Babies at a wedding

We only had immediate family children at ours, but allowed those with new babies (under 6 months) to bring theirs. If we hadn't, the likelihood of the breastfeeding mothers attending would have been very unlikely.

Am I right in understanding that they are not bringing the baby to the actual wedding, but to the breakfast the next day? Personally I wouldn't say no.

Erhmmmmmmmmm its the morning after the big day? I don't see a problem to be honest and in all fairness babies at such an early ages cant really be separated from their mums.

Do you mean no baby at the wedding or no baby just the morning after? If it's the wedding I can sympathise as I wouldn't want my future BILs new baby at ours (we're having no children - and luckily neither of us have nieces/nephews) as he's the type of person to make sure the focus is on him.

But if you mean no baby at the breakfast only then I'm sorry I think you are being a bit bridezilla - it's your special DAY, not your special weekend.

If they were bringing the baby to the wedding I'd understand your frustration but as it's the morning after I don't think you can so anything, since it's the day after. And why would you want to? It's a new baby in the family!

Sorry to be blunt about it, but you're acting a little like a baby yourself. You will have had your day and been the centre of attention. They aren't bringing the baby to that, as you requested, so let them bring their baby to the breakfast so the family can meet him/her and let people coo and fuss over it. People will still be giving you plenty of attention, not everyone likes babies after all.

Unless you have some real aversion to this baby (or babies in general) I'm sorry but I think they are well within their rights to bring it to the breakfast the morning after your wedding. I don't understand why you're so stressed about it?!

I think it's fair to bring the baby to breakfast and yes it will get lots if attention but babies are exciting. You can't expect them to do two days away from their new baby.

Sorry I think you're being a bit unreasonable. They aren't staying overnight but are coming back the next day to have breakfast with you which seems a nice thing to do to me. They won't have seen their baby for the whole of the day before either.

I'd let it go and let them bring the baby with them as they've planned. I don't think they really need to ask your permission for this either

Mothers shouldn't be separated from their babies unless by their own choice, you don't know that she'll even want to be separated from her child for your actual wedding (SHE may not even know that yet) and I think you need to realise that she may insist on baby either coming or her not to accommodate her baby (ESP if she's breastfeeding)

Erm ... is this for real? I thought you meant the baby being at the actual wedding - and thought it was harsh to refuse to allow a tiny baby but your actually upset about the morning after???? yes some people will coo over the baby but its not really going to take anything away from your wedding day .... that you had the DAY before! !!

i expect most of us will have a bridezilla moment with varying degrees of ridiculous issues .... I think this may be yours!! suck it up... its a little baby coming to say hi! have you actually spoken to your OH about this? what did he think?

Thanks for all your messages, reading back I think the stress of the wedding and my issues with the BIL is clouding my judgement.

thanks again for helping

Bless you shoegirl! it's good to get perspective! dreading my bridezilla moments as I just know they will be there!

Unfortunately sometimes personal relationships cloud our judgement!

I'm not having babies at my wedding but couldn't care less who is at breakfast the next morning!

im not telling anyone they should be separated from their child against their will... If they have a problem with it they can stay home with the child! We have one couple expecting a baby in April we get married in June so the baby will be 6-8weeks old!

At 6-8 weeks, the baby will still be totally dependent on its parents, particularly the mother if breastfeeding. It would also be immensely uncomfortable for the mother to go a whole day without breastfeeding if she's used to it. If you actually like these people and want them at your wedding, I think you have to make accommodation for those with tiny babies. Most of the time they're not the problem ones in terms of noise etc anyway - it's the older more mobile ones you need to watch out for!

At 6-8 weeks, the baby will still be totally dependent on its parents, particularly the mother if breastfeeding. It would also be immensely uncomfortable for the mother to go a whole day without breastfeeding if she's used to it. If you actually like these people and want them at your wedding, I think you have to make accommodation for those with tiny babies. Most of the time they're not the problem ones in terms of noise etc anyway - it's the older more mobile ones you need to watch out for!

^^^^ this!!

I actually don't have to do anything I don't want to do! Hence why I have a no baby rule! It's complicated if I make allowances for one you got to make allowances for all and I'm not prepared to do that!

ive seen women leave their babies for less... It's not a big deal for me if the mothers decide not to come! Less mouths to feed!

↑↑↑↑ wow ..... just a big massive wow ....↑↑↑↑↑

Hilarious! Consider yourself told .

Actually can I just double check ? ....have you actually spoken to the people that will have newborns and how did they react? my initial reaction was horror that you could be so dismissive of your guests but I'm thinking if they know they must be ok with it? I can't get my head around that you would rather they not come then come with the newborn? they are not close friends?

Do you actually like the people who are coming to your wedding?! ? If all your guests are to you are mouths to feed then I'm not sure why they are invited.

I do think exceptions have to be made for very young babies at child-free weddings. Parents of older babies/children can choose whether to leave them with a babysitter or miss the wedding. It is almost impossible logistically and emotionally to leave a very young baby.

On phone so can't quote. I didn't have "mouths to feed" at my wedding, we had close friends and family who we wanted to share in our special day. There is virtually no inconvenience or cost to you in having a tiny baby there, nor is it hard to make the distinction between babes-in-arms and other children. You obviously don't care much about your guests if you can so easily be so rude.

^This!

We don't particularly want children at our wedding but we actually like the people we are inviting so if we had to choose between letting someone's baby come or having them a) miss the day or b) spend the whole day worrying about the vulnerable little infant they have left behind for 12 hours and being distracted by having to constantly check in with the babysitter we would let them bring the baby.

I have to say if I was the mother I don't think I'd even consider asking if it was ok to bring the baby to wedding, rule or no rule , because I would automatically assume it would be fine with such a young baby. I am very surprised.

?

This!

Why have you even bothered to invite them if they are just a mouth to feed?!!?

Also- Cilla- hilarious!

This.

Ive got to agree in 3 out of 4 weddings ive been too, 2 I was pregnant and 1 had a small child - it never crossed my mind that it would be an issue because its common sense that if im invited my family are too, I would be incredibly offended and not attend if my OH and child weren't invited because we are a package deal (its not like weve been dating 2 weeks or something everyone knows we are a family) and nothing and no one comes before that, I will be inviting my guests immediate families (partners and children) even though I havnt met half of them and my BMs parents/siblings aswell

are you going to show up early and stand their and turn away anyone that shows up with a child??? (especially if its a church wedding) you cant stop it

I think this is the reason women get coined with the phrase 'bridezilla'

F&bride ..... I don't think I would realise either hence asking whether she has told the people and how they are about it .... I'd be livid and just not go ... which obviously wouldnt matter to pinkbutterfly but still .... if the invites just say "no children" then I think she could be in for an upset on her wedding day when the guests rock up with newborns. ... I get no kids at weddings and I'd rather not bring mine but having had children I know hard it can be to leave a newborn .... especially if its their first ....however no kids rules make sense when it's venue numbers (health and safety), it's an adult wedding and kids get bored, when you have to pay half adult cost for their chicken nuggets or if the venue or style of the wedding itself is just not compatible for kids (festival, fire pits, water) ..... but a newborn would not cause a problem in these scenarios?

I agree. Whilst I've got children of all ages coming to my wedding I do understand why others prefer to keep it adults only, but like others have said I don't think newborns would ever not be included. At that age they'll be sound asleep for most of the day and it's not going to cost her a penny. I too expect the mother will either bring the baby or the family will not attend at all.

Whoever said "if I'm invited I assume my whole family are too" - completely disagree with that! If any of h2b's friends rocked up at our wedding with their children, without checking with us first, I'd see it as downright rude!

however completely agree that babes in arms should be differentiated from children. I strictly don't want kids at my wedding but if a close friend / relative had a newborn, of course they would be welcome to bring them. Thank god none of our guests do though as I have to admit it wouldn't be my first choice for my own wedding! None of my friends have kids and the youngest of h2b's friends kids will be about 6 months when we get married so we've dodged that one!