Awkward!

You've no reason to ask her to be a BM and I don't like when people think because someone is family it gives them an automatic go ahead to be one.

To save any bad feeling you could maybe ask her to do a reading or do something else to be a part of it (she might be too young for that actually if 9?) but I definitely wouldn't feel under any pressure to have her as a BM.

Hi no it's not mean, your dad shouldn't be putting pressure on you to have his daughter as bridesmaid. I would be honest and say you don't want her to be one. The thing with weddings is you won't keep everyone happy so I think right I will keep myself and my fiance happy and that's it x

Wow, you've already got plenty of family of your own to give a role to it seems. Your own four children are making up the 'child' component, with your older siblings for the grown up roles.

If the little 9 year old is the only sister / half sister not officially in the bridal party, I think I'd be tempted to just add her to the group, as she is just 9, so wouldn't understand why she might be the only one not involved. If there are further siblings / half siblings in attendance who are also in that position, it's fine.

If you are struggling to think about what she could be asked to 'do' to be included, maybe tell us what roles your own four children are having, so that we can suggest something else for the 9 year old? For example, if your four children are doing the aisle walk with flowers, I might suggest giving the 9 year old the role of handing out confetti cones to guests perhaps.

That's a good point actually I didn't even think of that! Thinking of her point of view rather than your dads, as a 9 year old she might feel left out if she's the only one not involved which would be a shame really.

My daughters who will be 2, 4 and 6 will be flower girls and my 8 year old son will be an usher (page boy seems a big young for him as he is also very tall for his age!)

I have a brother who also does not have a role in the wedding, I feel like if I included the 9 year old half sister I'd have to find something for him to do too and I really don't want to do that. Also, the only other child attending the wedding is my nephew and then he would feel left out. You just can't win can you?

I would invite her to be a BM, it will make her and your dad happy.

In this scenario I don't think you'll need to include her then as she's not the only one being left out, makes the situation a lot more understandable and not like she's being singled out. I'd stick with your original plans if I were you

This has actually helped me decide. I have no desire to do anything to please my dad.

No, it's not mean. It is your wedding and should do it the way you want. He should not have told her that she would have apart to play if he had not already been told she would.

I agree, do what's right for you, not everyone else

The trouble is, if you say yes to this one, where does it end? I don't think you should feel guilty - with four children of your own to take part, it becomes difficult to add in anyone else. I have four children myself so I'm having one chief bridesmaid - my youngest daughter, two flower girls who are my nieces, a ring bearer - my son and a security guard - my nephew. My older two children are giving me away. Fortunately, I don't have any other children within the family to include, but if I did, then I would have had to say no to them.