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*Pugsley*
Beginner March 2014

Being a member of a forum

*Pugsley*, 6 November, 2013 at 21:52 Posted on Off Topic Posts 0 46

This is the only forum I am a member of (although I have browsed other sites).

I feel strangely protective of the fact I'm on here & don't like to advertise to people that I post on here... I can't really pinpoint why though.

Not sure whether it's so I can have complete anonymity and freedom of speech so to speak. Coupled with the fact I've posted wedding details on here.

It could be because I worry some people might feel that the kind of people who use forums seriotypically are geeks or have no friends in real life.

I don't even admit to my OH how much I come on here.

Does anyone else feel a bit like I do? I don't know if I am just a bit weird but I can't pinpoint why I am so secretive about being on here.

46 replies

Latest activity by *Pugsley*, 9 November, 2013 at 07:15
  • *MM3*
    Beginner June 2014
    *MM3* ·
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    Haha, I know what you mean. I'm quite secretive too, although I don't know why. Maybe as I talk away on here and don't like the thought of someone I know coming on and spying ?
    OH knows i'm on here all the time though, it's good to have different people to talk to though.
    I like the support everyone gives each other, this is the only forum i'm on as well and I like having the same people to talk to about things both Wedding related and on here..just makes a nice change from every day family and friends I suppose bad as that may sound haha.

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  • Cat In A Teacup
    Beginner August 2015
    Cat In A Teacup ·
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    This is the only forum I am on too, although I am considering joining a Narcolepsy one to get some support.

    I haven't told any of my close friends that I use a forum regularly (well semi regularly!) as I do think they would judge me and find it strange. I am the same as you in that I can't pin down 'why'.

    OH is aware of how often I use the forum, and he finds it a bit strange but hey ho!

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  • Icklefee
    Super May 2014
    Icklefee ·
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    I used to feel the same, would never admit to having conversations with people online. It was only once I split with my ex of 6 years and father of two of my children that I confessed to having met him in an online chatroom! At the time he met I didn't really have many real life friends.

    Now I don't care what people think. I do have a wide circle of friends and I'm not a geek or socially inept but I also enjoy discussions with people who I may not otherwise meet in real life situations.

    It did take me a few days to confess to OH that I was meeting a group of ladies from the facebook group a couple of weeks ago. As he doesn't really get the whole social networking thing I thought he'd find it odd. He did question why two of our day guests for the wedding are people I've never actually met but they are ladies I have spoken to over the internet for over 10 years, they know me better than anyone, and since I haven't met around 80% of the family he's insisting on having there I don't really see it's any different.

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  • Hoddy
    Beginner July 2014
    Hoddy ·
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    Yes I feel totally like that. I only told oh about it because he wondered where I met my photographer for our wedding!!!

    I hide my ipad screen when I'm replying to anything if he is next to me because I don't want him seeing. And nobody else (friends or family) know I post here and I believe I just like the anonymity.

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  • Elixia
    Beginner March 2014
    Elixia ·
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    >.> .....

    Ok I'm an OPEN geek. This forum is, erm, the fifth main one I've been on. not counting randoms ones with a fleeting history. I started on world of warcraft forums looking up game patches and new releases, then community activity with my fellow gamers. And my god! the flames wars here are tame compared to those ones. Think youtube comments.

    I'm a little open to talking about it with my OH, thou he doesn't understand what we find to talk about. Ironic really since on gaming forums most of them talked about their work, family life and hobbies, like here Smiley smile so he just assuming its ALL wedding talk.

    I have to say thou, when a flame wars pops up here I'm genuinely surprised the admins do nothing about it. On every other forum I've been on they've had a 'closed it down, hose it down policy' But that being said those forums are filled with kids to big kids in suits. And flames wars don't pop up as often, like every 6 months maybe, if that? on gaming forum, every 24 hours practically.

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  • flowersinherhair
    Beginner April 2014
    flowersinherhair ·
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    I'm out and proud, OH goes on a Puma forum and has regular meets and track days so it's not weird to him so I go on it while I'm sat next to him and whenever I talk to close friends about here I never give the name away I just said it's a wedding forum I go on to get tips and stuff, it's just easier to explain that way, rather than saying I spend most of my time on OT than actually wedding planning.

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  • Hoddy
    Beginner July 2014
    Hoddy ·
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    View quoted message

    Do you mean ford puma??!

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  • Hoddy
    Beginner July 2014
    Hoddy ·
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    View quoted message

    Do you mean ford puma??!

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  • leni-lw!
    Beginner November 2011
    leni-lw! ·
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    This is the 2nd main one I've been one, the other place is secret so we have secrecy there too and can talk very open.. have been a member since 2006 and have met a lot of them and stayed with one in Melbourne for a week.

    Oh knows im here, and if theres any intresting topics I ask him and stuff.. have told one or two friends about here and there like a bit ? about being on a forum.

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  • Ohwhatatuesday
    Beginner May 2014
    Ohwhatatuesday ·
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    This is my first and only forum too. Oh knows I go on here and doesn't seem to think it's weird, I havent really told anyone else but that's more because I'm worried about them snooping. I like that I can be more open here about the stuff I don't have the courage to be open with irl.

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  • flowersinherhair
    Beginner April 2014
    flowersinherhair ·
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    View quoted message

    Yep

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  • Hoddy
    Beginner July 2014
    Hoddy ·
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    My OH is on one too.

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  • *Pugsley*
    Beginner March 2014
    *Pugsley* ·
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    I'm glad I'm not the only one who is a little bit secretive.

    OH does know I go on here, he just doesn't know how addicted I am!

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  • Red Kite
    Beginner
    Red Kite ·
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    Mr RK knew I was on here but not how much and didn't know my forum name. I found lots of good WP tips and our photographer through hitched. I haven't really mentioned to anyone else (yet) that I am on here. I have lots of friends who are really active on various running forums so I don't think they would find it odd that I use a forum, but probably just that I post so much on a forum about weddings when I'm not having one anymore and in theory it should be a painful subject. Which it is, but trying to explain the Otter world wrapped up inside a wedding forum would just require too much detail! I do like the anominity too - I can tell you lot things that I can't tell people IRL because they only know the 'strong' me. Blah.

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  • ebony_rose
    Genius
    ebony_rose ·
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    My H knows I am on here (thanks google), but he uses forums too, so "understands".

    My friends know I use a forum, but not which one. I met my H online, along with my ex fiancé, and the one before that, along with my eldest sons Dad. I have plenty of real life friends too, but I adore my online friends too. One of my online friends was one of only 2 guests invited to my wedding. I met him IRL the day before my wedding.

    I did use a few, but over the past 10 months, I cut down, and now only use here and MD.

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  • TheRealTricks
    Beginner January 2012
    TheRealTricks ·
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    I've only ever used this forum which I accidentally came across in 2009 when searching for a wedding venue. Saw the forums and couldnt resist wading in with my opinion.

    My H knows I use(d) Hitched but nobody else does; I'm not protective of it, its just none of my friends (to my knowledge) are the sorts to use forums.

    ETA - My H isnt a forum user and still (4 years on) finds it weird that I use one.

    ETA - I am a member on another forum but I dont post on there (only very, very rarely).

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  • Panjita
    Beginner May 2011
    Panjita ·
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    I met my Husband on a forum, we met twice on forum nights out and we stayed in contact for about 3 years before we actually became an item. He knows I come on here and he occasionally lurks too. He used to make me laugh before our wedding, I'd get home and he'd start "I can't believe that XXX said that on Hitched today" and state on his opinions of people. He had a fair bit to say about AJ.

    My first ever meeting with anyone from a forum was back in 2005 when one of the regular forum members died really tragically, I went to his funeral. I know it sounds weird to go to the funeral of someone you have never met but all I can say is that, I felt like I knew him and it was all so close to where I lived, I felt like I couldn't NOT go if that makes sense.

    I have talked openly about certain aspects of my life on here which I wouldn't want certain people to read (and they would know it was me!) so I wouldn't advertise the fact that I am a regular poster!

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  • Red Kite
    Beginner
    Red Kite ·
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    Haha yes I witnessed that when I was younger as well - some arguments were epically out of proportion (tempted to go and find some).

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  • Jaysmonkey
    Beginner August 2014
    Jaysmonkey ·
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    I'm on a rabbit forum...my current post count there is 23117.... As you can guess I am on there frequently...?

    I joined initially to improve my bunnies lives and also for help with vets and such.

    I'm also on a tortoise forum..again found when looking at tortoise ailments.

    I also visit the forums on Folksy and Etsy as I sell on both sites.

    Then I'm on here ?

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  • TheRealTricks
    Beginner January 2012
    TheRealTricks ·
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    How do people have the time to be on more than one forum?!

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  • Panjita
    Beginner May 2011
    Panjita ·
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    I'm not sure, I keep trying to get into Mumdrum but it never happens.

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  • H
    Beginner
    happy2marry ·
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    This is my first forum experience really (I normally interact on the web via facebook an twitter). The upcoming wedding has pushed me to try something new in preparation.

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  • *J9*
    VIP March 2014
    *J9* ·
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    A couple of people know I come on to a forum but they don't know which one or to what extent.

    I'm on here on and off for most of the working day (how do I still have a job?) and am completely addicted! Oops!

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  • Mrs Bass
    Beginner March 2011
    Mrs Bass ·
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    Im on here and MD.

    Im quite open about it really.

    H is on a couple of Double bass forums and was befoer I joined here so we often talk abotu things going on on our forums!

    i do think some people have a percieved view of forums and people who use them

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  • ~Peanut~
    Beginner December 2012
    ~Peanut~ ·
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    I'm on here and rarely MD, but that's it. I have been on other forums since I was about 12 or 13 though and have online friends I have known for 10+ years. H knows about Hitched as we met online, so he wouldn't find it weird. I would only tell people about Hitched that I knew would understand (e.g. two of my RL friends have friends they met through forums). I think it's increasingly common but it's still something people are embarrassed to admit as it still has "loser" connotations.

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  • kharv
    Beginner March 2012
    kharv ·
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    I'm only on here (I'm a member of MD but don't really post).

    I'm quite open about referring to people I've met on here but I don't tell anyone the name of the forum. My friends joke about the fact that I refuse to tell them.

    H doesn't use any apart from the odd football rumours/transfer news one.

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  • lil_2014
    Beginner July 2014
    lil_2014 ·
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    I am only here too, but purely of lack of time to follow any other! ?

    I am not ashamed about it all and constantly tell tales from here to OH! But then again, not afraid of being labelled anything and proud to be a geek!

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  • Meltdown
    Dedicated September 2021
    Meltdown ·
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    I first came on hitched about 5 years ago I think (it was yellow then) when i was planning my first wedding. I was introduced by IRL friend. after my wedding I left and post divorce I started lurking again a year or so ago.

    Said IRL friend left in the mass exedus to DW and I have no idea if she still posts there or not.

    I have told a couple of friends that I go on a forum, but not which one. OH knows i go on a forum but as we are not engaged I have not really explained which forum. It would be a little embarrasing for me. I really only hang out on OT but do lurk every so often on WP, and dream of the sort of wedding I would have this time round.

    OH does understand going on forums, he uses pistonheads and we have been to a meet when we have gone to Le Man 24hr race.

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  • BrownEyedGal
    Beginner May 2014
    BrownEyedGal ·
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    I'm a bit secretive about it. I don't name the site and just say online or something vague. I think it's mainly that I don't want friends to find my posts, but there is still a bit of an association with being a 'saddo'! Haha! OH knows I come on here regularly, he goes on a forum to do with his car. It's a big interest and hobby for him, like WP is for me at the moment.

    I also go on a forum called backyard chickens. We've got 2 pet ducks so I get some good advice about taking care of them from there.

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  • Elixia
    Beginner March 2014
    Elixia ·
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    View quoted message

    oooh whats DW?

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  • Meltdown
    Dedicated September 2021
    Meltdown ·
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    I was absent at the time so perhaps others that were around at the time may know more details.

    there was a big arguement over something or other (on OT i think) and a large amount of regular posters were very upset. someone set up an alternative site and i honestly dont know if the name is still banned here (I belive it was at one point) called Dead wood.

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  • *Teabag*
    Beginner June 2013
    *Teabag* ·
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    My OH knows that I am on here and laughs at my questionable username. I don't log out of my account either so he could have a good snoop if he wanted! None of my friends know about Hitched though and I prefer it that way. I think that I would feel really uncomfortable if any of them did, as I like the fact that I could post something quite private and not feel judged at all.

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