Asking for money instead of wedding presents

You should do whatever you feel most comfortable with, but you won't find many people on Hitched who like the use of money poems - I can't say that I'm a fan either. This question gets asked quite often and the general consensus is if you're going to ask for money, then just come straight out with it and don't put it in a poem. Also the majority of OMs say that if you don't specifically ask for anything then you're most likely to find that the majority of guests will give you money anyway.

Thanks for the reply I totally agree with what you're saying. It wasn't really something that we were going to do, but I didn't know what the general consensus was or if it was the popular thing to do (I'm so new to all of this!) xxx

Yeah a LOT of people think it's cheekier to try and wrap it up in a silly poem tbh.

Especially for evening only invites. Don't even go there!!

We are asking for money and intend to spend it when we go To vegas and Cali for our honeymoon! I think it's fine. And I would prefer to give some one money knowing they can put it towards what they want rather than a set of pots and pans they've already got x

^ exactly this ^

As a guest I would rather the bride and groom just came straight out and asked for money rather than put a silly poem in asking for money.

It's so common now for brides and grooms to ask for money as opposed to a gift list that no one bats an eyelid at it. A simple couple of lines explaining you'd like money towards a honeymoon or whatever as opposed to more pots as pans would suffice.

I sent out my invites recently and didn't mention anything about gifts. Most people have already rung my mum to ask what we would like and if there is a gift list and my mum just mentioned giving us something towards our honeymoon. I'm really pleased that we didn't put anything on the invites.

Hmm... Maybe as others have mentioned it's best not to say anything, because saying something can come across cheeky even if it's not meant to be.

I did come across a nice register service though that could be a good alternative :-) https://sokindregistry.org/

Yeah, we plan to ask for money towards a honeymoon, maybe using something like Honeyfund. But I also don't like the poems. Just simple polite wording should do the job, I think.

Gosh I really struggled with this.

My first inclination was to not mention it at all.

In the end I just said we prefer cash over presents cuz we got a lotta of stuff already. No poem, just straight out. Since the rest of the invite is very humourful I don't think anyone took it as rude..but if they did I'll probably never know about it so I just stopped stressing over it after that.

It's up to you whether you would like to specify how to gift - personally cash is what we need (and really wouldn't appreciate vouchers, because I'd then have to buy things I don't particularly want or need from a shop I wouldn't usually shop in) but I won't be asking for cash outright, if people ask me what we'd like i'll tell them, but I'm not making the first move.

I really hate poems though - it's like doing a song and dance to try and detract from the fact that you're asking your guests to give you money. If anything, I would so much prefer to see in an invite "We don't expect gifts, but if you would like to give a gift, a financial donation would be much appreciated to help us [insert what you want the money for here]"

It's a controversial and well aired topic around here ?

If you want some ideas for Vegas/Cali let me know! we nearly got married in Southern California as that's where my family are from. (OH family are English through and through!) we have done that trip and might be able to suggest some ideas

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In my cabbage, there is no way to mention gifts/money WITHOUT sounding cheeky or expectant. The very idea that it is mentioned indicates that you have been considering the goodies!

I don't like any gift requests (gifts/money) included in the invitations. I don't like money poems, which are universally bobbins from an artistic POV before you even start. Furthermore, they do nothing but highlight the fact that the happy couple feels uncomfortable asking for money, suggesting that deep down they know it's not good form.

We didn't mention anything at all and got (mostly) cash.

Brilliant send me mail on here (not sure how to do it) as we are struggling deciding on places to stay in California. We want a nice beachy resort seeing as we will be partying in vegas for 5 days. Thanks x

I was brought up to believe that asking for money was wrong - you don't do it, not in any way shape or form so I am of course against money poems. I would leave it without poem and without a guest list and wait for people to ask you.

I really struggled with this when sending our invitations (we had a gift list though) - I didn't want to mention anything about presents, but my husband and my mum insisted it would be easier for people if the details were included. We ended up popping in the little cards John Lewis provided. It made me feel uncomfortable but I'm not sure why as I am always really pleased when someone says what they want in an invitation; it means I know I'll be getting them something they like and I don't have to faff around finding out what it is! I would never feel someone expected me to buy them a present...

But poems set my teeth on edge, only because they are so poorly written.

I think I did it, let me know if you don't get it! X

I never agree with the majority on this, I don't care how I get asked for money or gifts, I'm not even bothered by money poems, I'd just like to know what the couple would prefer. They're paying for me to go to their wedding and obviously I'm going to bring a present so instead of agonising for ages over what would be appropriate it's easier if they just let me know.

We had a cheesy poem really don't need/want anything, it's expensive enough coming to a wedding and we just want our loved ones there, but if people really want to give a gift then some money towards a break would be great. saying all that straight is a bit of a mouthful so the poem option worked for me! Only included with daytime invites - evening ones didn't mention gifts at all - if anyone asks we'll say we don't want anything and will only mention the cash thing if they insist

We put a message in the invites saying we didn't want any gifts, but if people did want to give something then a donation to the honeymoon fund would be much appreciated. We felt a bit cheeky, but we'd had so many people ask us about our gift list it seemed better to put something that nothing at all. I figure whatever you do someone will probably pick holes in it anyway!

We are going for the cheesy poem. It seemed politer than "you seriously want to know what to buy us even tho we have 3 kids and hubby got made redundant when wedding was booked? Cash now please" ;-)

I think this really depends on you and what your guests are expecting. I don't have any siblings and my BM's aren't the best when it comes to helping out in a major way, I would've loved to be able to signpost guests to them to discuss gifts but it just wasn't going to happen! I also asked quite a lot of friends and family what they thought re gift lists and invites as I was quite worried and 100% asked for the details on the invite. When I mentioned being presumptuous and cheeky they told me not to be so stupid and they wanted to know what we wanted be that money or something specific. My nan was really worried about what to get and it instantly put her mind at rest when I said we would put details on the invite for her. So, have a quick word with some of the people that matter to you and go from there.

ps we put a little poem 'your presence not presents are all we require etc etc' which people seemed to really like so I wouldn't worry re the poem, remember you'll never please everyone so at least please yourself, it's your day! (I keep having to tell myself this!)

It depends on what sort of wedding you have I think. Mine say We look forward to spending our special day with you and request your presence and not your presents. But if you wish to give a gift, we would appreciate money towards our honeymoon. Im providing guests with a 3 course meal and drinks in the day then in the evening 7 types of cake, sweet buffet for adults and kids, buffet for all 100 a popcorn machine and a candy floss machine. If i was not having a sit down meal in the day then I wouldn't include a gift card. Same as if in the evening I was not providing any food at all I wouldn't dream of putting one in.

A friend of mine got a invite for a wedding last month to the evening do. The invite said 8pm and at the bottom it said due to our late wedding please note no food will be served. Then on another card it had a money poem. My friend said she will only take a card as its no different than going down the pub for the night and paying for yourself.

Most of my guests are family and we know they will want to give us something as a gift.

I didn't put anything in out invites about gifts/poems etc. We ended up with 3 guests giving gift vouchers, 1 giving a gift & all the rest giving cash. Through word of mouth with family/friends or just general knowledge, guests knew cash was more useful than multiple toasters! No need for a cheesy poem.

Nothing will be on my invites but will have a link to our wedding website which will have a page for info and if they want to get a gift it will direct them to our honeymoon fund. I am genuinely not bothered whether we get presents ..... it is always nice so if people do buy us a pressies it will be gratefully received as will cash or vouchers ... if they don't that's fine as they will have spent money coming to share our day x

I personally hate money poems and the presence/presents thingy is over used IMO .... people generally ask if unsure ... my first marriage we had a gift list but only shared it when asked ...

There's no right or wrong for this - you'll never please everyone.

i personally don't like poems or the presents/presence thing.

In all-day guest invites we've said something along the lines of "gifts certainly aren't expected but if you would like to get us something you can find our honeymoon fund or gift list here xxx". I didn't want the gift list part really but for the older generation my dad thought they may not like giving money. Having said that now I totally love having an actual gift list as I have on there stuff i'd never buy myself such as posh bedding by the white company! I personally find gift details really handy on wedding invites but I can see why people don't like them.

if you do write a poem, write a good one as some of them are so poorly written.

When hubby and I sent out invites, we knew we would end up with a lot of unwanted gifts from friends and family, that would go unused and be discarded. We felt we wanted to ask for something towards our honeymoon if people wanted to do anything at all. We did type up the cheesy poem, but in an asking way that we would prefer money to gifts as there was nothing we wanted for, if people wanted to give a gift. And that it would nice for people to know they had send us off on our way in to married life together. Nobody complained or disliked the poems or said otherwise.