Brides to be can I ask your feelings on this??

I wouldn't have thought a couple of months pregnant was a big problem - unless you were really suffering with morning sickness and all sorts of other things.

Six months or more, I wouldn't have wanted a pregnant bridesmaid at our wedding.

You say that you wouldn't have wanted to be "massively pregnant" at your own wedding... presumably the same applies at someone else's?

IMHO I cant see the issue with having a pregnant BM, I would be happy for them! I would also feel honoured that you had thought to ask me, as it is very thoughtful. However, the feeling I get on here is not everyone thinks the same as me lol!

Personally I wouldn't mind if one of my girls told me she was trying for a baby or pregnant.

I think you need to consider that you may not want to be BM anymore, you may feel unwell or tired and it may be too much pressure for you. You need to make sure that you're looking after yourself this time around.

I would suggest speaking to her about it and see what she says, my BM told me she was trying.

It's a tough one. My sister told me a month after we bought her dress thats she's pregnant, due in january. Our wedding isnt til june but she knows if her dress doesnt fit her she will have to buy a new one!! If she had told me they were trying i would have left the dresses til after she has the baby but she didnt mention it.

Firstly sorry for your loss love, I understand how you must have felt.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest having a pregnant BM, heavily or otherwise. But then were I having BMs (we've down scaled massively and just feel there's no need) I don't have many expectations of them like some do (not that I think it's wrong btw)

But second the comment about whether you'll feel up to it or not!

I am so sorry you had a m/c. It is VERY considerate of you to put your friends wedding first. If I were the bride, I wouldn't mind as long as you felt ok (given you may be tired etc), as in my opinion, babies are more important than the wedding (I realise not all hitchers will agree). I'm sure your friend will understand and be pleased for you.

I think, bearing in mind your unfortunate m/c, if you want a baby, you need to focus all your attention on yourself. Looking after yourself etc. If you're chief bridesmaid, would your mind be on the wedding instead?

If *you* think you can do both, then go ahead. But I would suggest maybe relieving some of the "chief" bridesmaid duties. You don't want to be running around after the bride when you've got a baby growing inside you!

Thanks ladies for your honest answers.

Bionicgrasshopper (love the name by the way!) I'm not asking permission, just don't want to tell her I'm pregnant nearer the time and feel like she has to change her plans - forewarned is forearmed!

Pixee999 I know what you mean about being tired and unwell, but I wouldn't want to miss my friends wedding.

Vampyrbuffy and Tinnut we haven't bought dresses yet so I'm giving her plenty of time.

Thanks for all your honest and very quick responses.

Yikes.

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It will happen!

Personally, I wouldn't care if one of my BMs had been six weeks or ready to drop. As long as they felt happy being there, I would be happy. Like someone above though, there would naturally be some concessions about "duties" but I didn't view that as the primary reason to have BMs, more to have my girls around me looking pretty So, on the plus side, you might get out of those last minute dashes to the dress shop to collect forgotten veils

And also as above, I would find it a very uncomfortable conversation to have with one of my BMs. In fact, it would upset me to think that someone was holding off on their family plans for my wedding. You might drop it into conversation (if it naturally arises) but I think it entirely unecessary to "ask permission" nor start with the premise that it might be "the end of the world".

Good luck!

My sister was 6 months pregnant at my wedding (she was my CBM) and she looked amazing! Plus its a story to tell my nephew when he's older that he was at my wedding in his mummy's tummy!

She was worried when she told me she was pregnant (unplanned) that I wouldnt want her as a BM at all. I couldnt understand her logic - I didnt ask her to be my BM to look pretty on my day - I asked her to be my BM as I love her to bits and needed her support throughout the planning process. Whether or not she was pregnant made no difference to me!

I think informing her that you are planning on trying for a baby is very thoughtful of you but I wouldnt put it off for the sake of her wedding - if she's a good enough friend she'll be happy for you.

HTH

xxxx

Firstly sorry for your loss, and I actually think its great that you want to start trying again.

As footlong said aslong as you are happy then I would be happy, if it were my bridesmaid and she told me this I would be chuffed more than anything and would support her all the way, thats what mates are for. In fact I was in the same boat we are trying for a family and if I had fell this month it would have meant I would have bben due around my best friends wedding we spoke about this and she laughed, imagining my waters breaking walking down the aisle, and she couldnt have cared less.

You will get some more opinions on this thread that is active at the moments too

https://www.hitched.co.uk/chat/forums/t/265697.aspx?PageIndex=1

I'm sure your friend will be more that happy for you to be carrying your child down the isle with her x

Sorry about your loss.

When I asked my oldest friend to be a bridesmaid I knew she was trying to get pregnant. It wouldn't have bothered me how pregnant she was for our wedding, as long as she was happy. I would hate to think of anyone putting their lives on hold for our wedding.

As it goes she's due 3 months before, so she'll be as involved as she wants to be nearer the time.

MY BM told me she would be trying. She, like you, had miscarried her first and then gone through a trauma of finding out it was a molar pregnancy (really rare and needed chemo to treat it). When she told me I will be honest I cried. I was happy for her because I knew better than anyone how hard the mc and chemo had been for her and how keen she was to be a mummy. I was sad because I knew she wouldn't be able to be involved in the planning in the same way I had always imagined her to be. She lives in Plymouth and I'm in London so I knew that her coming up when heavily pregnant would be more of a mission (it was), that as they didn't have much money I would feel awful asking her to contribute towards things when they needed to be saving for a baby (I did - I kept costs down for all my BM's as much as possible but I'm not made of money so couldn't pay for everything as much as I would have liked to) and that there was a possibility she wouldn't even be able to make the wedding (she did but only by not telling me her blood pressure was high and the doctors were worried about the risk of pre-eclampsia - naughty girl and there was me wondering why she spent the whole of the morning of my wedding sat on the bed with my other BM's waiting on her hand and foot (they knew)).

I think your friend will be ok about this as she will understand the pain you have been through. What really helped me was my BM telling me to order a dress a size bigger and if she wasn't lucky enough to fall pregnant as quickly as she hoped (which is not a given for anyone) then she would arrange for any alterations to be made (meant it wasn't my problem to worry about) and also reassure her that you will do as much as you possibly can to be involved. I would also suggest reassuring her that if you feel it is all too much you will let her know as soon as you feel that way - my BM didn't do this and it meant I was worrying she was doing too much and sticking her head in the sand about what might be coming. If you are good friends you should be able to talk about all of this whilst also reassuring her you really really want to be there in whatever way you can be (I had a back up plan of a reading in the event the dress didn't fit and my BM knew this).

Happy trying!

My CBM actually discussed this with me. Last year she took me aside and told me that her and her hubby were thinking of starting to try for a family and she might come off The Pill in Feb-March next year. My wedding's in May. She asked if I minded. I told her not to be silly and that they shouldn't plan their lives around our wedding!

She's since changed her mind and wants to enjoy the hen night/wedding with some bubbly, but I would have adapted the style of dress to suit her. I said that we could even put her in a different style to the others if she wanted

HTH

Thanks to everyone who has posted, it has been very reassuring to know to know what you all think.

I think I'll mention it but not in the "we need to have a talk" kinda way. I think my big worry was that she was my BM and was fantastic and I want to be able to do the same back and I feel if I am planning on getting pregnant then I won't be able to do the same or she won't feel she can ask.

I have to say I'm really impressed at the speed of the responses.

Happy planning ladies and if I can help then please PM me.

Yikes - Happily married since Sept 2011.

I wouldn't want anyone to put their life on hold just because I was getting married. It is really considerate of you to ask your friend if she minds if you are pregnant at her wedding. She should be just as flattered that you are checking with her, as you were when she asked you to be Chief Bridesmaid. I wouldn't worry about it, if you are best friends she will have known what you have gone through and should be glad for your future plans.

I wouldnt mind, in fact one of my bridesmaids is trying i knew she would be before i asked her and it didnt bother me. I will be getting a new neice or nephew so im happy for them!

All i would say is try and tell her as soon as you can because of costs, you dont want her buying gifts, dresses, shoes and then you being able to do it. Thats the only thing that would bother me and i dont think other people barring the bride and groom realise the expense and the amount you end up spending on each bridesmaids.

I bet she would firstly be pleased u asked and secondly after knowing what you have been through completely understand and be happy for you at the end of the day its one day out of the whole nearly 10 months and if you feel like you would be able to do it then talk to her and go ahead with your plans i wouldnt put off having a baby for any reason if that were my dream and that may make me a little selfish but i'm a maternal person i tried very hard for my 2nd baby it took me 9 yrs 4 trying to convince myself i was happy with just one and another 4 yrs ish of trying when i realised i wasnt happy and now she is here i am over the moon and completely in love with her she is 7 months now ! you know your friend and know deep down what you expect she would say i wouldn't worry about it unless your concerned about going on hen do's etc as being only a few months you may feel very tired and sick as others had said good luck trying x

WSS

x

In all honesty, if one of my bridesmaids told me they were pregnant I would be absolutely over the moon, especially based on your situation. My only reservation would be for their own health and making sure it wasn't going to get too much for them etc - I would want my bridesmaid to put her health before anything.

I would think it was amazingly considerate for you to approach me as a bride and tell me that you're thinking of planning a baby and is it ok by me - it's not my decision and I think a bride would be harsh if she turned around and said no it's not ok.

I can see things such as the bridesmaid dresses being an issue and depending on the circumstances (e.g. if you knew you were getting dresses made & fitted) then the bridesmaid should pay for a new one ... if it was an accident it's a tough one as obviously not the bridesmaid's fault but the bride probably wouldn't have any budget leftover so again I would say the bridesmaid should pay for a new dress.

IMO being pregnant really does not ruin someone's wedding.. unless the bride is Bridezilla!

I was 8 and a half months pregnant at my H2B best mates wedding and i was a bm they had some fab pics of me and my bump and i party like everyone else no alchol. my chief bm has been trying to get pregnant : ( no luck fingers crossed but i would be over the moon if she came and told me she was pregant because thats her dream and she is my best friend and my chief bm and i love her. she is also my sons godmother.

dont worry about it hun and just speak to her good luck hugs and kisses

xxxx

Id be fine with it , im sure if shes your friend shell understand. I dont expect my bridesmaids to put their life on hold for my wedding

Yeah , so sorry about that, hope you could over it.