Back on suicide watch

Peaches I'm really sorry to hear that you're brother is bad again. I have no advice, I just wanted to offer an inadequate hug ?

Oh God, Peaches, how absoutely awful for you. I've been thinking about your situation and was hoping that things were looking up. I hope you can get him to come to you. Even more, I wish you just didn't have this stress. ?

Oh peaches, it never rains but it pours. I dont know what to say - I hope that this doesnt sound insensitive - does he really have that intention, not just wanting to get attention? can his doctors do anything about this, knowing that he is saying these things?

I dont know if there have been any updates recently but last I heard he was recovering in hospital after the accident?

big insignificant internet weirdy hugs ?

Thanks for the hugs. I sure could do with them - even of the internet wierdy kind!

I've not posted about my brother really since his accident, but long story short he was at Mum's for 6 loooooooonnnng weeks (long for her!) after his accident. In that time I was back in the UK twice, and he was a shell of himself after I last saw him at Christmas.

He went back to Oz for a funeral of a close friend - all very sudden - and while he was there he met up with soon-to-be ex-wife. All very traumatic and upsetting. Also met up with ex-girlfriend who is still in love with him, but is standing her ground and won't have him back as a) he's married and b) he left her for wife.

Anyhoo, all very messy. PLUS his business isn't sold as there has been one complication after another. He now needs to reapply for planning permission that was granted to my Dad, and my Dad only back in 1982. Buyer's solicitor has advised not to go ahead until planning permission granted, which takes weeks, if not months.

He has no income. He has a business property which needs running. The commercial and residential tenants aren't paying rent on time, so it's a constant battle. I"m just about to set up another standing order so he can live off that, and arrange flights for him to come over here.

And now I have to go and meet a shutter company in less than 15 minutes, so I'd better go.

Thanks for your support guys. I can't offload to Mr P too much .. he is under so much stress himself at work and with this move. It's all a bit tits up right now.

Jeez Peaches you're really going through it. ?

Peaches I know its unlikely, but is there anything we can do to help?

? as annabanana says, it never rains but it pours. I hope you can persuade him to come over and perhaps the neutral country will help the way he feels about things?

On the planning front I'm really surpised that pp was granted to your dad, it's normally on a building/piece of land so can be transferred between owners if required, is that definitely the case? 1982 is waay before my time so apologies if I'm mistaken ?

I don't know all the background here, but wanted to say I'm so sorry you are going through this Peaches. I really hope your brother is okay and you don't have to deal with all this worry again after everything you have been through. All my love xxx

Yay for AT&T plug in things that make my laptop work anywhere ?

While I'm waiting for this man to do his measuring, I can reply ...

Hannah, PP is complicated in this case. The business is on property that was made up of 3 parts - one part residential, one part a scrap yard and one part someone else's business land. Can't go into the ins and outs of it all as it is very long winded, but basically after contracts were signed and everything was in place to complete in May, the buyer's solicitor brought up the planning issue.

And we all know how long Local Councils take to do anything ?

Liz, I too wish we didn't have this stress. It's like dealing with a child .. he rings and rings and rings. If I'm in the shower or on the phone, he'll keep ringing until he gets an answer - on all my phones, both US and UK internet / mobiles. Costs me a fortune, but what to do? At least I know he's alive.

Anna, what can anyone do? Thanks so much for asking, that's so kind of you, but I'm at a loss myself how I can help him. I just need to keep strong myself so I don't go under with the stress and upset of it all again. Last November nearly killed me off, and I can't go back there again myself. I came back nearly as depressed as he was.

Ok, man is done and I need to run.

Oh, one bit of good news to share. House that got torched was let today after being on the market for a week. Huzzah for small mercies! ?

Peaches, I can't believe everything you're having to put up with. Please, please look after yourself as well in all this. I know it sounds harsh, but I worry that your brother will continue soaking up as much support as you give him and still wanting/needing more. You could end up spending all your time and money and energy on him and he'll still be poorly ?

I don't know what to suggest, but please do look out for yourself and your interests as well, there's nothing to be gained by making yourself ill too ?

Totally what princess layabout said. Do take care of yourself.

Peaches, I just don't know what to say, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this all. I was really hoping he was on the mend now.

Please do look after yourself too, PL is so right. Take care ?

Oh gosh peaches I'm so sorry this is happening, it's all so unfair ? Can his doctor or anyone enar him give him any more help?

Peaches I can't believe you are going through all this again ?

I'm here if you want to chat xxx

Oh Peaches, have nothing to add to what has been said but some internet weirdy hugs. Feel free to offload whenever you want.

Can I have a little scream?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ok, thanks. If that were for real I'd feel a whole heap better.

He's coming.

He's not.

He's thinking about it.

He's not.

How about Tuesday?

No good - haven't got 4 hours to spare to pick him up as we move the next day.

Not coming until we've moved.

Good, that'll give us time to get straight. Especially as we've had a leak and floors are being ripped up as I type this.

Text just in .. How about Sunday?

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH again for good measure.

Oh Peaches, how annoying!

could he not come for the move to help out? could be a good distraction......

How you cope with this i really don't know and i take my hat off to you really i do.

Personally I think you've got more than enough on your plate with the move and all the stress and trauma that moving always generates. I'd be telling your brother that you are happy to have him over once you have moved and got things straight and not before. At the end of the day you and Mr P have lives too and he can't just keep messing you about like this and getting away with it. I know you're worried about him and he's been through a lot but from the bits you have posted here (and i've a feeling that we only hear the half of what goes on) he has put you through a hell of a lot too.

Fair's fair eh and some times you need to put yourself first.

?

It won't be a help, it'll be a hindrance Anna, but at least it'll be something new for him. It's all quite stressful here as it is right now, but we'll manage. I do feel like my head is going to explode though .. quite literally! I'm at the new house listening to the men cutting out the floors upstairs with circular saws. Noisy enough without the saws setting off the alarms .. smoke alarms?

Have set up the standing order again for him just now so he has money to live on each month. I won't half be cross if I find out he's sending it to his 'wife' .. as he was before ?

Aw, Peaches, have some internet weirdy hugs from me. I really don't know how you cope - I think you are absolutely marvellous. I second Dooby's comments, tho, and those of the others who have said how important it is that you look after yourself. I know he's your brother, but hell, you're going through too much, and you are very important!

Feel free to scream as much as you like ......

? huge internet weirdy hugs from me as well. I'm not surprised you're screaming, I would be.

Dooby, I get through because I've got support from Mr P. Although he's needing my support himself right now with all the stuff he's got going on. We're both very worried about my sister who has terminal cancer, and FIL who has bowel cancer but chooses not to have the op. We understand his decision, but it's tough accepting his choice.

Also MIL is very frail now. Had another fall last week and ended up in hospital. Another reason (main reason) why FIL won't have the op.

I've not replied to my brother yet as I need to get my head around it all. I was really relived when he said this morning he would 'bumble along' and visit after the move.

Once we move, once we've gone to Oz to see my sister, once all this is out of the way, I'm booking a holiday. Just for the 2 of us. No phones. No computers. Not England.

Bloody hell, I don't know how you manage. I can't help but think that your brother again is in the position of needing professional help - is there none available?

L
xx

Well it certainly sounds as though that holiday will be very richly deserved ?

We'll always be here for you in the meantimes though missus ?

Oh Peaches, I am so sorry to read this - what am awful lot to cope with. If you really believe that your brother is at risk, can someone (a professional) not intervene, even without his consent?

I hope that things turn around for you soon ?

Thanks Dooby .. I know airing my business online to people I don't know might seem weird to the masses, but I swear I would have gone round the bend before now if I hadn't. So thanks for letting me vent, and for the advice and support both last time round and this.

Lois, it was really strange meeting up and you knowing all about my brother, without having met you before! It does help to get it all out though, as I said ?

He does need professional help again, and IMO he wouldn't do badly if he was sectioned. The nearest he got to sectioning was coming off his bike and smashing himself up and ending up in hospital. He was in such a state both physically and mentally, and the alcohol withdrawal symptoms caused great concern for the doctors and nurses, but he dried out and calmed down while in hospital, then again at Mum's while he was recuperating for 6 weeks.

But since going to Oz he got back on the drink. I plucked up the courage to ring my sister (the one with terminal cancer) for the first time, and she told me that when he went to visit her, even though she was racked with pain and could hardly move, my brother insisted they go out for lunch - as early as 10 am so he could get a beer and/or wine. Despicable behaviour, but nothing less than any self-obsessed alcoholic would do I guess. He has no thought for anyone else at all when he's like this .. in fact, if I'm totally honest, he's been like this for a long, long time.

Hmm, just heard my UK mobile text alarm. That'll be him.

Luth, you probably remember me posting about him years ago .. we chatted about brothers back then. I never thought though he'd get this bad ☹️

Oh, and before I read the text, yesterday he was coming, then wasn't, then was .. about 4 times changing his mind. In the end I told him to not come as it really wouldn't be the best time anyway. He came across as he was doing me a favour coming when we're moving as he would be there to help!

Oh Peaches I've just seen this - really hope you're ok

You have so much on at the moment and I hope you're taking time to look after yourself as well as everyone and everything else - we're here if you need us

Wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away, really do

Jules, you're exactly right. You're not sounding horrible at all, and there is nothing you've said that we haven't ourselves.

It's very easy to say not to help him though - either emotionally or financially. I'm unable to be 'cruel to be kind' .. I've tried, and failed miserably. But at the cost of my own sanity, health & marriage, this is the very last time I'm going to be there for him.

I put my mobiles on silent and look at them in my time, and reply when I'm ready. Those texts that came in this morning (3 of them in total) were answered only an hour ago. I'd calmed down enough by then to not reply with 'WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT? GO SORT YOURSELF OUT' - as that's what I would have done if I'd answered straight away.

As for funding his drinking - yes, you're absolutely right. And each time I talk to him and he sounds like he's had a drink, I make no hesitation in telling him I know, and end the conversation. The past few times I've spoken to him he's sounded better - in fact, if I'm honest, I've only spoken to him twice since April 8th (day of accident) when he's been drunk, so he isn't as bad as he was at the end of last year.

Anyhow, I take on board everything you said. No more plasters. I've got enough on my plate without being his first-aid kit too. Valid point which needed to be said. Thanks.

Thanks WR. Wouldn't magic wands sell like hot cakes if they existed!

Im sorry to hear he isnt doing well. I hope he comes over to see you so you can help him out x