Anyone having problems with their guests?

I'm so sorry that you're having problems with this! What an awful position to be in.

From the sound of your post, I take it that your OH's cousins aren't married, engaged, or live with their SOs? If they are, I think the situation becomes trickier. But, if they aren't then I think you're completely in the right to withhold +1s (though you would have a stronger case if you didn't provide +1s to anyone, including your siblings -- but, of course, doing so is your prerogative!)

If you OH's auntie and uncle have threatened not to come over this, I think you should just let them live out their threat. IMO, you shouldn't placate their childish behaviors by allowing your auntie and uncle and the other couple to give up their places. It sounds like you took a position that you don't want to pay for strangers to watch you get married, and that should be that. I'm sure you probably have other friends or family (without +1s) you'd prefer to invite if spots opened up!

We've given +1s to all our single guests, but that's because 1) a number of our guests are traveling from overseas; 2) many others of our guests won't know anyone else at the wedding; and 3) most of our guests are married, engaged, or living with their SOs. For those guests that don't fit into any of these categories, they have been very conservative in their +1s, only bringing their long-term SOs (though not living together) or not bringing anyone at all.

I think it's ridiculous that you're having to deal with this!

Nope im not inviting partners that we dont know either. we are only having 30 at the ro anyway and so some of our friends partners who we do know cant come to that but will come on later!

sorry no caps my daughter is asleep on one arm lol xxx

Ooh - forgot to add one thing I am annoyed about, which is a bit of reverse of your situation. We have a few guests who won't attend because their SO isn't able to! I find this a bit childish, as aren't we as adults able to go to things on our own?!!!

Haha i am also eating a full tube of pringles to myself...diet...tomorrow!

we are not inviting any cousins on one side to the daytime due to this! i think if they are married/living with there partners or been with years etc then you should invite them...i didn't want to invite strangers therefore i didn't have the cousins! sounds silly but i know i can't invite the cousins without their partners so its all or nothing...i am however inviting some cousins we are a lot closer to and i will be inviting their partners even if i don't know them too well...as long as they are over the 6 month mark then all our 'single guests at the moment' will be having their partners invited...

we have accounted for everyone that is single now (i think about 6ish including cousins, friends and sibling) to have a plus one within our numbers these plus ones will be STRICTLY partner only and having been together 6 months plus if they aren't in a relationship then our numbers will be lower!

how many partners would you have to invite? if it's one or two i would grin and bear it but if its a lot (mine was about 4/5 plus babies) then i would stick to your guns!

Your always going to upset someone! Good Luck! x

Room for family only in the day, which makes things a bit simpler. No plus ones for any of our relatives unless married or engaged. Only one requested a plus one after their sole invite, luckily we have room for them, so we don't mind. We are inviting all our friends partners to the evening, as we are all mutual friends. The issue for us is only inviting friends' children, where we know the children themselves- this has left one couple, who never socialise with us with their children, coming without their children being invited whilst almost everyone else's are attending...

I forgot to mention that invites haven't even gone out yet so this is just the backlash of what has been heard on the grapevine!

I have one brother and his girlfriend is invited because she is the mother of his daughter who is also our flower girl. OH has 2 brothers, one is married so his wife is obviously invited, and the other is single but we feel it would be unfair for him to not get a plus one.

Other than that, the only other people invited are in couples so are married, have kids, or people that we know both parts of the couple. This leaves one friend of mine who is single but won't come without a plus one as she won't know anyone she she has a plus one.

All our cousins have boyfriends/girlfriends but they are all under 20 and none of them live together and we have never met any of their partners. I'd also put money on most of them not being together this time next year given how young they all are!

To be fair, I'd be miffed if one of OH's cousins was getting married and invited him and not me, but we live together and are getting married so I think it's a little bit different.

Plus the fact that they'll know loads of people there as it is their family! Not like they will be by themselves! Ahhhhhh!

Mrs*W*2B, agree with how you did it! I don't have any cousins to invite, but my HTB has loads, as his father was one of 9 or 10 children (I can never remember the count)! We aren't even inviting all aunties and uncles. My HTB said that he wouldn't recognize most of them on the street even if he ran smack into them! However, we had a bit of a drama at the start of the engagement when one auntie basically demanded an invitation. The nerve! I know some people feel that "family is family" and should always invite family first, but why should we have to cut down on friends so that a family member who we'd only see at funerals (if that) can show up? I'd rather a good friend get to bring a +1 (even if a stranger!)

I would say ditch the single brothers plus one and that frees up another space! Surely if he's not even dating then a plus one isnt necessary, its not like hes going to be on his own and not know anyone, he may bring a big sweaty horrible footy mate or something! ?

Invite who you want to invite and let the others moan! No one is entitled to an invite, family or not.

My parents are hosting and paying for ours and they have basically insisted that they invite some of their cousins - who i don't know - I initially refused but seeing as they are paying (big mistake, i wish i hadn't agreed, it's not like I can't afford it, just that they really wanted to do it the traditional way) I have relented a bit and as a compromise we have invited a few, but only if i know them personally. One of them has grumbled about why her kids haven't been invited but I don't even know them and she has four which we simply don't have space for.

Also my mum's uncle in Canada asked TWICE if he was going to get an invite (he originally wasn't on the list) and my mum felt bad so invited him as we had space at that point. Luckily he then turned it down (not sure why he even asked in the first place!) but the cheek of it!

We've done the same thing with cousins and siblings tho - if they are married or engaged, their OH get an invite, if not, then it's just them and tough luck. My OH's brother who is BM and my sister who is MOH are both single and we haven't given them a +1.

I'm not sure who is gearing who up to be honest! They are sisters and we have only heard from FMIL, not the aunt, but she has been 'passing on the message'. I don't know if FMIL is stirring or if her sister is kicking up a fuss and she is the messenger. They are both pretty feisty when they want to be!

OH has had words with his mum and told her in no uncertain terms will his cousins partners get an invite. As far as he's concerned that's the end of it - I just hate conflict!

Because i have more cousins who I rarely see than immediate family, they are evening guests only. I would tell them if they want their partners to come they will be evening guest only. If you can only have 50 guests it is non negotiable. It makes my blood boil when people start making demands. One cousin who asked my mum why aren't i coming all day was told if you can pay $100 then you can come all day. Her face said it all, they soon realise weddings are not cheap!

I have a couple of single girlfriends who are coming without a plus one. Hopefully they'll get to know others on the hen party, so it shouldn't be a problem*

*except one of them has now let me down and won't be coming!

Keep it depersonalised. We made a rule that we were only inviting people we had actually met. Conveniently this meant generally long term partners of friends were included, and random boy/girlfriends of my cousins weren't. We just said we needed to keep numbers down for fire regs and this seemed the fairest way to do it. And we said that if we had lots of people decline, we would of course review and expand it to other partners if space.

We didn't have many people decline so we didn't invite the extra partners. It did cause upset with some cousins, but it's a reasonable enough rule, no?

Hi, I'm new on here - I'm having the same sort of problem - our daytime guests are limited to 40 as part of our package (we're on a tight budget) and extras are £40 each. As my parents have six siblings (and their children too), we decided all aunties and uncles (and cousins) were only going to be invited to the evening. Well my grandad on my dad's side of the family didn't like this, and has decided that if "his children aren't invited" (they ARE!!) then he isn't coming. So he isn't coming. I'm not very happy about it because he's upset my nana, but I'm not being dictated to - I haven't seen the aunty on my dad's side for five years, she's lucky she got an invite at all!

Basically you have to do what's right for you two - if people are going to be immature enough to do things like this, do you really want them at your wedding?

Cford09 do you have the option to invite family in the evening instead? That's what we've decided to do. I have a huge family and so does my h2b. However we've decided to invite 30 immediate family only for the ceremony/wedding breakfast and 10 friends each. My other half has six aunty and uncles, over twenty cousins and then THEIR kids...and that doesn't even include my extended family! There was no way we could afford to pay for all these people. So instead we're inviting them as evening guests and providing evening canapes for them. I know people will not be happy with this but sorry, it's our wedding. Could you do something similar to this?

x

This is the silly thing - we have told them they are more than welcome to bring them to the evening! All my other aunties, uncles and cousins are only invited to the evening so I'd think they'd think themselves lucky that they are too!

Families, who'd have them!?

I've only invited partners if they are long term partners. I'm not giving people the option to bring a mate from work or someone they had a fling with last week. Stand your ground!

I've been amazed with how people react around guest lists. Mostly my mum saying if you invite so in so you need to invite this or that person! eh no, I don't. I've also had someone expecting me to invite extras to my hen night that I don't know, I'm totally sick of it!! and because I said no they've went in a huff and said they won't attend then, fine by me!!

With 3 and half weeks to go, my fuse is getting quite short, and I've started telling people straight. Early on the in guest list planning, I was a bit mousy and be like "I'll see if it will work"....

Now I'm like F off

Hey me and OH met when we were 16 and 17 and over 5 years later still going strong haha!!

i think it depends on how long they have been together rather than age...when i was 19 i had been with OH for 3 years and if he was invited to a wedding although i would never expect an invite i think many would have invited me...if they are month long relationships then noway! as i said our situation was that they all had long term partners that we hadn't met and we decided not to invite any of them rather than all of them...i think your being fair by saying they can come to the evening... x

Oh good.

A family of THREE we invited, have RSVP'ed for FOUR.

YAY!!!!!

Oh no! Who's the fourth? What's the situation?

Depending on the situation, I probably wouldn't let this slide. It boils my blood just to think they did this to you, as it's really so rude!!!

Oh dear me ! have we all forgotten the wedding tradition of including " addition guest spaces required?" on our invitations ???

I've never heard of anyone including an uninvited guest on their RSVP for a wedding.

Think I'd call them and tell them there is no space...It is so rude !

This hasn't happened to me yet (thank goodness!), but I have heard of it happening to others. For instance, I had a friend who invited a couple with a daughter that was still living with them and attending university, and on the RSVP they included her boyfriend! I've also seen it happen where you just invite 1 person (no plus 1) and he or she includes a plus 1. 1.

*UPDATE* *UPDATE*

Oh my.

So - my FFIL doesn't have much contact with his family (i.e. until him and his brother started talking again... I should also mention this happened when OH and I got engaged...) Anyway, we send out a day invitation to his brother, wife and their son as a gesture for FFIL. (To at least have some family there).

As above - invited three, receive RSVP for four (turns out the fourth person is the wife's mum... wtf)?!

We text the brother and ask him to reconfirm as we only invited/have room for three.

Queue at least 25 missed calls over the weekend and the brother and wife going round to OH's parents house to try and 'get them on their side' (It fails).

He finally sends a text tonight reconfirming that there will be FOUR people attending.

Oh has replied: 'The invitation was for THREE people only. If you are not happy with this, then you leave us no choice but to cancel your wedding invitation. Do not contact us again'.

BAAAMMM!

FYI - Emotional blackmail fails once again ;-)

Hmm, as far as I'm concerned, no unmarried/engaged SOs will be invited to the day. Unfortunately for me, almost all of my family, cousins included, are married or engaged. So for our 62 person day guest list, my half is ENTIRELY family, with 8 of my cousins bumped down to the evening list as it is. Ugh.

Aww so sorry you're having to deal with this!! We're only inviting family/very close friends through the day (still 60!!) I sense some problems with OH family nearer the time as there are A LOT of family friends (would put our total past 100 easily) which we cant afford and both want a laid back fun day with people WE know really well, not our families friends. The only SOs we are not inviting is our BMs,Ushers etc, but they are coming in the evening. Not only for numbers, but the BM etc are all sitting at the top table so they wouldnt know anyone.

S x

We only invited long term partners, the only person who got a plus one was my brother and he didn't even use it in the end!

Your guest list has nothing to do with your future parents in law, or anyone else.

Agreed - it's just such a joke because my OH hasn't even SEEN this family in about 8 years. They haven't been there for him, ever - FFIL wasn't talking to his brother for some years, so he just hasn't been in OH's life at all. But we wanted to do this for FFIL.

If we knew and loved the family as they are (with the mother included) we would of course have invited all of them. But we don't, far from it. And finally, anyone who tries to BULLY us into inviting anyone - is no family of ours.

This is a day of celebration after alll!!!

It's just a shame he's done that to FFIL - but that's selfish users for you.

Ho hum!

x

My hardest part of the enitre wedding planning was the guest list! we just invited who we wanted to and who we knew. this meant we invited some OH's of cousins and friends but only the ones we actually knew and liked. if we haven't ever met them then the oh's were not invited.

This includes my stepdad's girlfriend - has been with him for 3 years but i have never met but she was upset she didnt get invited!! seriously!

we also only invited some of my cousins - because there are just too many of them - but luckily most of them understood - and I'm not the first one in my family to do this with the guest list so that also makes it easier.

At the end of the day cutting people out of the wedding is really hard, but you have to do what's right for you. they'll get over it eventually or come to realise that you can't invite the whole world.

good luck xxx

Thanks

We're not having anyone there (to share the happiest day of our lives) who bullies or uses emotional blackmail to get what they want. No chance.

Also, It's a wedding - not a therapy session!

x