BM Expectations

I didn't really have any expectations from my BM's - mostly because of their personal circumstances though. One was pregnant and gave birth a couple of weeks ago so will still have a small(ish) baby at the time of the wedding and the other is 15 and will be doing her exams at the time of the wedding.

I really didn't think either would be up to much but so far, the older one has helped massiely - sending me pictures of ideas for various things, buying me a wedding planner, even telling me the other day she is starting to plan my hen! Did not expect this!

I think on the day, I won't ask anything from them apart from to walk down the aisle with me and look fabulous. Oh and Ive specifically asked if the older one will lace me into my dress as she seems to be the only one that can do it right!

I'll be interested to see what other people say though as they may be thinking of things that haven't occured to me that need taking care of!

One of my bridesmaid who i expected to be the most help planning has recently joined the army so cant really help with any of it anymore. The other three are just as helpful but dont have as much time. They have all come with me to try on dresses for me and we have had a few trips for theirs. I have also taken them on a few trips to hobbycraft etc. On the day i expect them to just try and keep me calm and be there for me before the ceremony and help to get the guests dancing ect in the evening. All of mine are my very best friends but i know some people have bridesmaid who they didnt really want to ask, if this was the case i wouldnt expect them to do much!

Oh and I know they are also going to be planning my hen, the most important job!

When I read the lists in wedding mags of duties that BM,s best men and ushers are supposed to have I cant imagine delegating that much responsibility Id feel happier doing most of it myself! I think Ill just want my BMs to come dress shopping with me (I have 5 so it neednt be all of them) and maybe to a few wedding fairs. Either organise my hen night or help me do it. Other than that just be on hand for me to vent and show a bit of interest in the plans

Just to be there for support. I had 4 bridesmaids and I had an issue with one of them but it wasnt about duties as such, it was something totally different. I'm also bridesmaid in June this year, I'm the only bridesmaid but I have made sure that my friend knows that I'm there for her to help in any way I can, I've been there to all her dress fittings, gone shopping for bits here and bits there. I'm helping with the DIY stuff etc.... What are your expectations?

Oh and the obligatory hen organising, but some brides prefer to do that themselves.

Nothing but attend dress fittings! I'm not having a hen do.

I don't really expect anything from mine! I live quite far away from them both, so at the moment just trying to arrange a time when we can all get together for finding dresses is proving hard enough. My MOH is currently at college and will only finish her course a couple of months before the wedding, and my other bridesmaid has a full time job, so I can't expect them to be very involved. I'm sure they would if they could but geography gets in the way haha.

Plus, although I get stressed out, I prefer to do things myself because that way I know it's been done! If I left it to other people I'd just be pestering them all the time to check it's been done, or worrying about how they're doing it, so I'd probably be stressing out more!

I have my sister as bridesmaid and my niece (sisters 2 yr old daughter) as flower girl. I dont expect anything of my BM as she'll have her hands full with the FG!! So I guess all I expect of her is to keep FG out of trouble! I have asked her to help clear the venue at the end of the evening as her husband will haven taken the children home by then, and we have a local hall venue that has to be cleared same night. Her and my mum are sorting the hen do but they had to wrestle it from me, I would rather do it myself!

Having siad that, even if I had a BM that wasnt my sister I wouldnt expect much. Possibly because I'm too much of a control freak though!

I don't have specific duties really. My CBM organised my hen and my other sister who is another BM made all my stationery with me! Other than that the other haven't done anything (FSIL and cousin) I felt like I should give them jobs but I don't really have any.

My cousin is driving them all to the hairdresser on the morning, apart from that, that's it. However FSIL will be taking the page boys downt he aisle, but they are her sons haha xx

I didn't actually ASK mine to do anything, but on the day they just kind of stepped into the role and were a-ma-zing. The grass was wet outside the church so without being asked between them my veil or the bottom of my dress didnt touch the wet grass once. One of them was always on hand to turn round my neclace (a bit annoying as I didn't even notice it slipping the wrong way) they totally calmed me before the ceremony, helped me dress, took loads of photos, gathered cards up, topped up my lippy and drinks, numerous things, I think they had a secret meeting before the big day and discussed who was doing what as they were brilliant! Also my oldest BM helped with my hen and spent a few days helping with favours, invitations and came to dress fittings. The other 2 are only 14 and 16 so wanted the dress to be a surprise and werent old enough to come on the hen bless them!

A fun topic this!

I have had problems with one BM not being able to conceive the idea of communication, well, lack of. The level of stress brought on from chasing one BM has driven me mad and quite frankly, I want to remind her that being BM is not just about wearing a pretty dress.

Overall though, the others have been amazing

x

I didn't really have much expectation for mine really.

My CBM has been fantastic (as fantastic as she can me living over 200 miles away). She's shown a real interest in the wedding, helping me make decisions, listening to me rant and moan, being there to share everything with (she's the only person besides mum - and you hitchers of course - who has seen my dress) and we're jointly organising my hen but she's getting me a few bits for it etc and think she has some secret surprises as she's been having secret text conversations with my OH!

My other BM hasn't done anything yet so far, not even asked how plans are going! Some of you may have seen my recent post about my other BM, I know you have MAG, and I'm hoping she'll do my wedding hair for me!

I think the BMs need to do something to deserve a thank you gift!

And I also expect my CBM to help me with going to the loo hehe! She's also doing a reading for us, other than that I think that's the only expectations/jobs!

My bm's are my 3 sisters - 13, 21 and 29 years old at time of wedding. I don't expect much of any of them at this point in planning - apart from my oldest sister who is my moh and we live together so are quite close - I do ask her opinions etc.

but on the day of the wedding I shall be handing her (and the best man) a list and will expect them both to manage the day so that me and hubby can relax! and my sister knows and expects this so its all good!

x

Mine were very similar - we never discussed what their "duties" were, they just were there and were helpful. They organised my hen party totally in secret, only contacting me for the date I wanted and a list of guests. They came dress shopping when they could, although they couldn't make it to all the trips, and we had a big shopping trip for their dresses which they all came on. They didn't do much in terms of actual wedding planning, but I didn't ask them to.

On the day, again we didn't discuss anything particular, but they were just there all the time, looking after the dress, keeping me topped up with drinks, looking after all my bits and bobs in their handbags etc. They were on standby for toilet duty but thankfully not needed!

I think how well they work depends on who they are - mine were my sister and two close and very sensible friends. I imagine if they were more distant relatives (e.g. sister-in-law/random cousins) or younger bridesmaids it might not be such plain sailing.

Mine have done nothing but be royal pains in the bum, apart from one who is my cousin and only 14 years old bless her. All the other 2 do is whine and moan about things and never respond to any of my emails. If it were completely up to me I wouldn't have the others, but with only 3 and a half month's to go I don't really have much choice. I don't expect anything from them on the day so I will be relying solely on my cousin BM and other family members! I am so envious of those of you lucky enough to have bridesmaids who are there for you and actually show interest in your wedding, cherish them!!!

I did sack my chief BM 3 months before the wedding and I havent spoken to her since, so nearly a year now... She was ruining things and generally being a chief b*tch and PITA. But thats another story!

My bridesmaids just have to turn up and look pretty. They also have to help me with ideas for my Bachelorette. I'm not calling it a Hen night (even though I'm british) because the term "Hen night" reminds me of screachy, loud women who can't handle their alcohol, stumbling down the street with flashing lights and pink crap everywhere ....uuuugghh the whole idea of that is just ...no. Just no.

I'm calling it a Bachelorette and I expect female strippers and no pink fluff. My bridesmaids have been selected carefully, they shall succeed bwhahhaa

LoL!!! Totally!!! I've already told my CBM she might be doing this!! x x x

Mine have no duties as such. One has taken control of the hen do. I started doing it myself and she said she wanted me to have some surprises so has highjacked the day for god knows what. My CBM is my little sister who is also doing A-Level exams as we speak so I didnt want to pile too much on her and another is final year phd. I honestly cant think of any jobs for them anyway...

My twin sister is my CBM, so she has taken control of the usual bridesmaid duties, i.e organising the hen do etc. The other girls I just want to support me on the day and calm my nerves! and help me go to the loo of course!

I think it's part of the brides maid's duty to help out on the bachelorette party. Although it is expected that the MOH do the planning and organizing, as a bridesmaid and as a friend of the bride (if you are her close friend) then you should help out. If you must, pitch in some of your ideas and suggestions. I found this site and they have lots of creative bachelorette party ideas and games. I've linked it here for you!

http://www.bachelorette-partyideas.com/clean-bachelorette-party-ideas.html

Pre-wedding -

CBM organised my hen do. The other BMs offered their help during the planning stage but we were pretty organised and didn't need their help.

On the actual day -

CBM & other BMs helped me unload the car, drop stuff off and get dressed in the morning. Toilet duties weren't needed because I went commando and went front on with the toilet...sorry if that's TMI but it worked for me ? During the day, each BM had small tasks i.e. hand out the confetti, arrange bouquets on the top table, empty the post box, remove the table plan, leave out the flip flop basket and midnight feast bags - nothing too taxing but things that the venue / event manager weren't responsible for. The day wouldn't have run so smoothly if it wasn't for our fantastic BMs.

Nothing at all. They are people with thier own lives- I asked them to say thankyou for being there for me and thats pretty much it. CBM organized my hen do and thats about it.

Last time I was a BM that's all I did as well, I don't see them as an additional set of hands- just someone to be there for you and to look pretty on the day!

I also only had a Tea Length dress- I didn't even need their help to wee.

My CBM is being fantastic we have very simular taste and she is more like a sister to me. I know she will be the one faffing around me making sure everything is just fine. My OH daughter 16 has been put in charge of our 5 year old daughter for the day so we can mingle and I won't need to worry, she loves looking after her anyway. And OH halfs sister will be 8 months pregant so her job is to make it down the aisle!

I don't expect them to do any planning, except the hen do! it would be nice if they came to a wedding fayre/dress fitting with me etc but again not expected oh and of course BM dress shopping

however on the day i would like them to do things like help guests find their seats for the wedding breakfast, give out confetti, help the photographer get people for pictures, help me with my dress, and maybe things like being honest if i need to do something, for example i'd expect them to be the ones to say you need to go and top up your make up or you have a smudge of eyeshadow or whatever...i'd also expect them to have pictures taken (no camera shy BMs!!)...other than that after all the 'important bits' are done they can get drunk and enjoy the party!!

I wouldnt say im expecting alot of them, but they will help me out with DIY bits, one of my BM's pretty much made all my invites, they have helped with ideas and been to wedding fayes with me. One has offered to do my hair and make up on the day. My younger sister is Moh, she and one other of the BM's will have the most involvement in the hen-do!! I am jus hoping they keep my make up luking okay on the day and help me in the loo!! Lol xxxx

One of my BMs is quite keen to plan my hen do, but other than that I'm not expecting them to do much other than for them to help me get ready on the day and help me go to the toilet in my big dress!

I dont expect anything of my bridesmaids but to turn up, but thats just me. My MOH has been really good though, shes taking her role really seriously (think her mum is telling her MOH things to do lol) so thats been really helpful to be able to pass the hen do planning on to her but thats all really? not sure what else she is supposed to be expected to do, aside from bm dress shopping but is that really a job? lol

I've not asked mine to do anything but turn up for a dress fitting so far. Three are family members and the CBM is a friend. I'm not even convinced the CBM is going to show up on the day let alone do anything beforehand. She's insisted on organising the Hen, won't tell me a thing about it but my friends have moaned that she's not even sent an email out yet. I'm planning my day as though she won't be there..

The only thing I've asked my bridesmaids to do is make sure I don't get too drunk on the evening! nobody likes a p1ssed up bride do they!