Bitter (kinda BT...)

Some people just have that affect on people. There's a chap that's just started our place he's only been here 4 months but he's fit in so well it feels like he's been here years, in fact he's been on honeymon all this week and the whole office has confessed to missing him.

It's hard to not feel the way you do when you've been out of the loop but you'll feel better as time goes on, get to know this girl don't put up your defences, then you may see what other people see in her.

I do see it tbh. She is a really lovely person and would be very difficult to dislike, but I hate that she now treats me like the new girl, trying to "help" me all the time, which I don't think I need since I've worked here for 11 years. I sometimes momentarily forget someones name or who is head of a department etc so if I ask, she then thinks I need her to not only remind me (which is all I need) but then to more or less take on the job I was doing in the first place. Her niceness is feckin annoying the hell out of me, it's bordering on being patronising.

I know what you mean, it's similar for me where I work. I've worked there for 2.5 years and they had some new employees about 6 months ago. I got upset because while our managers organise birthday cards for other people (including one of the girls who joined in April) I have never had one! So pathetic of me but I don't really get why I'm always excluded. I always sign other peoples cards but never been given one myself. Oh well.

That would p1ss me off so much. I totally get where you are coming from Panj, rant away.

This would drive me potty too, Panj. I really feel for you.

I get why its a big thing to you - I am very wary of people who are 'too' nice.

I am currently covering maternity leave and I can see it all being very awkward when she comes back - especially since she is going to be my manager. Weird.

There is another lady pregnant at the moment who works for the Big Boss here. Before I had A, if this lady was off on hols or whatever, I would cover for her, it is seen as a kind of privilege to be asked to work for him. Guess who now covers for her??? Guess who will be covering her Mat Leave??? Having just come back myself, I'm not sure I would have wanted to work for him tbh, but it's just the fact that I was completely overlooked that pees me off. Also, all the other girls here really love her so I can't even rant to them.

AND, she took my desk. I had to move to a desk up the corner and she kept my desk. That annoyed me. It's just another element adding to the feeling of being pushed aside.

She seems to just get in there before anyone else with everything. Maybe I should spend less time on Hitched and do some work! ?

Don't be so ridiculous! ?

That would make me livid, to be honest.

I'd be annoyed too Panj.

The fact she's so likeable is annoying but can't be helped. What would really pee me off is her apparantly insensitivity. She could have handled things better when you came back, of course it's going to be weird.

Also and I may be totally off here, but is she younger? does she have kids? Perhaps she's at an earlier stage of her career where she feels she needs to people please all the time, eager beaver so to speak? Whereas for you, although work is important, you have something much more important to go home to?

She's a only 2 years younger, divorced, no kids, lives with parents. But yeah, you have a point!

I would be unreasonably annoyed too, especially at the desk situation.

I have transferred to another depot recently and last couple of weeks I have been at the depot not in the classroom and on the whole people are lovely but a few have looked at me and talked at me as if I must know nothing- I have only come from Crewe not another planet! I am trying to be an annoying new person while at the same time I don't want people thinking I am a miserable cow.

How long have you been back at work? Maybe she will seem less in your face as time goes on.

Management always love a good brown noser.

Agree with this 100%!!

I'm back full time. Been back since the end of August after almost 14 months out (tagged AL on each end of my Mat Leave).

She is one of those people who falls over themselves to be helpful and has a smile permanently plastered on her face but it all seems really genuine!! I'm a naturally grumpy looking person and have been told on occasion that I can come across as unapproachable. I'm not grumpy or unapproachable and will help anyone should they need my help but I just have a grumpy resting face. I need to sort my face out!! I have been told on very, very many occasions to "Smile, it might never happen". That phrase makes me want to twat someone.

Me too. It's because the corners of my mouth naturally turn down.?

I forgot about the flirting. She flirts incessantly. It's embarrassing. I need a guide in how to stop being bitter.

And me. I have a bitchy resting face.

Panj, I found things really changed when I went back after mat leave last time. The management was different and I'd dropped to 30 hours a week so I became 'that part timer' and never felt taken seriously and wasn't even informed when there's was an opportunity for promotion whereas previously I'd have been encouraged to go for it. It's cr@ppy I know

Haha. This is exactly what I was going to say.

I'd feel exactly the same as you. That would really piss me off.

I'm hating this girl too and I've never even met her!

Is there anything? Does she smell? Bad skin? Hairy places?

Too many women suffer silently with bitchy resting face: https://youtu.be/3v98CPXNiSk

I'd be pissed off as well, especially about the desk! Oh, and how condescending that she wants to offer you help!

I would be pissed off too - especially at the desk thing. I can see how you feel but remember office politics is often quite fake. I don't know what your office but being 'popular' at work doesn't always mean your good at your job. I always think the people that are friends with absolutely everyone at work must looks like hard work as it must take a lot of time out of your day to chat to absolutely everyone (especially if you've only been there a short amount of time).

With the covering maternity leave for the other person it probably wasn't offered to you not because she's more capable than you but because you've only just come off maternity leave.

From her point of view she may also feel like she's got a point to prove now too as it's hard stepping into someone else's shoes especially if they've been there for years and she may be intimidated by that and that might make her patronising.

As Jojo says, being the new girl will wear off soon enough. Rant away on here - we'll dislike her with you!!

Panj, I really feel for you, this is totally and utterly sh!t. I'm livid for you, just because I'm so bitter and unhappy about my work- I know exactly how you feel, I'm in a similar situation (neopotism rather than because of Maternity leave). Sorry that's not helpful!

Some visitors arrived today so I welcomed them, settled them into the meeting room offered refreshments (which they politely declined) and left.

One of the visitors popped her head out to speak to another member of staff and Princess chirps up "Hi JULIE!!! How are you? Can I get you any drinks?". I felt like screaming "i've just fecking asked them!!!!!".

Again, i know she was only being nice and friendly but I felt like she was undermining me, like I wouldn't have already asked the obvious questions. Urgh, it pees me off so much.

Drawing pin on her seat?

Mmmm does sound like she's trying to prove a point...

I love that you're calling her princess

While I was off on Mat Leave, i asked a colleague what she was like and how she had fitted in, and she referred to her as a Princess too. ?

Wow, do you work in the same place as me?! I have this almost exact same situation with a girl in my office, except I haven't been on mat leave! You described so many of the situations I have been in with the cow in my office. She has just tried to usurp and undermine me constantly since her first day in my team. After nearly 2 years of putting up with her prancing, flirting, brown nosing and gener sucking up she is FINALLY leaving and I cannot wait! All the big cheeses love her way more than the rest of us steady workhorses and seem blind to the fact that she is actually pretty useless at her job. Very frustrating and not very 'sisterly' in my opinion! I am the longest serving member of my team and v integrated into the team and I think she saw this as a challenge upon joining and targeted me and my work and working relationships to try to make her mark. Very upsetting to see people you work hard for give preferential treatment to some piece of fluff! It took a while but after the first year or so the other girls I work with started noticing the fakeness, the flirting and her interfering which has made it slightly more bearable. she also has started to appear slightly unhinged! So I really do feel your pain, sounds like there are a lot of those types out there! And I also suffer from miserable face at rest syndrome. Damnit! ?

If you saw me, you would think "TWO FACED COW" because I do actually quite like her and I get on with her. I think i am jealous of her seemingly natural ability to be generally chirpy (even first thing in the morning), kind, thoughtful whilst also being very motivated and extremely competent at her job. Bitter.