then Shelly? That's good news.

Hi Trickers,

It is actually my third (oops - number 1 husband tried to kill me - yes, really- and number 2 I was with for 19 years and 3 children, but I ended up feeling like wallpaper) and I suppose there is a small part of me that feels that therefore I do not deserve a big fat wedding, but mostly I want the spiritual aspects of the church service (which we are wonderfully allowed to have) and am not bothered about the rest. I genuinely couldn't be fussed about what napkin fold or table sparkles I have, or a colour scheme (it's ivory) or a theme (it's him and me getting married).

We are having around 70 people to the church, so in numbers terms it isn't tiny, It's just that I could never justify the cost of all the extras that we don't feel are important.

The only thing I would love is a proper wedding dress, but can't spend £1,000+ on something to wear for half a day. My dress is "all right" and cost £60 plus a bit of faffing with the sewing machine.

Just wonderd if I was ther only person who was only intersted in a meaningful ceremony and s*d the rest!?

This is actually the flashest wedding I have had! Which says not a lot - but perhaps highlights the change in the wedding industry over the past 30 years!

I tend to agree on the majority of having a simple wedding but this is my 2nd time around and my 1st wedding was bloody awful, horrible dress, food done ourselves etc etc just really naff so this time is all singing and dancing, having the works... always wanted my dream wedding and I'm getting it this time and I really enjoying all the hype and excitement with the details and planning. So, yes, i think if someone has been married before and they have had their dream wedding the first time then the majority do go for something simple the 2nd time but as mine was awful the 1st then this time its going to be so much better.

Good for you KBS. We should all have what we want.

I also had that sort of wedding for both my previous (but still don't care about napkin folds!)

My fiance had a big white wedding first time round with the hotel reception, so part of me wonders if this is a come down for him. of course he says not, but I still wonder... However, the spiritual aspect is very much to the fore this time.

(mind you, he honeymooned at Butlins, whereas we are going to Mauritius...)

Yeah think so, its either a slap up meal which we can afford to be done really nice with close family and best friends, or a village hall and buffet, but i have decided its my big day so i want it to be as beautiful and lovely as possible, i dont wanna scrimp and it be cheap, no offence to village halls, we just cant afford to do it all nicely. And the most important people will be there so its ok with me now. Iv made my peace with a little wedding ha!

This is my first wedding and I'm trying to have it as simple as possible. Although it's a big wedding in the number of people there, I'm having one bridesmaid, no colour scheme, cars, flowers or favours. What matters to me is the marriage. I think it's easier as I was a tomboy so do not have my 'dream' wedding in mind. I just want OH there and family and friends to share the day with me. As a guest, i don't think I have ever paid attention to whether the stationary has matched the colour scheme of the day, I don't take notice of the flowers or favours, I'm there to share the day of the friend or family that's getting married. I notice how happy they seem. I guess if all the planning and the bells and whistles make the bride and groom happy then I'm all for it, but as a guest it's just not that important.

AmnesiaCustard, I got ya! That's three people I know here....

Well i would not say my wedding is very extravagant, church and then back to the village hall for hogroast and buffet. There will be about 55 at most and no extra evening guests - but i do have centrepieces, colour scheme etc etc but the most of it is DIY or friends or a friends doing it for mates rates etc

I think you will find that there will not be many "simple" wedding people on here as there is much less to plan.....??

I had a simple wedding, no bridesmaids, no giving me away and it was the only wedding I've had.

Think it depends what you want from it, I wanted stress free, with only the people that I really wanted there.

I thought that I was having a simple wedding! I guess we are compared to most, but we are still having some bells and whistles. Registry office, vintage dress (flowers grown by mum, 2 bridesmaids (no bouquets), no groom entourage, uncle taking photos (hardly any staged photos), meal (stew followed by wedding cake) in a very unglamorous village hall, cake made by friend etc etc. I guess ours is homemade as much as poss... we have large families and have close friends who we really want to part of the day, and it was a case of all or nothing. We ended up opting for all as we decided we would make it a big party, but we are being true to ourselves and the party will be a larger version of what we might throw in our flat. Our only indulgence is a 50s Rock N Roll band.

My H2B's siblings have all married or are planning a wedding. Each wedding seems to have been more glam than the previous one. The first had a reception in a marquee on the beach (thanks to the bride giving cash bribes to the National Trust), the second was in a manor house and had a gospel choir, harpist and basically the works. The next one will be held in a castle. All lovely and a great time was held by all but I sometimes worry that people will be comparing the weddings and ours will deffo come out as least flash. That's not what it is about for us.

I think people expect only what you tell them. If you say you are having a £2000 dress, the car, harpist etc, then they will expect glamour. If you say that you are having a simple wedding, they will expect that. I think a wedding should be true to the couple who are getting married- I imagine that your wedding will still reflect you as a couple. Guests will just want to see a very happy bride and groom!

Yeah for us it's a marriage at the Town Hall, then a meal with family and very close friends and then a little bit of time to chill out ( and let the dog out lol ) and then a night time party at a club where we sort of met.

Simply does it.

I think with being pregnant too, i couldn't be bothered with anything more than that. xx

Gabs, knittingvixen et al, couldn't agree more. You have said it so eloquently.

It's nice to be on here and talk to other people in a similar position for the excitement and anticipation of impending nuptials, regardless of the quantity of planning required. For me, it's about growing into the marriage, and this is all part of it.

FTLOMB, I know who you are too...I'd recognise your fabulous dress anywhere!

It is nice to know im not alone, i feel like the only one who isnt stressing over centrepieces lol xxxxx

I am having the lot, fripperies and all! First wedding was so, so,so boring. I kept saying I didn't care about stuff like bridesmaids and favours and having everyone at the wedding breakfast but this time I really do. It'll cost a bit (still miles less than the average wedding) but we will work bloody hard to get there.

I guess my wedding will be frippery then.. ? Although I'd just say it was my dream wedding tbh, it's gonna be perfect.

I have the fairytale Castle, the beautiful car, Groomsmen, 4 bridesmaids, homemade jam and soap favours, Photographer with premier package, Caricaturist to draw my guests, games for the kiddies in a seperate room, meal for 160 people, cupcakes, centrepieces, I'll have the big dress (when I find it!), all of the Groomsmen and Dads will have matching suits and lots more finishing touches.

Oh, and I'm a budget bride ?

Yeah, me too Shelley.

We're doing what's important to us (mostly music in church) and the rest is very low key. Am hoping guests are not expecting something more extravagant, which seems to be the norm these days!

I'm sure people thought our wedding was extravagant, since it was in a castle. But we live in North East Scotland and there are probably more castles than Starbucks up here! We chose it because it could take our numbers and had a brilliant dance floor for the ceilidh, not for any other reason. We had a big wedding because it's a chance to share our day with family and friends (not the reason for the wedding, the reason for a big wedding) - I live far away from my family so it really was wonderful to see everyone.

Weirdly I still think of it as a simple wedding - we had the ceremony in a very plain chapel, my sister played the piano, my grandmother and MIL made the welsh cakes and shortbread, we got a cake from M&S, we made all the stationary ourselves, the food was very simple and we served the cake as a pudding. I wasn't bothered about favours but OH wanted them, and we ended up buying chocolate lovespoons from a chocolate farm 2 miles away from my family home, where OH had bizzarely visited when he was 7! So even though favours are probably considered 'frippery', it was actually a nice personal thing for us, a reminder that 18 years ago OH and I were only a couple of miles apart! I tried to make it as personal as possible - we had photos of us at various ages as table numbers and I made a display of family wedding photos to honour family members that had passed away.

Anyway, in amongst all the rambling, what I'm trying to say is every wedding will be about 2 people getting married - everyone's wedding will be the best day of their lives, no matter how 'simple' or 'extravagant'. In terms of what guests expect, I've never expected anything and think to do so is quite rude - you go there to share in someone's day and be happy for them. But obviously some guests do expect things - someone wrote in our guestbook "Didn't like that speeches were before the meal, disappointed no pudding but had 2 bits of cake to make up for it." !!!!

Oh my god, seriously?!

That's the sort of comment you'd right in a B&B guestbook, not a bloody wedding, how rude!

Yes, seriously! I know, it wasn't a blinkin' comment book! Everyone else wrote nice things though!

Oh my farking God if someone wrote that in my guest book I would have kittens! How VERY DARE someone do a review of your wedding?! Fair enough if they want a snark behind your back but that is out and out rude.

If I was a guest at a wedding I wouldnt "expect" anything other than to celebrate the lovely day with the couple. I wouldnt even think twice if there were no favours or pudding or anything as long as I had fun!

That guestbook comment made me laugh. What a cheek. Maybe they were trying to be funny! Did they leave a Trip Advisor review as well?

It really was quite bizzare - they're old friends of OH's parents and they can't quite believe their friends wrote it either (and it definately wasn't a joke). And it's not like there wasn't any pudding, we served cake as pudding with some cream, then coffee and tablet - and they'd already had some sparkling wine, welsh cakes, shortbread, table wine and 2 courses! Cheeky beggars.

Oh god that's even funnier that they actually signed it too! I thought it was an anon comment.. I hope you didn't send a thank you card!

?

Sorry, I know it isn't funny for you but if someone wrote that in mine I'd clout them round the head with it!! What do they want for free??!! (ok so they may have spent a bit on getting to the wedding etc but seriously!!!)

What appalling manners. (But I did laugh a bit too!) How temtpting to write a thank you letter saying

"Thank you for the gift. It was very nearly lovely but we would have preferred it in red and also larger. It looks a bit mean, so we have put it in the garage.

May I also point out that, although you had obviously tried very hard, your shoes did not go with your outfit and your handbag was just a tad too clunky to be appropriate.

I do hope the pudding and speeches debacle did not spoil your day. It certainly didn't spoil ours!"

That's brilliant! We're in the middle of the thank yous at the moment and am so tempted to say something!

(Also, they live 5 minutes away from our venue and we provided them with a bus home!)

What a cheeky b*gger!!! how very dare they! I would be fuming! Definitely would scratch them off my christmas card list!

Kj82 - I find it hilarious, don't worry!