Bit gutted, people already saying they can't come, not sure what to do

Why don't you just ring you aunt and uncle and have a chat with them to explain how much you want them there and how you will help them with travel/accommodation, etc? I suspect they went via your dad as they probably feel a bit bad and therefore found it easier to speak to him rather than you, so I would just ring them and have a chat. They might have a change of heart once they speak to you and hear that it's not such a trek after all. We live in Bristol too but my side of the family and some friends are all London based. So far I've not had any "it's too far to come" issues, but we also have a lot of Bristol friends as OH is a Bristol boy, so I'm hoping it'll even out.

So yes, I would just try and speak with your aunt and uncle directly and explain everything properly, at least you will know you tried your best to get them there.

Honestly? Unless you're really close to them, I'd leave it. You've chosen to get married somewhere that isn't convenient so I think you have to expect a number of declines based on that alone.

If you absolutely must speak to them I'd go down the "Dad's told me you don't think you can make it, is there anything we can do to make it easier?". 3-4 hours drive is a long way, even more so if you have to do it on public transport. It's also expensive once you've added up travel costs, hotel and gifts and outfits...

Lommel, I do understand that 3 hours isn't close, but I don't think it is really mega far (we have gone to Spain for one persons wedding, that is a long way away in my opinion). Also we didn't exactly have a choice as we live in Bristol now and it's a long way from all our friends and family, who are spread about all over the country. We did sit down and work out that Bristol is roughly 3 hours from most of our guests so was as convenient as we could possibly make it for everyone anyway.

I have seen from experiencing other peoples weddings that guests who have travelled some distance have turned it into a bit of a mini break and had a few days in the local area to make the trip more worthwhile. I have suggested that to family, but it feels like the prospect of having to leave their county is too much to even contemplate.

Also we are having camping on site, to keep costs as low as possible for a lot of people (although I do acknowledge that camping is not for everyone).

You are right though, we aren't mega close to them so maybe I should get in touch just to see if there is anything I can do to help enable them to come and if they still don't want to, let it go and invite some other people instead!

Although I can see that it's not the most convenient / cheap wedding for your relatives to get to, I think if they really were desperate to come, they would make the effort (sorry this sounds harsh - it's a reflection on them not you!). I'm sure your relatives who you are close to will make the effort to come. I know it probably feels hurtful now, but it's only this one couple who've said they can't come - chances are, everyone else will!

I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation here

In my opinion 3 hours really is not that far, we have been to a wedding in Cuba and were DELIGHTED to have been asked to attend by the bride and groom to share such a special day. But I say this with my family all living at least 3 hours away - but we still support each other and get to see each other as much as possible.

For some people, just leaving their hometown can be a step too far and mentally hard to comprehend - I guess that is what has sparked this initial reaction via your dad. Its hard not to pressure people but I would get in touch to say how sad you are they may not be able to attend and is there anything you can do to help - it sounds as if you already have many options which could help them. I would avoid saying anything which they could construe to be "guilt tripping" just say, you'd love to have them there.

I am sure this uncle and aunt who are saying that cannot attend will be an exception in your family, not the rule. Most will be excited to share in such a special day - and if they let something like a few hours travel get in the way - do you really want them there?

Good luck with whatever you decide

I would say it depends on how old your Aunt and Uncle are. As people get older, they don't like travelling long distances. 3/4 hours might not seem a long time to some people to travel but to others, it's a long way. Are you very close to them? It may be worth speaking with them yourselves to see if it's really the travel problem and suggest being given a lift with other relatives.

If you're really close to them you could always have a word with them nicely and explain that it'd mean a lot to you if they came, on the other hand if you were really close i'd imagine theyd make the effort in the first place to travel? Although as RF says it depends on their age too, if they're older i'd understand them not wanting to travel and stay overnight etc.
I think it's just one of those things sadly when you plan a wedding at a distance that there are some (only some) people bound not to come because of that.
Don't worry, the ones that matter to you most will be there and if they don't make the effort then you don't need them there.
Like you say theres family travelling abroad etc so the ones who won't travel a few hours aren't worth the effort, if it were me i'd just leave it with anyone else, if they don't want to come that'd be fine with me. Try not to worry though i'm sure majority will be there for your big day!

I'm going to go against the grain and say 3 to 4 hours is a chuffing long way! Especially on public transport. I'm guessing they don't live next to the train/bus station and your wedding isn't at a venue next to the train/bus station so they have to factor in travelling to and from there at each end. It's not easy and I don't think I would want to do it.

Have you considered that they may not be able to afford to come? Or that they wouldn't be able to get time off work?

I would doubt very much they are doing this to be awkward or unkind.

Holey,

I guess distance of travel is relative to the person really. I'd happily travel for a few hours to attend a friend or family members wedding, so do find it hard to take that it is pretty much the only reason they don't want to come, but I do understand your point. Unfortunately it's difficult for me to do anything about that, as pretty much everyone we are inviting lives a few hours away. Ultimately Bristol was fairly equidistant from everyone, so I thought it was the best option really (otherwise some people would have had to travel for 6 hours or more).

We are providing camping, and can offer cheap B&B rooms at the farmhouse to try and keep costs low. Also we can easily arrange for someone to pick them up from a train station. Our wedding is on a Saturday and they have both recently retired so I know it's not a time off work issue, they told my dad it was a distance thing.

I'm just concerned now that everyone will find the distance too much and not want to come! We couldn't please everyone anyway and thought that this way the travel time was fair and equal for everyone!

Sorry Laura I wasn't suggesting you change your wedding or anything just more trying to provide a different view point.

If they are recently retired money may be tight for them or the prospect of a very long day on public transport just might not be doable for them.

I think 3-4hours is a long way... Not saying I wouldn't travel to go to a friends or family members wedding because I would! But let's not underestimate that is an heck of a joruney that not all people feel comfortable making. You say they are both retired... This suggest they are both over 60 sometime at this age people just aren't comfortable to travel so far from home and certainly not going to camp it out...

To be honest I'm not too sure why you are so upset about this now.... Your wedding is in July! I'm sure once the official invites go out your aunt and uncle will get more into the spirit of things and make an effort to be there if they can.

If they can't then its their loss not yours.... You'll still have your wedding and you probably won't even miss them.

dont worry about it!

just this year my friend announced she was getting married in 6weeks time... I told her I couldn't go due to work and this upset her! I was adamant I wouldn't go until the week before the wedding guilt got the better of me and I booked leave off work to attend. People change their minds... Likewise you may find you have people tell you they can come, and then at the last minute let you down!

From my personal experience my husband and I chose to have our wedding in essex where the majority of his very large family are rather than surrey where we live, our reasoning was that we couldn't have them all at the day as we couldn't afford it (we had 90 day guests and it would have been 150 if everyone had come and unfortunately our already large budget couldn't stretch any further!) this worked out ok for us and its not as far as you (probably about an hr to an hr and a half but took five hours the day before my wedding... Stress stress stress!!) but my main point would be it was such a nightmare travelling back and forth to essex constantly to plan it! Had to travel numerous times to the church, venue, photographer, make up artist, florist and hair lady... Not a massive issue but really did take up so much of our planning time! So to imagine having to drive 3-4 hours for those things would be hard, on the other hand some people plan weddings abroad and clearly manage without seeing things first or having trials but just wanted to help you see it from the other point of view

PinkButterfly, I guess the fact that it is still a long way away, and already people are saying they can't come (before we've even sent out the invites) is why I have got upset.

I probably will just let them know that I'd still love them to come and will help out any way I can to enable that to happen, but totally understand why they don't think they can come, and just wait and see. As you say it's a long way off, they may change their minds!

We have friends and family travelling from all over the UK. Most of my family are in Scotland and we're marrying in Northampton where we live. The one's travelling furthest are my disabled uncle and 86 year old Grandad. I did tell them not to worry if it was too far for them but they wouldn't miss it for the world. The one's with the biggest gripe so far are my FIL and Step-FMIL. They live locally but our venue isn't on a bus route and the thought of paying £10 each way in a taxi is too much for them. I know H2B will pay it for them but I'm tempted to tell them to stick 50p a week aside and that should cover it. I do find it odd that people would find 3 or 4 hours travel so inconvenient but I guess if it's not a journey you're used to making it can seem daunting. Each to there own. I'm sure your day will be lovely without them and those that truly matter will be there.

It sounds like you are clearer on what you want to do Laura which is good and sensible. As others have said, do send them an invite when the time comes. I speak from recent experience there was a situation where a member of the family had suggested they may not attend a wedding due to a small disagreement with bride's father, so the bride and groom didn't send them an invite.

When they found out the invites went out and they didn't get one, it caused a HUGE family rift that is still going on today. Even if you are 90% sure they will still say no I would send them the invite just to keep the peace!

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Depending on your relationship with them maybe you could give them a ring to discuss it? Like other people have advised then l would send them an invite anyway and see what happens. 3 hours doesn't seem far to me and l have travelled a lot further for people's weddings in the past... It was naughty they got back to your Dad if you were the ones who gave them the invite. I can see why you are having it where you live now as wedding planning takes a lot of time and planning never mind travelling numerous time to view and origanise things. I am from Manchester originally and a lot of Mr Erin's family live in Ireland but we are having our wedding party in London. I know some people are put out by this but there isn't much l can do about that. Where ever we had held it then it wouldn't have been convenient for someone.

I understand that they are your aunt and uncle but I do think that 3-4 hours is a long way especially if they're a little bit older and the type who doesn't like to travel to places they don't know. My mum is exactly like this and does not go to places she doesn't know unless she's with someone who does know how to get there.

If they're older it might be a bit too tiring for them.

I'm not trying to make excuses for them as I can see why you'd be upset but I'm just trying to see it from what might be their point of view.

Don't panic! People will make the effort and come over if it is a few hours. Some people think traveling out of their home town is too far!

The thing is, you have absolutely no idea about their circumstances. They may be saying it's too far, but for all you know there's another reason they just don't want to tell you. Maybe (god forbid) one of them is ill, or they have serious financial worries. I really wouldn't be calling them up and pressuring them and saying you're hurt they can't make the effort. You have extended the invitation and they have declined as is their right, it's an invitation not a summons. Some family friends declined our wedding invitation saying it was her dad's 80th birthday, which I thought was odd as her (grown-up) daughters came in the evening, but I didn't make a thing of it. Recently I've found out that actually her husband has been quite ill, although you wouldn't know it to look at him, and that's the real reason they didn't come.

Please don't worry about the others. If they are able and willing, they will be there I'm sure.

Yeah I agree just leave them to it. Send them the official invite and take it from there.

3-4 hours on a train is not cheap, its not convenient and 2 nights stayover as well is expensive, you're not just talking about the actual room, theres eating and drinking out as well.

I don't know anyone that would try and squeeze it into one night stay either, thats too long to travel on a wedding day when you have to get checked in and into your finery before the service.

I live miles and miles away from my family too, we're talking 5 hours drive or 7 hours train and although we do try to make all family weddings sometimes it is just not doable. I would be hurt to find out the bride and groom were hurt instead of just understanding that they are asking a lot of us.