Badly Behaved Bridesmaid

Are you sure there's nothing more serious going on? If you are close friends, why haven't you checked with her?

I'm not sure I'd put that down as badly behaved - rather very upset!

Have you asked her what was wrong? If she's never been like that before I would have thought she's had some very bad news but didn't want to burden you with it on your wedding day.

Oh no!

ir does sound like she has something going on and didn't want to mention it on your wedding day. If not though that is shockingly bad behaviour! I think you should call her and ask if she's ok as she obviously had a rubbish day at your wedding.

Oh dear, it sounds like there's something up elsewhere in her life, I wouldn't say crying is being badly behaved, she was obviously upset! Why don't you ask her?

Did you ask her why she was crying? I'd want to know why my friend was so upset to be honest.

I didn't know until I got back from my honeymoon and my friend from work told me she saw her crying so feel it would be a bit out of place asking her three weeks after. I got a text from her saying she'd left and saw her ripped up place card. Our relationship has been a bit rocky over the last year or so anyway and she has behaved quite poorly for some of it. She married for money and there's not much love lost between her and her other half but that's been the same for ages. To be honest I feel a bit awkward discussing it with her in case she thinks I'm having a go.

Congratulations on your recent wedding ?

If your relationship was 'rocky', as you put it, for the last year why was she a BM in the first place? Did you feel obligated because she is a long-time friend or did you genuinely want her to be your BM? Either way, it sounds to me like a) she is going through tough times in her life and maybe needs someone to talk to and b) your relationship with her is crumbling.

Could the status of your relationship maybe be part of the reason she was so upset? Like she feels you were once close but you aren't any more? I would just talk to her. Ask her why she was so upset and maybe try to repair your relationship with her if that's what you both want.

You came on here 3weeks after the event to vent about your 'poorly' behaved bridesmaid! But think it's out of place to ask her why she was so upset at your wedding and mention the fact other guest saw her crying... And you call yourself a friend!!!

From what you said it sounds like she got other things going on and your more concerned about a torn up piece if card!

has it occurred to you that something may well have happened but despite that she showed up to YOUR day for YOU!

You say she's been poorly, do you mean depressed, or just unwell? Either way it must have been a hard year for her and I'm sure she would appreciate your support. It's never too late - just tell the truth and say you hadn't realised she'd been upset until someone told you recently.

She said poorly behaved, not poorly. I mis understood it when I read it first time too so had to re-read.

I don't think we can fairly comment as we don't know the full background and why she was crying. I was a bridesmaid for my friend and me and my now fiancé had a massive argument and to be honest I kept crying throughout the day, but I pretended it was because I was so happy for her and smiled all day, danced all night and was a very dutiful bridesmaid as that was my job and obviously I didn't want to let my friend down. Perhaps she tried to be good but was occasionally caught out. I think 'something' MIT have happened for her to behave that way. I agree with the other poster - be honest say a colleague mentioned she'd seen her crying and you want to check she's ok

Looking back at your previous post you knew that something wasn't right... Why didnt you sort out the problems prior to your big day?

Oops sorry obviously I can't read, you obviously said "behaved poorly" but I read it as "been poorly"!

My best friend got married last year, and another friend of mine, who had split up with her long term boyfriend about 6 months before, cried a lot in the evening reception bit, because at that point she'd had a lot to drink and was upset about her ex. I didn't notice at all as I was a BM and busy throughout, and also I think she was in the loos when crying so not to make a scene. I think weddings can sometimes remind you of things that aren't right in your own relationship.

She sounds stressed to hell! I kinda feel sorry for her. I can imagine whatever the issue was she wasn't in a the right state of mind to talk about and was trying to 'grin and bear it' which never really works. She may open up later when she's ready, just be there as a friend

By the sounds of it, if she was a close enough friend to be a bridesmaid, you need to be a friend and ask her, she could be going through something major and you don't know about it. Wedding day or not, if she is a friend and she behaved like that, if i had noticed on the day I would have taken her to one side and made sure I did whatever i could to help. If it was afterwards and I was told about it the first thing I would do is make sure she is ok. I think as a friend you need to see if she was/ is ok. If it was that she was just being a brat (very strange behaviour!) you confront it, but it's possible something big had happened to upset her.

Good luck anyway

I'm sorry Salt, but I, like many other people on here, don't feel that you've been particular nice or friendly to your BM. You need to forget about yourself for 10 minutes & give this poor lady some time. She was your BM & you've known her a long time, she deserves your attention even if it is to cry on your shoulder.

Oh dead maybe u should ask what upset her because u were told after event she was crying ... Must have been bad news surely and u didn't ask .....

I think you could mention it - say something like ' someone mentioned you where really upset at the wedding but iv been away and hadn't had a chance to get in touch . Are you okay? I'm worried about you xxx. '

least then you'll know -sounds like something awful has happened - at least she came x

Clearly she is an awful human being who deliberately set out to ruin your day. Thankfully she must have failed if you didn't even notice at the time. Phew! Bullet dodged!

Or, just maybe, you are being a total cow and should send her a message asking why she was upset and check that everything is ok with her. Some grovelling for it taking over three weeks probably wouldn't go amiss either.

My cousin was diagnosed with cervical cancer five days before my aunt's wedding. She didn't want to 'ruin' it for my aunty or grandparents so tried to put a brave face on things all day. I noticed she was upset at one point so I took her into the toilets and she told me. She managed to make it through until 10pm before she got upset again and left. A few people asked me if she was ok and why she'd gone so I made excuses for her. The only other people who knew were her immediate family.

I'm not saying this is the case with your friend, I'm just trying to point out that when people are really upset they might avoid discussing it with people if the day is supposed to be a special one for them. I'm sure as the bride it is a whirlwind and it would be quite easy for things to pass you by. I would contact her now though to make sure she's ok. It sounds like she needs a friend.

This.