bridesmaid determined to make things hard on me :(

Sorry to hear this is making life difficult, it's such a shame when you try to honour someone in this way and they act up :/

Is there a reason she's not going to want to tell you? Is she particularly 'big' and maybe hoping to lose weight? Surely it really is as simple as "If I don't know your size you can't have a dress, so you can't be a bridesmaid"? Not as a threat, it's a reality!

Is this a genuine post? If so, tell her you'll guess her size then she'll have to wear the dress you buy regardless of whether it fits.

This is petty, if you are as close as you say then you should be able to have that conversation - if you don't know the size you can't order the dress. Simple.

This is genuine post, ive even tried to compromise with her and show her the dress i wanted and pulled up all the sizes it was in and asked her if her was in that list if so i can send her the link and ill transfer the money to her and she can order her own size, so i wont even have to need her size, but she stil refused to tell me if it was in the list and shes not that big, if i had to guess id say 18 but she doesnt look "fat" if u get my meaning,

I had exactly the same issue with one of my Bridesmaids. In the end, I just had to ask her if she wanted to be my Bridesmaid or not (oh, and buy her two dresses because she was giving me 'optimistic' sizes). You're just going to have to confront her about it and stop guessing what her reaction will be. It might not be as bad as you fear.

I would sit down with her and just say without knowing a size it's hard to find a dress and is she having second thoughts about being bridesmaid? Reassure her you understand and won't take offence if that is the case and if not then you both need to come to some sort of arrangement for dress shopping

Im might have to, thank you for replies, if i can get her alone (rare) ill try n talk to her , she may have just accpeted the offer cos she felt she had to, but i have 3 of her kids as part of my wedding aswell, so hoping she doesnt get petty and say they cant be apart of it either, as ive already bought a couple bits for them

My view may be rather unconventional, but here goes!

As both your father and the neighbour are being so unreasonable at this point I think you should consider alternative arrangements. Have you always wanted to marry overseas on holiday?

Whatever you decide, you need to get tough from this point on. Or else you will be back here with more and more problems as the months go by.

With hindsight, it would have been better to just ask her kids to be BM's rather than her.

Seriously? your not marrying her. At 39 she is being childish. you need a serious conversation with her.

Yeah i wish now i had never asked but i assumed since its my day, i thought she would be more accomandating towards me about this,i cant go abrouad im petrified of flying and dont even have a passport any more, and if i didnt i wouldnt have any one with me on our day

i just cant seem to get her alone, i sent her a message to find out if shes busy she said shes out but i saw her in her garden 5 mins later, and yet she hasnt told me shes back, im being avoided and it feels terrible

She is only trying to control and manipulate you. So you can respond by taking back control (this will drive her mad though!)

Put a note through saying "So sorry we haven't been able to catch up yet. I need confirmation ASAP as to whether you would still like to be a bridesmaid or do you just want the girls to be bridesmaids? If you still want to be one please send me your dress size by Wednesday morning. If not, then it's OK!"

I doubt that would work as were neighbours, and we literilly have direct access to eachothers gardens, she would get very funny bout me not doing it face to face, im tryin to be firm but fair so i dont make more problems, its the last thing i need, i lost my mum 6 months ago, and she keeps saying bout how she wished her mum could make it to my wedding, but no one has mentioned my own mum! im starting to lose it with her now! i think she wants to steal my day for herself

If you can see her and get to her in her garden, why didn't/haven't you just popped over to talk?

If only was that easy, shes got her dad round and her 18 month old son out there, it would be rude to drag her away from that and wouldnt be able to have a serious conversation to sort this out with her lookin after her son aswell

This is utterly stupid. I can't actually believe you are serious ... You are not going to discuss a state secret ... so its not inappropriate to very calmly say "I need your dress size or you can't be a bridesmaid" ... If you are serious then you need to get some back bone ... I don't mean to be unsympathetic if this genuine but I can't for the life of me understand how this situation has got so bad ... She is being really weird!

I no. It's my fault. I'm used to letting people walk all over me and when I try and stand up and actually do something g all on my own people are now treating me like my opinion don't matter in my own wedding . She has always been so pushy but she's normally understanding. So i thought that she would let me have my say. But I seem to be a bit wrong. She borrowed £50 of me 3 months ago and I don't have the guys to remind her. :/ I'm just pathetic tbh

Do you genuinely want her to be bridesmaid, or did you just ask her for a quiet life? You don't actually sound like you like her that much! I agree that the note might be the way to go - saves you the stress of confronting her face to face and gets the message across.

I no it may sound that way but ido care about hher she has been amazing through alot of things she is just a me me me type and I'm reserved so when it comes to me makin decisions which doesn't happen often she think she's helping by takin over

If my friend was being this difficult I wouldn't bother having her as bridesmaid. It's weird she won't give you her dress size, I think you find out who your mates are really when it comes to weddings. Hopefully you will get this sorted x

This is not the attitude to have and you need to remember this is your day, not hers. If it makes it easier, write her a note. If it might set your mind at ease talk to your dad about this if you're partly worried about their relationship, but if she's going to be part of your wedding you need her co-operation! It really isn't even that confrontational to be asking if you can have the size of dress she needs so that you can buy it for her to wear. It should be an honour, not a chore and you're both being a little ridiculous...

She really isn't making it easy for you - but in all honesty if you aren't prepared to talk to her about it, make some decisions about if you want her as BM or put your foot down, this isn't going to get sorted out is it. All you will have is a miserable time planning the wedding and not getting what you want. Is she really that petty - or are you making a mountain out of a molehill as you are a bit nervous of pressing her for her dress size? it is fine if you are - esp if you are the timid type - but it does seem like more drama than necessary and wont get sorted without you doing something about it.

Hope you sort things out x