Are there any brides here who have recently lost their mum...

Hi, I havent lost my mum, but i have lost my only daughter and it does knock me sick and extremely sad knowing that she wont be there on my wedding day, so i can sort of imagine how hard it would be without your mum ☹️

I wouldn't say it was recent (ten years ago) but it is still a relevent question.

Personally I have very mixed feelings obviouslt I am happy to be getting married and grateful so many of my family will be there to help me celebrate but there is a bitter sweet touch to the whole thing.

My mum has missed all the big events for me (and my sister) Graduations PhD first jobs, birthdays etc... Each is hard but the wedding is the hardest every one expects you to take your mum dress shopping and for her to help with planning and it is a rea reminder that she is no longer around. And on the day I will miss her. However she would never want it to spoil the day and so I shall be happy and remember all the good things. OH and I will also drop some flowers ar her memorial plaque on the way from the church to the reception venue as our way to include her in the day.

Its nice to know I am not alone.

I lost my mum just over 18 months ago, was a massive shock and she was only 54.

6 months after she died my sisters wedding day came along and although it was very hard I kept strong for my sisters sake to support her.

Now its beginning to dawn on me that my mum wont be by my side at this important day and I find it really upsetting when shops/suppliers/venues etc all mention "mother of the bride"

I am planning on keeping my bouqet and taking it to my mums grave the morning after

x

I am lucky to still have my mum, but H2B's mum died in december 2008 and i know he is finiding it pretty hard going, he doesnt like to talk about it all too much, but he has made a point in wanting to remember her on our day, we are having some of her favourite songs played whilst guest are being seated, she will be mentioned in both his and the BM speech H2B also wants to give his sisters a handtied posy of yellow roses each (the flower they threw in the sea when scattering her ashes) at the point we give thank-you gifts, and you may or may not have seen my thread about arranging a dove release as a celebration of our day but also in her memory and i have not told H2B about this.

I can only begin to imagine what it must feel like not to have your mum there to share the WP excitment etc with, and im sure i dont even come close as to how it REALLY feels to be in that situation.

I think i would probably end up having quiet times 'with her' maybe when making up stationary, favours, writing list tableplans etc it would then feel like im still sharing it with her, but hey like i said thats just what i imagine i would do, i really couldnt say for sure how i would be feeling or what i would be wanting. x x

? to all

Hi girls

Mine was 6 years ago - and it still feels like yesterday

I know im gonna feel terrible on the day- no matter how much i try and smile. We've tried to include her in the day as much as possible- i know H2B is mentioning her in the speech, we have charity pins as our favours (she died of cancer) and i'm attaching her wedding ring to my bouquet on the day)My dad is also doing the wedding as he is a priest- and im looking forward to the specila touches from him.

I'm dreading a moment like on the cancer resaerch advert- with the girl in her wedding dress when she says "my mum should be here" ☹️

Belinda- i love your idea of putting your bouquet on the grave- I may see if my dad will do that for me.

I recently went home to clear out my old bedrooms in my dads house- whilst i was rummaging around i found a pic of my mum on her wedding day that ive never seen before-

Its of her getting ready to leave the reception in the wedding car and she has the biggest smile i've ever seen. My mum was the kinda woman who hated having photos taken so i have hardly any to remember her by.

Needless to say this photo has been in my purse since i saw it and i'll have it with me when getting ready

M xx

Meggles24 - your message had me welling up (hugs)

I am hoping to have a memory candle at the desk where we sign the register that both me and H2B can light, but I need to confirm this with the registrar to make sure it is ok.

Im also hoping that a little pouch can be sewn within my wedding dress as I would like to place my mums cross chain in there - I wear that everytime I go to a dress shop so I feel she is with me.

I dont want to have anything "too" obvious on the day as my dad finds it very upsetting and he really struggled at my sisters wedding.

x

Thankfully my mum is still alive but my step dad died last year in October, he was like my dad and would have walked me down the aisle. It was sudden and really not expected. But ill be having a something special there that day to remind me of him. Not sure what yet but a little momento. And also he will be mentioned in my speech.

Good Luck girlies x

Hi Ladies,

Ah, been getting all choked up at my desk reading these. Am really sorry to you all, I haven't lost my Mum, but lost my Dad 6 1/2 years ago so can empathise in some ways, but know that nothing can really compare to losing your Mum. We are also trying to incorporate my Dad into our wedding, but trying not to make it into a huge thing as I know he would want it first and foremost to be "our wedding day." My Mum is giving me away and she found a silver £5 coin that my Dad got the three of us when we were little to give to me and my sisters on our wedding days in the future, that I'm going to get sewn into my dress. It will be my something old and I will feel his presence with me I'm sure all day. We are also hoping to light a candle after the service Belinda, I think that is a really lovely thing to do and will give you a moment with your Mum. My OH is going to do a toast to him in the speech, sadly they never met though. I know in some parts of the day I will be really upset but I hope I can do him proud by having a really special day and a celebration more than a tribute to him, I know he wouldn't have wanted that.

Perhaps it is hardest with this during the planning though in a way, more than the actual day. Because you're right there is so much emphasis on the mother of the bride. I have found it has got me at the moments I least expect it - like when we were sorting suits, and the shop woman was writing who needed what, it's amazing but there is just an assumption that there is a father of the bride, and what are you meant to say? I don't want to have to explain and get upset when things crop up with wedding people about who is giving me away, making a speech etc, nor do I want to look as if my Dad has never been around or we don't get on or whatever. Not that it matters what others think, but I am really proud of him, who he was and what we had as Dad and daughter when he was here. So I can only imagine how often that must happen with mentions of Mum.

I think I have accepted that a lot of big special moments in life will be tinged by sadness because someone so important isn't there - like Drifter says it makes some things a bit bitter sweet. But, when he first passed away, and for a good while after, I couldn't imagine being truly happy again - I remember thinking that my wedding day, or when I have a baby, those days won't be truly happy cos I haven't got him, but that isn't the case now - I don't know when it happened, but now although I know there will be sad moments in the day, it will be truly happy, I will miss him, but I know he will be with me in some way, and I think I have accepted that it happened, as unfair as it seems.

Your ideas to incorporate your Mum into your day are really lovely Belinda, I hope it brings you some comfort and that you enjoy your special day together as much as you should. I hope your Dad is okay too - I know for me that is another really difficult part of losing a parent, the worry about the other, I feel so protective of my Mum and so wish she wasn't on her own. I'm sure he will be so proud of you on your special day, and though he is bound to be upset too, he will also be so touched at the thought you have put into remembering your Mum together xxxxx

Lamby, its lovely that you are getting the coin sewn into your dress. I hope that on the day it is not too upsetting for you, I see you dont have long to go

x

I'm welling up sitting at work reading your messages...I can really understand how you are all feeling.

My dad died about 8 months ago and the thought of not having him walk me down the aisle is really upsetting. We met with our priest recently and he asked about our parents and I just started crying when I had to say that he had passed away. I'm normally really strong but it really gets to me when I have to explain that my dad isn't around anymore and it seems that this is going to happen alot in the planning process, which I am dreading.

I'm sure my OH will mention my dad in his speech, along with his own dad as he passed away about 15 years ago. At least I know my dad would be happy that I am marrying my OH as they got on really well. OH even said that when my dad was in intensive care he spoke to him about marrying me.

This may sound horrible but I really hope I get caught up in the day because I don't want to be crying thoughout the whole day.

I haven't lost my parents but just wanted to say you are all an inspiration. I could never start to think what you have all been through! Your parents will be very proud of you

x

Thanks Belinda, really glad you posted, it can't have been easy, but I think though we're all a bit emotional writing about it, it does actually help xx

Robinson2b, this must be so hard, after losing your Dad so recently. Everyone is different and there is no advice anyone can give really...I'm not saying it goes away, it doesn't but it does get a lot easier to deal with x

I really feel for you, weddings are so emotional anyway, planning this massive day to celebrate such a massive 'family orientated' day is hard enough, let alone when you are smack bang in the middle of your grief, it must be so difficult at times.

It's not horrible at all to feel like that - I really think you should get swept up in the day - that is totally what I hope and plan to do with my OH - as much as I would have loved my Dad to be part of it, I will of course be thinking of him and want my own private tribute to him, it is 'our' day, and I know my Dad would have been mortified to think the day was more about grieving for him than celebrating the biggest committment his daughter is making to someone. My Dad was very 'no fuss' - I will miss him completely on the day, but I know, whatever is going on, on the other side, that he will be with me in some way, and without going too spiritual / soppy, I really feel so strongly reading all of your posts, that Mum's and Dad's no longer here will be so proud of what their daughters have achieved.

I need to stop rambling now 'cos I'm actually going to cry, but I just want to say I feel for you, and the best thing you can do for your Dad is to have the best day ever, it is what he would have wanted and OH sounds absolutely wonderfully supportive and will take care of ensuring your Dad is toasted on your Big Day xx

It is sooo touching reading this thread. I am sitting here with a lump in my throat, andmy eyes welling up.

My mum didnt have her mother there on her wedding day. And I know my mum is actually feeling it now in planning my wedding with me. It was only on saturday when we were chatting about wedding things that mum said that its all very exciting and then said "I didnt have this with my mum." Mum had a lovely wedding, but I know it was slightly tainted with sadness, moreso at certain points in the day. But your family all know the situation and will feel it too.

There are some lovely way sof rembering people on here andthe important thing is any loved ones who won't be around on our weddings would just be glad we are happy.

I agree with many of you that the planning is hard so many people involed in supplying weddings just comment about parents without stopping to think. I can't count the number of times I heard well next time bring your mum when I was dress shopping.

I think that is one of the reasons I love my dress maker she has never once commented or asked about weather mum would be coming along at some point.

I think we all just have to remember they are there on that day, although you might not be able to see them physically you can feel them.

And i know for one i am going to need one hell of alot of waterproof mascara on that day.

I haven't lost my mum, but did lose my nan who basically done everything a mum would've done, she was there emotionally for me has my mum had me at 16 and my nan an grandad never had children, so i was always at theirs went everywhere with them, she died of lung cancer just 2 days after my lil boys 2nd bday. i'm going to have a picture of her on the table im having my post box on,

My OH has lost his mum only 18mnths ago, which was all of a sudden, she had a bloodclot which no-one knew so just passed out then died. and with him just having his first baby just makes it all a bit harder for him, he always said he'd "NEVER" get married an now he is, im sure on the day we'll have a few quite moments remembering these special people. x

I'm sat reading all this with tears rolling down my face, luckily I have both my parents but there is a possability my dad will have passed away by my wedding day, he is terminally ill and after a short lived improvement has taken a turn for the worse recently. Oh and I wanted to marry sooner but because we have to save for it it's just not possible.

Big hugs to everyone and they will be there watching you all x

Big hugs for everyone who has lost a parent on here, i know how horrible it is to know that they wont be there. i lost my mam when i was 17 to cancer and my dad died 7 months later, that was 6 years ago now but is still very raw as i havnt grieved at all for them yet. i plan to have a candle for them next to a picture of them taken at my sisters wedding. Im dreading the speeches as i dont want to much said about their absence as i know it will have me and my sister bawling! its going to be very hard for all of us without one or both parents there on our big day but i know they would want us to enjoy it as though they were there

I actually lost my mum on friday she had been ill for a while but it was still unexpected, i've got so much still to organise butcan't bring myself to do it. im upset about my mum not being there but h2b mum is fab and will be there for me as much as she is for him.

My mum never saw me in my dress, although she bought it for me, but i know she'll be there watching on my big day.