Anyone know about division of assets in the event of divorce?

I don't but assuming it is T? One hopes she gets everything and he gets s knee in the nuts every hour for the rest of his life ?. Poor love.

I don't know how things work in the UK but here there is no easy look it up in a book answer. Usually full financial disclosure is required from both parties. Lawyers will then generally try and negotiate a fair settlement so both parties are able to go forward in life. Fairly often for this to happen it requires capital assets (such as houses/pensions) to be realised. If the lawyers are unable to reach a settlement then it will be up to the Court to decide. The best thing your friend can do is get together as much financial info as possible, bank statements, repayment figures for any loans, an idea of the value of the matrimonial home, credit card statements, pension statements and anything else relevant. The lawyer will need all this information and as some of it takes a while to put together the best way to help and thereby keep legal fees down is to be as prepared as possible.

Hope that helps

Thanks both, yes Puss, it's T.

Really it's only the house equity, and one loan. I don't think either is too worried about anything else. Personally I'd take it as far as it needs to go to get the best result, but she'd be happy with the roof over her head. She's keen to pay him off, but not at the level he seems to think he's owed, which is based on prices in Cloud Cuckoo Land.

Hi JK,

I have limited knowledge though have been through it...... and came out unscathed on the other side!

Are children involved? Does she work? What kind of salary do they both earn? Did either but in a lump sum when they bought the house?

Once again, I am in T's husband's situation ? In her situation, I would press for valuations on the property from EAs and then push hard, now, for a settlement based on that - the values are likely to be v low and she will be able to pay him bargain basement rates.

Mutual voluntary financial disclosure re all areas and (if not agreed) 3 x basic estate agent house valuation should provide enough info to agree figures if they are actually keen to settle it!

This is going to be an awful time for her, whether they're trying to keep it 'fair' or not.

Having positive support from my family and friends really really helped. There were times when I felt like a tidal wave was going to engulf me but with loving support things eventually didn't seem so bad. I had a brilliant solicitor (who I paid on a weekly basis) with a wicked sense of humour who also helped keep me 'up' when things got me down. during the divorce process.

Don't know what's changed in the 10 years since I did my diet and got rid of 12 stone of ugly fat (!)? - after announcing he wanted a divorce (out of the blue) he wanted me to sit down the next day and sort out the finances (charmer!) advice given to me by a good friend wasn't to rush this side of things. So glad I listened.

Things that were taken into consideration then:

My salary, his salary (about £15k per year more than mine), his pension - at that time I didn't have one and he had a decent one. Any savings would have been looked at but as he'd been syphoning these off into another account there wasn't a lot left! We were told to look at our possessions to see if we agreed and if not the solicitors would negotiate.

Had the feeling that had we not had children the house and everything else would have been split 50/50.

As we had children it worked out that he was only entitled to 25% of what the House was worth. After taking everything into account I ended up paying him £12k (which was nearly a year's salary for me then). I was glad to pay this off (raised by adding to what became my mortgage) in one lump as it meant he was out of my life for good. I made sure I had all his details (including the bank accounts I knew he had, his pay details, insurance policies etc) when I went to the Solicitor.

During negotiations please try to encourage her to remain unemotional (easier said than done I know) so that she looks after her best interests. Its tempting to think that because you've been married to someone and cared for each other (in the past) that things will be the same when you divorce - in my case my ex turned into a cold and hard 'negotiator'.

This sounds horrendous - and at the time it felt like my life had ended , but after a while I knew it was the best thing that could have happened. Took me a bit of time to learn to trust again and for a few years I was ever so cynical about men but then I eventually met my OH (who's lovely) and life is now good.

Give her a big ?

Thanks all.

Sophie, I take it the Bane of Your Life is still in the marital home, and in that way it's the same? The soon to be ex Mr T was the one who had an affair and then left...

A.A.H, that describes pretty much what she's going through. It's been a year now, but she's not really much better than she was when he left TBH. They were living together for 7 years, and married for 3 of those, but he seems to think that although they both had nothing when they met, because he bought a property when they first got together (and only 4 months before she moved in and started paying him half the mortgage), the equity they put into the second (joint mortgage) property is all his, and anything she gets is by his goodwill. There is (and in retrospect never was) any sense of partnership.

I don't think he really 'gets' sharing, as a principal.

Worst of it is that secretly I think she thinks the same, because she has no self-esteem whatsoever.

Gah.

As I say, thanks everyone. So kind.

Yeah, its really tough when the other one doesn't appear to have any feelings or any memory of having any feelings.

My exOH was (and still is) completely money orientated.

I completely lost my self esteem.

Once I realised what an absolute b*****d he had become (yes he did have another woman - but that's another story) I was able to let go of my 'old feelings' for him and do things to look after me.

She'll need to make sure she has records of her payments/the joint mortgage - the more records of everything she has the better. He sounds, like they all do when they're like him/my ex, a real piece of work who will only look after him!