Breaking down barriers

Didn't want to read and run, but not sure that I have a lot of useful advice to offer you.

It must be very hard when you are feeling defensive, but totally natural if he's verbally abused you in the past. I think though if you have accepted him back, and he is trying hard, that you should let a little bit of your defenses down, bit by bit. Explain to him that you are still feeling bruised and it will take a while to feel okay about things and ask him to bear with you while the process unfolds. I think it's a case of you learning to trust more, little by little, and him continuing to prove he can continue to be kind to you and I'm sure it will be a slow process. Keep communicating though as I think that's how you'll get through it

Good luck with everything ?

I agree totally here. If he is back and trying hard it's about a bit of give & take on your side now I think? I take it he knows how he spoke to you in the past has affected the way you are now (not being able to accept compliments etc?)

Each time he says something nice hold your tongue for a few seconds and then say 'thank you'. It will help him as he may feel he is trying so hard for nothing in return. It sound slike he is willing to put in the effort?
It will take time but it sounds like your both willing to sort it out, at the moment him more then you but thats understandable as you were the one who suffered his nasty words, and he needs to understand that why your as you are now.

Like RB said - let the barriers down one by one. Start with saying thank you if he compliments you, then other little things will follow. ?

The fact that you know you are doing this is a good start and you have acknowledged that you want to make an effort too. I think the advice to pause before responding if you are tempted to make a snide comment, then you can think about what you say before you say it.

Also, have you tried third party mediation to work through some of your negative thoughts? It can be really helpful to air your grievances with a completely objective third party so your comments are validated and contextualised rather than being taken personally.

Good luck with everything though, sounds like you are both wanting to get through this tough time.