Brides Speech **Controversial Thread**?

I think most brides would do a speech in addition to the groom, not instead of, I don't really see that as stealing his limelight at all, I often think it's strange how all day, the bride gets the attention and then just has to sit there dumb while 'the men' do all the important talking.

Its not the case of sitting there playing dumb, its allowing your husband, who hasnt really done anything all day other than turn up and put a ring on your finger to have his 5 minutes of being "looked at" or having some "attention".. the speech should be his to do, not then for the bride to have a turn and have all eyes back on her, again...

Ive just replied to that kbs and i argee with you i think its the only thing the groomsmen have to do and i think its wrong to want to control it ( and thats what i feel it is) - i feel that its like the bride saying-i dont trust what you are going to say, or that you are going to forget someone so i am going to write one too.

just my opinion.

but i am going to enjoy listening to the speeches, taking it in and sit there. not do my own! if you want to say something- then maybe write your own vows

I think it all steams from that old fashioned thinking where men wore the trousers in the household abnd they were in charge and their role was to do all the talking for the women and womens role was to fade into the back ground and smile. I fully intend on giving a speech at my wedding as a modern 21st woman i just dont feel happy about Having someone speak for me when i voice of my own. Why shouldnt a bride stand up on her wedding day and tell all her friends and family how happy she is. It has nothing at to do with stealing another persons thunder.

Ive always thought the the groom's speach is him thanking everyone on behalf of himself and his new wife. i have no problem with this, (although i am a traditional girl!) plus i think 3 speaches is plenty.

we are having a dinner the night b4 for the bridal party and I may say a little thanky you to them then.

I'm actually inclined to agree. I'd probably consider myself to be the dominant partner in my relationship (and certainly the one in charge as far as wedding planning is going!) but I hadn't even considered making a speech myself; I just don't see the need. My contribution is helping H2B write the "thank you" part of his speech to make sure he doesn't leave anyone out and then the rest is up to him.

In my opinion, I dont think it has anything to do with him "wearing the trousers" etc...

What my "gripe" (if you like) is, that the bride is basically reiterating what the groom has just said in his speech, so basically showing the guests that he cant speak for himself and the bride is having to repeat everything he has said in the first instance...? Again, this is only my opinion and not any slur or offence to any brides (just thought I would add that before I am tarred and feathered) lol...

I agree with kbs and mrs bass and rachel. 3 speeches is plently, 4 speeches is far too many espically when you are just repeating what has already been said. it has never entered in my mind that i want to do one. and i agree its saying to your hubby that you dont trust him to get it right so here are the bits i thought you would have missed (although prob havent and you are just repeating it!)

Lol see now i'm a traditional girly and i personally won't be giving a speech however if i was at a wedding a a ride did give a speech i wouldn't think anything about it .

Maybe its the personal touch, Groom says what he wants to, but i think depending on the situation the bride may want to say something eg

As i said i wouldn't personally give a speech i'm not confident enough at all but if i was a speech is something i'd consider, not to steel anyone's thunder or to drag it out, but to tell people like my mum, just how proud of her i am and lots of other person reasons, yes i could do this in private but i'm proud of her, and i'd want everyone to know about it so to speak, and i'd want to mention my Uncle, who's been there for me more than anyone else i know including my dad, he's looked after me when i've needed it and when times were really bad he was there and he is only my uncle through marriage but i love & think so much of him i'd want to tell him again publicly in a speech, little details like mean so much more coming from me rather than the groom, IYSWIM

But i just couldn't stand up and speak about it, so they will be getting a little letter from me, for them to open on the morning of the wedding lol.

Each to their own i say xx

I can see what your saying, but my OHs idea of actual hell is doing a speech, as it my Fathers, not sure on the Best Mans intentions as he is in Afghan until 3 months before the wedding - basically if I don't do one, no one will!

Surely it depends on what you say though, I wouldn't want to stand up and just thank everyone for coming when OH had already done it, but it'd be nice to be able to thank him for marrying me, and to thank his family for welcoming me.

I haven't decided if I'm going to make a speech yet, if I can think of the right thing to say then I will, but it'll only be very short and probably only if I can come up with some kind of amazing surprise gift for him or something like that lol. I like the idea of him getting some praise from me on our day, and the chance for me to express my thanks to him for his help with the planning etc.

But everyone's different. I don't get nervous at all when doing public speaking, especially in front of people I know and love so if I can sort out the right words then I'd love to be able to do it. We're having a meal with our parents and the bridal party a few nights before so I might have my say then and leave the wedding day as it's 'supposed' to be, I can get drunk then and not worry about it ?

I'm making a speech. My H2B is dreading it and doesn't want to make a speach so he has no problem with me making one.

I want to thank his family for welcoming me and my children into their family which I feel should be something that I say rather than my H2B saying it for me. I also want to thank my MOH and BM myself as they have assisted me and not my H2B.

Lastly, my children are preparing a little something for my H2B - basically saying how pleased they are to have him as a stepdad etc. Neither of them want to read it out and I don't think my dad or the best man are the right people to read it out, so I have offered to.

I'd did a very short speech at mine, which like my husbands and dads was unscripped and spur of the moment. I picked up the thank-yous he missed. I don't think anything was 'repeated'.

For what its worth, i think to assume the groom has little other impact / involvement on the day rather insults a wedding - it is afterall about 2 people.

I'm even doing my speech last because as my H2B said, I love to have the last word....

Sorry, but as an OM, I cant think of anything on the day that I did that my Groom didnt.

We both got dressed up, we both turned up, with both tooks vows and posed for photos, we both got congratulated, we both cut a cake, we both did a dance together...

In fact the only difference was I walked down an aisle and he did a speech. If you think of your groom as 'just turning up' then I think that a bad perception to have.

Rant Over ?

I absolutely agree that it is about 2 people, however, as we all know, mostly, the eyes are on the bride rather than the groom, I maybe should have made myself clearer in my post, that my "main" gripe is that the groom makes his speech and then the bride stands up and repeats everything he has just said... rather than the bride making a short speech but if it goes on and on after a while and I am only speaking for myself here, I, as a guest, would get bored of hearing speeches... FOB, BM, Groom and then the Bride?

In my opinion thats a tad OTT.. but thats me, not all people have the same views and opinions and thats fine, I appreciate everyone has a different view..

I will speak and furthermore, I will go first! Although we are not doing speeches as such (we have impressed on Dad and Best Man that toasts/very short expressions of happiness/thanks are more than adequate.

It's only one extra speech and when people have heard that I was doing a speech most of them said 'good' and that they were looking forward to it.

I think my comment of the groom "just turning up" has been taken a bit to literally, maybe I should have made myself clear, what I meant was that mostly all eyes are on the bride and my opinion was that this was the grooms turn to do something on his "own"... I absolutely agree that he is in the spotlight when cutting the cake, first dance etc, that I do not disagree with at all, however, the bride does have moments during the day when she has the spotlight on her and her alone, so my question, if you like, was why cant he have some of that spotlight on his own too..

As you will see from my previous post, again maybe I should make myself clearer (sp) but my "gripe" was really with why would the bride need to repeat his speech, however if she were making a short speech to him then fair play but I do think (and only in my opinion) that 4 speeches would be far too much..

I'm not a fan of Bride's speeches generally. I have witnessed three. Each and everyone of them has made reference to the 'getting the last word' joke, the response to which was polite laughter and eye rolling from some sections of the 'audience'.

I like the traditional speeches that are in place. I like the fact it's clear cut as to who thanks who and that there is very little repetition this way. I understand times are changing and many people are moving away from the traditional family structure, meaning there may be absent/difficult relationships with fathers. I can also understand a bride speaking in lieu of a speech from her husband.

I regularly have to speak publicly and am certainly the louder of us in our relationship, so it's not a case of being phased by it. Any speech I want to make, I will do in the run up to the wedding. Probably at the dinner after our church rehearsal. I will ensure all those who I want to thank are made aware of just how special they are to me and I shall leave my husband to thank them publicly, on behalf of us both. I want to give him the chance to shine on our wedding day and I know he feels it's a very important part of his job as a groom and as my husband to send the right message on our behalf.

Just my take on the matter but appreciate people's views differ. That and I'd kick their arses with my jokes so it's probably for the best I keep quiet.

My h2b is doing most of the planning (though I am feeding him a lot of ideas), but I leaving the organisation of it to him.

I want to do a speech before him but after my Dad, so that I can thank certain people (we are having a lot of help from family and friends) and so I can thank him for organising the wedding, being a great partner for 10 years and for asking me to marry him and making me very happy indeed.

Far from taking his limelight, I will be shining more on him.

At weddings the speeches seem to be all about the bride, I want to do a nice one about the groom.

We are both getting married, so why can't we both make speeches?

Oh, and it won't be long (hopefully none of them will be!)

Well said Laura! I plan on doing a speech at our wedding but it will mainly be thankyou's and giving out gifts whereas h2b's is going to be about how gorgeous I look! ? x

I think this varies wedding by wedding.

My H2b will be having lots going on for him - he's been hired a Ferrari, so all eyes will be on him during arrival, he will have pics with the car and the family. Then before I get to church all eyes will be on how nervous he is, how good he looks etc. I'm also a bit different in that my OH is in Military uniform which 80% of the congregation will never have seen before and me and his family have also never seen him in before so believe me all eyes will be on him as much as me. He also has a "sword" cutting of the cake thing (which is all about him and his manly-ness lol).

So... Yes he will get his moments too. It's just he genuinely doesn't want to do a speech and like CB I speak regularly in public and he would be much more comfortable with me making it.

All that said - in an idea world I wouldn't make a speech and would have him do it - just becasue it's tradition and I like that.

I am doing a speech at our wedding becasue my H2B refuses to do one - he is too nervous and we don't want his day ruined by him worrying about it (And it would be - he's already afraid of being sick just through having to stand up in front of everyone in church). But someone has to stand up and thank everyone for coming and as the hosts of the day it is up to one of us to do so - so it falls to me.

Our other speeches will also be "non traditional" in that my father is dead and I didn't want someone to "replace" him, so H2Bs brother and my son will say a few words.

Of course we will do our own thing, but am concerned at the number of people here who just want traditional only and no bride's speech.

Hope there is no "eye rolling" from our guests! I shan't say a thing about "having the last word"...promise!

Why concerned about it? Although there are differing opinions as to whether brides making speeches are a good thing or not, it seems everyone is happy with their choice to speak or not.

Well im up for doing a speech, but thats not surprising as there isnt a groom. I think if you are happy to do so and you dont bore everyone ? by repeating what t'others have said I think its all gravy.

The W2B isnt too keen on standing up and speaking, however, if she felt nearer the time she wanted to then we would share it as there would the danger that we would start thanking everyone again. I think that times have changed as far as the traditional stance on weddings take but if you are uncomfortable with it then you dont need to partake in it.

I'm giving a speech on our wedding day. We are getting married on my dads birthday and are having a cake made for him (as a surprise) to come out with the evening buffet. My speech is less than a minute, purely focussed on dad and will introduce his cake, hopefully a round of Happy Birthday and the buffet.

Sometimes I think I would like to say a few words about my parents - I am very close to them & adore them. They have helped me throughout school, a levels, university, job hunting, house buying and now my wedding. They are just so supportive.

So my speech wouldnt be echoing OH's - it would be purely a thanks to my parents.

Disclaimer: ** if i do decide to make a speech**

I won't be making a speech, but that's because I'm not good at speaking in public, not because I don't agree with it. In addition, OH's dad will be making a speech. Whilst my dad will do the traditional Father of the Bride speech, he's a bit shy, bless him, whereas OH's dad is a fantastic speaker. OH's best man is a little bit on the shy side too and, as OH couldn't choose between two best men, he's made the other (louder) one a sort of Master of Ceremonies. No doubt he'll want to say a few words, which already takes us up to 5 speeches. I've attended a wedding where the speeches went on for almost an hour and a half and, by the end (the poor best man's speech) nobody was listening at all.

I am not making one because a) I don't feel like it is my place to do so and b) I hate speaking in public.

OH hates brides speeches (not that it would stop me if I wanted to do one, he is not the boss of me...) but interesting from the Grrom's point of view that he feels it wouldn't be appropriate... FOB, Groom and Best Man only.

I am not against going against tradition and those of you that want to do it then go ahead... but I also am bored of the "last word" jokes...

yep agree- last word joke is very stupid!