Bit of a sore subject...

In all likelihood yes, gifts are optional surely?

If it happens at my wedding it'll be no big surprise as we do not have a gift list and have expressly said we do not expect gifts.

Well....

my family all got us cards, pressies money etc...

my hubbys on the other hand were a bit of a mixed bunch...

his family are mainly from ireland and a lot couldnt make the trip over... not one of these even sent a card which i thought was extremely rude really. we didnt expect any money but would have been nice to feel they were thinking of us on our special day.

about half of his family that came gave outrageous amounts (well they were to me anyway) ranging from £150 to £500 per couple/family!

his mother... lovely lady helped us out with about £1500 towards the wedding but didnt even get us a card on our wedding day! me and my mother couldnt believe this!

his brother and sister both paid for bm dresses but again gave us nothing!

didnt give it much thought thought tbh my only issue was that when we look back at our wedding cards in years to come it will be a real shame not to have any from his closest family members!

My Bro got married in November and loads of people didn't give gifts - They were very shocked as some of them were bridesmaids / Grooms men. It does seem that quite a few people don't!

I'm not sure if I would notice I have to say. Like BV we have expressed that we don't want gifts but I'll keep a note of those that are given. I won't be checking them off a list/spreadsheet so it wouldn't be apparent if someone else hadn't.

I would take a gift if a day guest, not always if an evening guest. If a work colleague then wouldnt generally give a gift.

My aunt and her partner didnt even give my sister a card for her wedding, needless to say Im not expecting anything! My OH's family arent particularly well off, and they'll be spending money to come down so we dont expect anything.

We havent mentioned gifts in our invitations, we just want to enjoy our day with those closest to us!

I think i'd be a little surprised, as its customary to give a gift of some description and I, personally, would never not give a gift. However, its down to personal choice and it wouldnt effect any sort of friendship or whatever. Each to their own afterall.

I think you should definatley bring a gift to a wedding. you dont even have to spend that much; go to matalan and buy a fancy vase for £5 if your short on funds, but dont show up empty handed!

I had a chat with myfriend the other day. He said that whern he got married he pretty much re-couped the money spent on the recption in money and vouchers and that we should ask for money or vouchers as our wedding presents.

Personally, we won't be "asking" for anything. If people want to give us a gift, whether it's money, a voucher or 1 of 50 toasters then obviously, they're welcome to and we'd be very grateful. We're inviting them for their company and we want them to share our day. I personally wouldn't turn up to a wedding without a card and a gift but I don't expect all of my guests to think the same.

That said, every one of our guests knows that we're starting out in a new house (I move out of the family home the night of the wedding - My Nan is so proud! ? ) and I dare say most of them will recognise this. I won't be upset if people didn't though.

Not to sound shallow but im genuinely shocked at the amount of people saying they dont expect to get anything and have told guests not to bother...

not being funny but i forked out over £50 a head for my guests and if im invited to a wedding im always aware of this factor and like lovebirds said if im broke i buy them something cheap but nice

Because your guests are there on your request to celebrate your day with you, not give you presents?

Sorry just to clarify, I'm not saying that everyone must bring a gift for us, far from it! I don't expect anything from anyone and feel guilty even asking but it just got me thinking when OH's brother hadn't heard of giving gifts!

A lot of our guests are travelling so will be spending on hotels and fuel so I'd completely understand if they didn't bring anything.

But still, I'd be kind of miffed if we didn't get a card as I'm hoping to keep these in my saddo wedding bx :-)

Yes i am ive always known it to be the done thing why else are tesco shelves full of wedding congratulation cards. i didnt expect much but a card at the very least it was very upsetting to me and oh that his mother, brother and sister didnt get us a card

I wouldn't be surprised if someone didn't buy a gift, in fact we asked for people not to buy gifts. Everyone also got a thank you card for just coming.

I personally couldn't ever go to a wedding without giving a gift or money, but we are not expecting everyone to be of the same mind.

Each to their own but I would expect a card at least!

We don't have a gift list as we've lived together for 5 years and have everything in our home etc

we just inserted a cheeky little poem in our invitations and if people choose to give us a gift of money then that is a bonus ?

You really dont read things right do you... how many times do i have to mention that we only expected cards.... cford and i have said this about 5 times between us...

My mother didn't get us a card and I'm pretty sure his mother didn't either. As it happened they both helped us out financially but regardless of that they have been there for us throughout wedding planning and our relationship. That means much more to us. I certainly wasn't upset.

I also find it a bit strange that, after she have you £1500, you told your mother that she didn't get you a card?

I'm genuinely not bothered about whether we get gifts or not. I wouldn't go to a wedding without bringing something and I think it's a bit strange to not even know about bringing a gift, but if our guests don't bring gifts I won't be offended. My venue is slightly out of the way for some of my guests (we're getting married in the Essex countryside and most of my friends/family are from various parts of London, and I'll have old uni friends coming from all over the country), I appreciate them making the effort to come and that's all I care about. I've chosen to get married and I've chosen to spend a certain amount on my wedding, I don't expect my guests to "pay us back" for a life choice that we've made.

You shouldnt worry about it hun! We havent got a gift list but did put on the invitation that any contribution towards our honeymoon would be appreciated. Generally speaking people close to you will make the effort of getting you a gift even if you tell them not to bother. In general people do buy gifts and cards for a wedding but still it's not a must! I wouldn't ever go to someone's wedding without a gift as I would feel embarrassed, on the other hand I wouldnt mind if someone didnt get me a gift at my wedding! Have your gift list wedding if you have one but dont make a big deal out of it.....if some people turn up with nothing so what? Remember they are all there to celebrate your big day, the day you marry the man you love. You are not getting married for the gifts, so if I were you I would stop worrying about it. Your biggest gift is the people's attendance, and those who are close to you wouldnt forget you! I am getting married in a few weeks and when people ask what we want i say you dont have to get us anything no one has any money, just be there on our day. If you do insist though then we are collecting money for our honeymoon as there is nothing we need. Some people havent got any money at all to spare so there can be guests who might not attend because they cant buy you a gift. Make sure people feel like it is important they are there for you no matter what!!!!!! :-)

Hi C - sorry if I sound mean but I am one of those people and know lots more in my circle of friends. Don't get me wrong, I have given and love giving wedding presents to friends and family but sometimes I/we haven't. Especially if the wedding is far away and we've spent a lot of money travelling there and paying for accommodation.

We got married 2 weeks ago and told people we didn't want presents. Yes it's nice to get them but we weren't EXPECTING gifts and we actually wanted people to come and share our day with us rather than worry about what to get us. We didn't have a gift list. If people specifically asked because they insisted on getting a gift then we gave them some idea of what we like but mainly we left it up to everyone a) whether they got us a gift and b) what that gift was if they did want to give us something.

I did write down what we got (we still got loads of pressies) as I wanted to personally thank everyone that got us something but we were in no way offended if we didn't get a card or present. My husband's brother who was BM and some of our closest friends didn't get us anything at all - who cares? We appreciated the fact that they turned up, enjoyed the food and most importantly were there to celebrate us getting married. Some people spent hundreds of pounds flying from Europe or travelling up the country and then paying for hotel rooms - we're touched that our friends and family think highly of us to spent that sort of money to be there on our day. It's not about what presents you get at the end of it all, that's just an added bonus!

I went one better and charged people to come to my wedding. I also expected a present and card. If they didn't pay they were not allowed in the venue.

We're not too fussed about gifts. I know we're feeding people but our guests are also giving up their time to come & celebrate our marriage so that kind of makes us even!

We wont be asking for anything but if people really want to give us something then we're going to ask for money towards our honeymoon. We've lived together for a few years so have every household item we want (unless we can convince someone to give us a spinning bike or two!!).

Other peoples wedding add up for guests. Maybe a new outfit, hotel room, drinks so I can understand people not doing gifts. A card is a nice simple gesture though.

Oooopsy this seems to have been a bit of a sorer subject that I first thought!

Thanks for your replies everyone! It was less of a 'worry' and more of a general wondering about your experiences. Cards are more important to me than gifts as I can keep them forever and I think it's a much more personal thing to write a card than a cheque.

As most of you say, it's about sharing your day with those you love and if those you love are broke, you don't love them any less ?

Sorry, but I think this sounds really shallow!

I think that the majority of people would take a gift to a wedding, it is just one of those things. And I am surprised that someone wouldn't know this very common tradition...however.. I would never expect everyone to give a gift. For some people your wedding means taking time off working, forking out for accommodation, petrol, babysitters, maybe a new outfit....sometimes the budget doesn't stretch. You just need to recognise that everyone coming has already given you a present, by being present.

?

All of our guests are flying out to Cyprus to attend our wedding and we have tld them NOT to get us any gifts, it really does mean so so much to us both that they have spent such huge amounts to be with us on our special day. ?

Personally I would always take a small gift if I was invited to a wedding unless it was someone from work in which case we would probably have clubbed together and already given them something at work from all of us.

I don't know whether we will get presents or not especially as we have both been married before. We don't have a list and so far no-one has asked but i really am not bothered. If we do get gifts, whatever they are will be greatfully received, if we don't it doesn't matter and certainly won't spoil our day.

We are getting married because we love each other and want to get married. We have invited our guests because we want to share our day with them.

I agree i personally could never attend a wedding without taking a card and present/money or any other such event like dinner party or birthday.

The reality is i probably wouldn't notice if somebody didn't bring a card or gift unless I thought about it after and compared to the guest list.....But if i did think about this after i probably would be a bit shocked if anyone attending the ceremony and breakfast didn't at least get a card as its only my nearest and dearest friends and family.

What is more frustrating/awkward I have a friend who for my past 2 birthdays has 'forgotten' my present i.e. claimed to have brought me one but forgot to pick it up when leaving the house on route to my party .... so she must have 2 presents of mine sitting at her house but no effort has been made to give them to me and i would feel bad reminding her to give me the present she said she had got me (she is rather scatty i mean i got my Christmas card on the 7th January this year minus a stamp i had to pay for it at the post office) I do wish she would just not bother LOL

Hey Laynarose!

I think I would be like this if my guests wouldnt have to spend lots of money for my wedding but in our occassion all our guests are spending a huge amount of money for their flights and hotel to come to our wedding and we are just grateful they are coming to be honest! Also our parents and close family are contributing towards the wedding so I wouldnt expect any extras from them! What would upset me a bit is if people don't get us a card! Simply because I collect cards, any type of card! I have kept all birthday cards, new home cards, engagement, wedding attendance, everything and would love to keep my congratulations cards as well! lol

I would never go to someone's wedding and not give a gift or money as i think im not like that. I think its nice to give someone a card and a gift. I am not expecting anything of people, not saying it wont be nice if i do get anything, we are getting married abroad and having a reception over here, we are going to do a little poem to say if anyone does want to give anything then it would be helpful to give us money towrds the honeymon instead of gifts, but i think its personal prefernce. xx xx

Me too! do you really invite people to your wedding or a party you are having for any other reason just to get a present?? If you resent paying to feed them then either don't invite them or don't have a party in the first place.

Personally I would never attend a wedding without a gift, even if it was something small, but with that said, I'd not be upset if any of our guests didn't give us a gift. They are all expected to travel so therefore will all occur travel and accommodation cost and many (esp woman) will no doubt "need" a new outfit ,shoes etc, but I would however hope that they do all give us a card as it would be nice to have them all to look back on.

We will be giving every guest a thank you card regardless whether they give us a gift or not, thank you cards are not only a thank you for gifts but also to thank them for attending a celebrating the day with us.