Arguments already!

Unfortunately I have tried that! I spoke to my mum and dad separately and neither of them could see that she was being unreasonable demanding all these things! It ended up with a big argument with my mum and me telling her I didn't want her to have any more to do with the wedding which was unfair really as its not her fault! I just feel that its getting worse the closer we get and now I don't even enjoy the planning because I know there will be problems.They constantly take 'her side' as you said but its not that I expect them to take my side, just be reasonable! It makes it worse because I was her bridesmaid a few years ago and went along with everything she wanted despite hating it all and said nothing.

My mum and dad are paying a lot towards the wedding which makes it more difficult. They agreed when we first started planning that they would offer suggestions but not interfere but now thats gone out of the window and unfortunately we dont have the money to pay for it all ourselves. If we did I would do it!

I'm just worried its going to put a dampener on the next few months and I am dreading what fuss she will cause on the day.

I completely empathise - my parents are paying a lot towards the wedding and it has meant us compromising on some things, especially the guest list. With 5 months to go and most things now sorted (although there have been a lot of tears at my end/arguments and tense discussions) it has got better. Like you I was worried everything was just going to get worse the closer it got and thankfully that has not been the case. Unfortunately everyone has their idea of the perfect day, and when you're not holding the purse strings, there are going to be politics.

I hope things get better for you. What worked for me is to sit back and think 'will this REALLY matter to me on the day?' if the answer was yes, I dug my heels in, if the answer was no I tried to let it was over me. It's amazing how many things don't actually matter that much when it comes down to it. Good luck!!

I'm very lucky that my mum has been amazing, this has suprised me because although I love her sooo much she can be a bit difficult if she's not getting her own way. When my parents offered us money towards the wedding I was very clear that if they did it was a gift to OH and I and ours to do as we wished with, and that if the money meant giving up any control of the day such as guest list, food choices etc the we were grateful but would respectfully decline the money. She has been true to her word and not interfered once, only given her input when asked and yet managed to be enthusiastic, supportive and involved. I think personally I would try talking to them again, calmly if possible and explain what has upset you and why, I would politely suggest as SIL 'needs' her parents there that either she or your parents pay for them so you don't loose any guests. With regards to table plan give SIL 2 choices sit near front without her parents or sit near back with them! It is your day and if you and your OH are unhappy you need to put your foot down politely and firmly. Would you be able to sit down and talk directly to SIL as well maybe and say that you have been upset by the things she has asked of you and explain why, then suggest compromises or solutions you are happy with and give her a choice of those?

Poor you! It's so hard keeping everyone happy, in fact, it's impossible to keep everyone happy. I completely see where you're coming from, don't call yourself a Bridezilla, you have every right to be frustrated and upset with what's going on.

Your parents are probably just trying not to get in the way and create a conflict between you and your SIL. If talking to them didn't work, and if you try again in a calm way and it still doesn't work, then you have two options that I can see:

1) try to accommodate your SIL's needs in the interests of keeping the peace. As someone mentioned above, think about what really matters on the day. It's not her, it's you and your future husband. All eyes will be on YOU not her.

2) Calmly confront her. But I don't know her so maybe this isn't a good thing to do! How would she react if you asked her calmly to let you be in charge (by politely saying that you went along with everything for her wedding)?

Good luck!

I can completely empathise with you on this as my OH's sister has four children and it is causing all sorts of problems as she and OH's parents keep trying to revolve everything around the kids. Unfortunately when grandchildren get involved, some grandparents get blinded by it all. It really gets on my nerves when we get the self-ritious parent speech about the kids being the most important thing and their needs come first etc etc - yes the kids are important but get a grip!! OH's sister has kicked off about the cost of the accommodation. I negotiated with the venue a price of £185 for a room for all 6 of them in a five star Cotswold manor hotel - but apparently this is still not good enough! I don't know of any other hotel that can do a family room for 6 people - you would need to have two linking rooms which would cost more than £185 in Cheltenham, but she can't quite grasp it!

Then she went in a mood with me because I picked MY bridesmaids dresses without her!! Her daughter is one of my BM's and OH's sister was invited shopping with us but she couldn't make it. We picked the dresses and I then got a really arsey phonecall from OH's sister asking why I had gone ahead and booked the dresses without consulting her first! Thankfully OH has no problem standing up to his family and had some words with her.

Have you spoken to your brother about how peed off you are with your SIL or does he have the same opinion as her?

You need to nip this in the bud asap. In terms of her parents now being invited for the day, that was out of order of your mum to do that but I suspect she felt a bit pressured to do it. Try to Look on the positive side - her parents will now bear the brunt of looking after the grand children leaving your parents free to focus on you for the day. Perhaps you just need to swallow this one and go with it? With regards to the table plan, dig your heels in, take control and refuse to discuss it until you have received all the replies back. You'll be amazed how people back off when you dig your heels in and call their bluff!

Good luck hon, hope you get this sorted.

Thank you all for the responses and the advice! Some food for thought definately and nice to know I am not being unreasonable in how I am thinking.

I do want the boys involved, they are my nephews and I love them dearly. However they are not the best behaved children and this was one reason I though trying to get them all down the aisle would be a nightmare and one thing I did not want to have to deal with on an already stressful day. They are all having suits to match the ushers, button holes and I have even ordered special socks for them saying 'mini-usher' to match the ones i have for the big ushers!

Unfortunately talking to my mum seems to do no good. She very much believes that I should do whatever to suit the boys as they are only children (but interestingly so does not have the same response to the other children in the family!). As we have lots of kids coming we have organised garden games, an ice cream truck and even a bouncy castle to keep them amused so its not like we are being unrealistic about them!

As I am getting married away from where my family live there is no option for them to leave the kids with anyone in the day but this is the same for all of the family and no one else minds. They are making the choice to either bring them or leave them at home which is fine with me. The annoying thing is her parents do nothing to help anyway and the boys don't even like them so regardless of them being there they will end up being dumped on my parents to look after anyway!

ARGH!!!! Like someone said I just want to think about us, pretty dresses and a happy day - selfish maybe but it is our day!

"it's a squash?!" FFS!! I remember staying in a 2 double bed room with my entire family as a kid for things like this, and there were 6 of us! They can damn well all stay together, or get to rooms and have one parent in each!

I think you need to firmly put your SIL in her place. Leave your parents aside for the meantime, as it seems like your mum is only trying to make everyone else happy and assumes you want the same, but since you absolutely do not, you need to put that bi*ch in her place, tell your mum you've handled it, and that SIL's parents can have an evening invite and that's that. There's no reason for you to have to invite them at all. They are NOT your friends or family, you have absolutely no obligation to invite them.

I prefer to avoid confrontation at times, but if my sister in law was pulling this ***, I would tell her where to shove it.

Sorry, I know you must be stressed, but nip this in the bud now. Seems like it's been going on a while, and the longer it goes, the harder it will be to put a stop to.

What a nightmare! No I don't think you're being unreasonable at all!

I can imagine your mum probably feels a bit 'in the middle' for this, so think you should probably look to tackle the problem at the source. Like Venart said, say to your mum that the SIL's parents can have the invite, but all future invites need to be run past you, and make it clear that friends have been left off because your SIL wants to invite two people you hardly know or in fact like. I wouldn't open it up for discussion, but just say that's how it is.

As for SIL, I think the only way that you can deal with it is going straight to her now. It isn't fair that she's putting your parents in the middle, and if she has an issue, she needs to come to you directly, because all she's doing is causing upset.

I have to say, I'm impressed you've got a seating plan sorted already! I haven't even finished the guest list yet! I'd keep that under wraps if I were you.

Hope you sort it out!

We haven't got a seating plan! Thats what makes me laugh! Again she is causing fuss over somethings not even relevant at the moment. I think I am going to wait until the next thing that is said and then confront her about it regardless of whether she likes it or not. I know I will end up being the bad one out of all this, I always am where she is concerned, but I am not having her ruin our day.

Victoria,

I’ve had countless arguments with my family and more so OH family about the wedding. Everyone seems to think they have the right to tell you what to do and have an opinion on everything which you must accept and act on.

OH dad has been a real strain with regards to the wedding guest list and other things and after many sleepless nights and tears I posted on here and took the advice of some other hitchers and put my foot down. My wedding my way.

I honestly wish I had done it sooner, everyone has backed off now they know I’m serious and I did piss some people off but you need to crack a few eggs to make an omelette. Standing up for myself and what me and OH want was the best thing I did, I took control back and no-one has dared to make comment or push anything onto us since then.

You might not be miss popular for a while after talking to SIL but honestly you will feel better and it will make your life so much easier and the wedding less stressful

Thanks miselle, I think you might just be right!

I honestly feel for you having so many problems! I cant even begin to imagine anyone putting that kind of pressure on me and my OH when we are planning OUR wedding day, Im counting my lucky stars here as I hear this so often on hitched! I would honestly tell her to SWIVEL!!! Tell everyone to swing for it and get on with planning the day you want and not what she wants.

I personally don't understand why anyone would let their parents or family members decide things against your wishes for one of the biggest days of your life, whether they are helping financially or not, old enough to get married but apparently not old enough to make your own decisions, there is just no logic to it and I honestly just cannot understand it. I guess that's partly because we haven't had to deal with that but we have had family members help financially and its always been relayed back to me by everyone who has that this is our day and no one else's.

We certainly don't allow them to do this by choice! I have stuck to my guns about everything but the real bug bare of mine that I feel I am helpless about is her parents coming in the day. Now they have been given a save the date by my mum and booked and paid for a room. Although i don't want them there it is not their fault so what can I do? If I tell them they can't come they loose the £120 they have paid which is unfair for them. I am seriously annoyed my mum did it and have told her so but without being a complete cow and telling them its tough and they are not allowed to come what more can I do?

I feel really sorry for you as your SIL is being very demanding and rude. I am sure she wouldn't have liked it if you or anyone else had been the same about her wedding... Your Mum really should be backing you up more and help you to resolve this. I don't see why your SIL can't look after her own children instead of off loading them onto your parents. As other people have suggested you could have a chat with her about the issues because already she has a long list of demands and these may grow in time.