Best man issues.....

Hmmm, tough. On the one hand, it's kind of in the job description. On the other, it must be REALLY bothering him to actually front up and tell you that he doesn't want to do a speech. If it was just that I'd be inclined to give him a pass. My dad doesn't want to make a speech at our wedding so we are just going to skip it. The addition of the thoughtlessness with the stag do though adds another dimension. Is he expecting to carry on and just go without a groom? Is he maybe trying to get himself sacked deliberately because he just can't tell you that he can't do it? This is really up to the groom to deal with though.

Were not having speaches - its really cruel to expect people to publicly speak especially in front of parents and strangers plus the added pressure of being funny, glowing but not offensive or contrived

its a really outdated tradition and not fair at all to the person burdoned with it and it should be optional for anyone who WANTS to give one, im guessing you know him pretty well to have asked him to be best man so you should known well in advance (as you stated you did) that he is uncomfortable with it so it was not right to just expect him to get over anxiety for your wedding

with the stag do it sounds like bad communication, if its his first time as best man he probably had no idea what he was doing and didnt want to ask for help/ruin the suprise... what has been done so far?

is it booked?

paid for?

or just planned?

if its still in talks theres no real issue, just point out that day is no good but if deposits have been paid to companies already then im not sure maybe yous could see if the company would transfer the booking to another date

I don't think speech's are outdated, our best man is giving one. He's a quiet person generally but he's really looking forward to it.

If your best man isn't comfortable I wouldn't force the issue. Maybe a bridesmaid could give a speech? Or just skip it?

As far as the stag goes, that's a weird one. But I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he wanted to plan a surprise. Or maybe he just didn't think. He'll have to change the date now - no stag without the groom - and your h2b can give him a list now of anyone that's been missed.

Try not to let it stress you. It's easier said than done but don't stress about someone else's behaviour. You've got no control over it. Deal with the things you can control and let everyone else sort themselves out.

I certainly dont expect anyone to 'get over anxiety' for my wedding im not a bridezilla

my main concern was him going from being worried to saying not wanting to do it all. I have no issue with speeches as such and who does what i did think of bridesmaid but did worry that may make him look worse. i guess my biggest worry was the top table in my understanding the best man sits up there as he does a speech and i wondered would it be odd if he sat up there and not doing a speech, more so as i sent the table plan off to the stationers the day before!!

i think the stag do upset me more as he had invited a lot of his friends and not asked my h2b who he wanted.....and was planning on still going to the arranged 'do' with a blow up doll dressed as the stag!!

anyway it seems its all sorted now after the best man has had a telling off from his own wife who said he couldnt go on the stag do without the stag, with only 4 weeks til we get married it needs to be asap it was not a massive night out or weekend away but it was somehting for the hubby to look forward to

anyway im rambling the weekend before the wedding looks set to be the new stag do and when questioned about the speech he has said of course i will say something it just wont be fabulous!! we dont need fabulous and just a little something is lovely, h2b is happy again, im no longer stressed about seating plans and more importantly its Friday yay

At my cousins wedding the best man was too nervous to do a speech - so it was delegated to the groom, then he was too nervous to do it so my poor cousin had to do it herself! Awwww x

Sounds to me like he doesn't want to do it at all but just doesn't want to say. He is probably thinking that he would prefer to be a guest and be able to relax and enjoy the day more. Is there someone else your husband to be can ask to do it instead?

I was a chief bridesmaid last year (something that I should never have said I would do in the first place) and I was really anxious about it all and really didn't enjoy it at all. I tried speaking to my friend after she asked me and told her I was apprehensive about doing it and she just said I was being silly. If someone said to me that they were apprehensive about doing it I would immediately say that they didn't have to do it as I wouldn't want to put them through any stress.

I also tripped on my dress outside the church, fell down the stairs when I tripped then fainted at the altar! I ended up with a swollen sore ankle and swollen sore knee for the rest of the day and kept worrying that I was going to trip over my dress again! Had I been a guest none of that would have happened.

Although it's "our day" I think it's important that we think of the people we love and who are closest to us and their feelings too. I personally don't think it's right for anyone to say that because it's "their day" that people have to do, say and wear certain things. It's a rather selfish way of looking at it. Why should someone change just for us and "our day" when we are already getting to marry the person of our dreams?

Two ideas. Do you have someone as back up? Could you ask him is he happy to do this or would he prefer to be a groomsman? Or could he be best man and another friend make the speach? Lots of people have two best men now.

He's probably worried because people do such elaborate speeches these days (which are entertaining for guests, but I often find them unintentionally insincere as they are so focused on being funny and different) the last wedding I went to the groom did a rap!

At my wedding neither my dad, fiancé or best man are into speaking in public and last thing I want is for them to feel nervous all day, or try too hard to be funny (I get embarrassed for peopke easily) so I've just said please keep it simple and short, no pressure! Maybe you can say you are fine with him just keeping it simple and he doesn't need to rap or anything!!

No idea about the stag, sounds like he's terrible at organising things!