Bridesmaid and flower girl nightmare BT

Just a little bit overreacting I think! As much as you say the pregnancy is planned, there is no way to tell when you might fall pregnant. Your friend may have started trying thinking it would take longer than it did.

I understand that you are upset about not having a bm but I think you need to relax a little and be happy for her.

Also, could you put *BT ref* in your title please x

What's BT ref??

Wait, so your friend was considerate enough to plan trying for a baby, which will probably be the most important and life-changing thing she ever does, around your wedding and you're still mad at her cos it didn't work out perfectly? Yes, you're being selfish. Go put your big girl pants on, be happy for your friend and start re-thinking your wedding plans to fit with this change. If you really can't find anyone else, remember you don't *need* bridesmaids at all - I'm not having any.

It means the post has talk of babies in it. There are woman who use this forum who may be having problems in that department and would find it upsetting to read a post like this. Putting BT ref in the title allows them to skip over it if they don't want to read it.

*BT ref* means that there is a reference to pregnancy and babies in your thread. We have some members who are struggling to conceive who may find these references upsetting. This allows them to pass the thread by without reading it.

Ah, got it! xx

Ah, got it, whoops! xx

BT ref added

maybe this is why I'm so upset after trying for two years myself

Aww now that makes more sense! Huge hugs xxx but don't let it ruin your friendship x

Yep, that does make more sense. I was super sensitive about anything relating to pregnancy and babies for AGES after I had a miscarriage. But Bekki is right - don't let it sour your feelings for your friend. If you need to keep your distance for a little bit while you reconcile yourself to the situation, do it.

I would have thought that would make you more understanding about it, not less.

As someone who is in a VERY similar position to your friend...

We have been trying for kids for a year and half now and have had numerous losses. I'm bridesmaid in March and actually did hold off trying this month as I would have been due bang on her wedding date but even that took a lot of talking about with my husband.

I would be devastated if my friend reacted like you when I (hopefully) tell her my good news at some point.

I don't normally comment on this kind of thing but I couldn't not.

ETA: Also, one of my BMs couldn't make it back from Australia for my wedding in the end. She had sound reasons and I completely understood them. She sent a lovely message for my husband to read out during the wedding breakfast.

I think you are overreacting, but perhaps that's because you've been trying yourself.

Try to be happy for your friend. It's good news and whilst painful for you she must be excited and needs your support.

You don't need a BM, but if you're desperate to have one and your OH has a sister you could consider asking her. She'll be your relative after all so it might be a nice opportunity to get to know her.

She has a child no issues conceiving at all in fact conceived her the first month of deciding to try. Fell pregnant after trying for two months so no I don't bloody understand !!!! She has no issues conceiving it is not the same as you at all. If she was for example in my shoes of being childless and trying for two years with not even a pregnancy in that time then yes I would be more than delighted for her. I am happy for her don't get me wrong but don't go on as if I'm some kinda a monster!

How incredibly selfish of her, not putting her life on hold to have the honour of being in your bridal party.

seriously, get a grip, and just be happy for your friend.

Sorry but I agree with this

x

Are you serious? Nobody told you you are a monster.

More importantly - It doesn't matter if it's difficult or easy for her to conceive.

She is not obliged to ask your permission or delay anything in her life. Your wedding is important to you, but it is not that important in her life. You need to put things into perspective.

This is clearly upsetting for you as you have been trying for a while, but that does not mean you should not be happy for her.

Don't act like a spoilt brat.

Wow, what a charming attitude you have.

We tried for a long time with a loss too, but I would not be so snarky about my friend getting pregnant, first month or not!

I know it’s very upsetting and it’s easy to become bitter when you are trying for a baby, but please try to have some perspective! Your friend is pregnant, you should be happy for her and that’s it, no underlying bad feeling because she has dared to potentially disrupt your wedding plans.

Just because she conceived no1 with no problems, it didn't mean she'd necessarily conceive any future babies with the same ease. There are countless stories out there of people who had no problem getting pregnant with no1 but then either couldn't get pregnant again, or took a really long time doing so.

Whilst I do understand that you're perhaps a little disappointed that she may not be able to make it to the wedding, you are completely overreacting and being a spoilt diva.

Just because she had no trouble conceiving her first child does not been she won't have trouble with a second. Why should she wait this is her life we're talking about, why put it on hold for one day that really isn't that important. Your friend getting pregnany is NOT a nightmare, get some perspective!

Bridezilla Award 2014? ?

Hey Wee Queenie, I know some of the posts on here might be a bit hard to read, and the talk of anything baby related seems to evoke a lot of strong opinions from everyone.

As someone who has not had children (nor am I trying etc), I can emaphise with your frustration that your friend didn't just delay her trying for a couple of months, it probably feels like a bit of a personal insult right now, and a slap in the face because you have been trying too. But in all honesty, she will never have meant it that way. She's just living her life, and while your wedding is the centre of your world, having another baby was the centre of her world.

I have friends who have conceived easily, and I have friends who have struggled desperately with it. And the consistent thing I have found with them all is that no matter what happened first time around, they still have the terrible anxiety that next time will be super hard to conceive. So while she did fall quickly, she probably didn't really anticipate it being that quick, and was just fuelled by the desire to start trying. I have experienced friends in similar situations where they are expecting their babies around the time of weddings, and unsure if they can attend, and friends who have been pregnant bridesmaids and had to have dresses adjusted and changed. And each time, they felt bad about it, but it was never intended as a slight against the bride and groom, I promise.

It would be such a shame to fall out over this. If she's not at your wedding, then really that is her loss, and it is her call to make. While you will be sad not to have her there you will still have a wonderful day. It really is her that will miss out on it all. But you have been friends for a long time, and that would be a sad thing to lose. In a few months when the dust has settled you won't be feeling so cross and upset.

Can I just suggest that for the moment, you make no decisions that affect anything. Don't get a new bridesmaid - you dont have to have bridesmaids at all. It's not against the law to walk the aisle free from bridesmaids! (In fact a lot of brides on here would think that to be a wonderful thing right now with some of the troubles they have had with theirs). When you are feeling a little calmer then think about ideas. Jot them down onto paper. Take your time to think about what to do. And come on here and ask for advice if you want to. Everyone shares ideas and everyone is always happy to pitch in. With so many members you get a great array of ideas, andopinions on any topic.

So for the moment, take yourself off and allow yourself a good cry, because I get the feeling there's alot in your head right now. But make no decisions, don't say or do anything you can't take back or might regret. Just have a little self indulgence (read: chocolate) and then come back again with fresh eyes. x

Wow. Do you realise how selfish you sound? The world does not revolve around your wedding. Sounds like you need to take a step back from wedding planning and reasses what's important in life.

My cabbage, FWIW - My friends have been off of the pill and trying for their 2nd for over a year, and they've just fallen. Their 1st came almost as soon as she took the last pill...

Every baby and every woman is different.

My sister has 3 children, and her and her hubby came off of the pill about month before her wedding because of my sister's fertility issues, thinking that they wouldn't fall straight away and she was 6weeks pregnant on her wedding day.

OP - I think that your friend has been more than considerate already by delaying a little.

Me too. If you can't be happy for your friend then that's your problem. She can't put her life on hold for you

'Dont make me out to be a monster'

don't act like one then. Troll off and bother someone else's forum.

You asked people if you are being selfish or overreacting, you are. And people are telling you you are, so I'd take the advice you asked for. Step back a bit and think about what you are saying. You are genuinely suggesting someone should put back a huge life decision to attend your wedding. Maybe that is because you're sensitive to the issue, but you can't expect others to put their life on hold for you, for any reason.

Someone I know ended up very heavily pregnant at her best friends wedding. She was still bridesmaid but it caused so much friction between the two of them that they have not spoken to each other again since the wedding day (over 3 years ago). Is that what you want? Do you want to lose your best friend? Or do you want to be ahappy for her, happy for yourself and have a fantastic wedding day (with or without a BM?

?You're gonna lose that girl....?

Your choice of language concerns me. Disappointed- maybe, but to say you are "raging" is a very strong reaction which makes me wonder how you reacted to her when she told you?

I understand you are feeling emotional but the way you respond to this situation could make or break your friendship and what ever you say in haste now might come back to bite you. Please take some time to chill your beans a little and then react how you know you should-by congratulating this mum-to-be on her wonderful news and by being genuinely happy for her. You need to allow yourself time to get some perspective.

Perhaps you could consider changing the date of your wedding to accommodate the fact a member of your important bridal party are expecting? After all, she did try to accommodate you.

I would like to say I'm am the most laid bk person ever about my wedding I am the lest bridzilla girl I've ever known. My point is why would you decide to try for a baby at the point in the year that will preclude u from keeping ur commitment to be part of someone's wedding. I would not have cared if she was pregnant it's the point that they begin to try to get pregnant now! Why not wait 2-3 months to be safe.

O also want to point out that my wording may have been harsh at times but I am deeply upset about this. I have congratulated my friend and told her not to be stressing that I can ask someone else to step in. I have in no way indicated to her that I feel let down or upset that she has chose to conceive at this point. They literally have only tried to get pregnant this past 2 months knowing if successful would not be able to attend.

Maybe they have reasons as to why they tried now? I would imagine that when trying for a baby you don't check your friends social callender to make sure it's ok.

Your wedding day will not be their main priority ...

i know I haven't comented on this post before but I find some of what you just said really annoying. Like others have said, maybe she didn't expect to fall pregnant so fast? I fell really fast with my first and took a lifetime with my 2nd!

And why should she plan her life around your wedding? It's YOUR wedding not hers! She has every right to fall pregnant and not be able to attend.

I know she's a close friend from what you say but as a friend maybe you should try and understand her situation a little more rather then moan that she dare do something you did not request of her.