Bridesmaid dilemma ! Help

She is responsible for buying a new dress. Just inform her that she needs to buy her own as the one you bought is no good. I'm surprised that she hasn't already offered.

Personally, I think you're in the wrong for buying the dress 2 sizes too small! Why would you buy a girl a size 16 if she was a 20? I'm sure your poor bridesmaid felt very pressured to say she was going to lose weight- and it's always harder to lose weight for a goal that wasn't set by yourself!

I think you should really be returning the dress you got and buying one in the correct size for the BM.

I would be expecting her to be buying a new dress herself I think, if she assured you at the time of purchase that she was happy to take the risk. She would have known before this point that she was nowhere near her target as well so I guess it would have been helpful if she'd called it out a bit earlier than the day before the seamstress appointment...

Can you find something similar that would match or complement the other dresses, that isn't going to cost her too much money? Would you be happy if she was in something slightly different to the rest? It'd be a shame for her to drop out.

Can she not still lose it now?

through diet and twice weekly 2 hour gym sessions I lost 2 stone in a month and through diet modification (drinking zero drinks and choosing sugar free when available) and continued excercize ive kept it off for months... really their is absoloutly no excuse except not even bothering to try

if you asked her to become a size 8 then thats rediculous goal but just dropping 1 dress size over several months is not a hard target, if you where moaning that she lost a load of weight but didnt fully meet your target that would be rude but to of not lost anything is her fault not yours

people often get 'emotionally' involved when it includes sticking up for people who are being critised with the use of weight (even if their is legit reason) but look at it another way, if you had bought a dress and she agreed to be a bridesmaid and then just didnt bother to keep her end of the deal so didnt show up would anyone even begin to think you where in the wrong... same difference she didnt do as agreed and its cost you money

so honestly I would let her sit it out, you AGREED on something and you kept your end of the deal now your down money, have a useless dress and expected to lose more money and work your ass off to find a matching dress because she didnt even bother... that lackluster attitude annoys me, just dont agree to something if you dont plan on doing it or even trying

she maybe a good friend and she doesnt sound like a horrible person but you shouldnt be down more money for this, maybe you could invite her as a guest or even offer her a reading or something if shes very important to you, that way she is still involved in your day but you dont have to shell out more money and time on something that might not even be possible

most places wont allow returns on ex-display that where bought months ago... life isnt that easy, thats why it was talked through and agreed before hand - the BM is an adult and shouldnt of agree if she wasnt going to try

If no returns are the case, then do you really think that the BM had any choice in saying she would be losing weight? I could understand if perhaps the dress was an 18, because sizes differ, but to get a size 20 girl a size 16 dress seems daft to me.

If someone had done this to me, I would be so upset.

Well, she wasn't supposed to drop two sizes but one only (as the dress could have been altered). I agree, you shouldn't put more money or time into finding her another dress but let her do the running around and money forking at this point.

Did you buy the dress and then tell the BM that you had got it in a size 16 as that was all they had left?

Or did you tell the BM there was only 1 16 left and ask her opinion before you got it?

I think the answer to those 2 questions depends on how you should approach a resolution.

If the answer to the first question is yes, then I feel awful for your BM being pressured into losing weight. You should never buy a dress that you cant currently fit. It can always be altered smaller if weight is lost.

If the answer to the second question is yes, then I question whether your BM felt pressured to say go ahead with it. Weight loss is never an easy thing. some people find it much harder than others and dress motivation might not be enough.

Personally I would not be asking her to pay for another dress. You knew she was a size 20, you took the risk. Asking someone to drop 2 dress sizes is a big deal. I wouldn't be asking her to drop out either. I would try to source another dress that is similar/matches. Or get new dresses for all your BMs and sell off the ones you currently have to try and recoup losses.

I bought my BM dresses 2 years ago. Since then, one BM has been pregnant and understandably has put on some weight. It was a risk I took at the time, and I was aware I may have to change my dresses. Luckily the dresses I bought had an elastic back and can be altered to one size bigger for her.

I had something similar, I asked everyone's sizes, one BM told me to get her a 16 as she planned on losing weight and this would be like yours a good incentive. However, didn't work out like that. So I bought a larger size, easier to do as they were from Amazon, I know my BM wanted to but she also had a few others going on that stalled that. I think it depends on the style of the dress also. Is there enough give that will let the 16 be adjusted into a 20, or inserting a panel if there isn't enough material, before you do anything I would go to a tailor/seamstress and get their advice because if the dress is made in a particular way they may be able to stretch it by 2 sizes, I'm not confident that will work, but, you don't ask you don't get.

I agree that if you bought the dress in a size 16 and then told your BM about it then that is unfair. However, if she agreed for you to buy it in a size 16 and has made no effort, then she should pay.

Losing weight is difficult for some people however she should have told you about this before.

I have a larger bridesmaid and I will be buying her a dress in the size she currently is and then, if she does lose weight, (as she says she wants to) then it can be altered. X

the bridesmaid AGREED to lose weight, I didnt read it as a random ambushed and told 'this is your dress, fit into it' she had a convosation with the OP and during that agreed 'I want to lose weight this will be my goal'

she shouldn't of agreed and allowed OP to spend money if she had no intention of doing what she said she would... being embarrased is not a good reason to waste your friends time and money when she could of just said 'I wont be able to fit in that' to begin with... shes an adult and its no one else fault that she didnt lose weight like she said she was going to

if the OP bought the dresses and the bridesmaid hadnt agreed, then its her fault but the problem here is the bridesmaid didnt keep her end of an agree deal

I agree, from the way the OP has been worded it reads like this was the order of events.

If your BM said she would lose weight and told you to buy a 16 then she really should have made a concerted effort to get down a little bit. I agree that you should speak to a seamstress first to see if anything can be done, perhaps they can alter the design a bit to fit.

Otherwise could you compromise and split the cost of a new dress? I've got to admit I would be pretty pissed in your situation and I don't think she should expect you to fork out again

I think that it was a big risk and also a mistake to buy a dress that was far too small for your bridesmaid.

I think that the price of a dress is not worth falling out over.

You bought a size 16 dress for her knowing she was a size 20. You should have been prepared for her not losing the weight as a precaution. This is your problem.

I think it was rude to buy her a dress that was two sizes too small. Who cares if it was a great bargain. How cruel to say to someone "I know what size you are but I bought you a dress two sizes smaller so you will need to slim down to fit it".

This is my post and lot of you have got the wrong end of the story I got the dress in a size 16 knowing she was a size 18 thinking it could be adjusted if it couldn't ! I would take it back and pay full price for the same dress before they stopped making the dresses for her to say she would need a 20 in bridesmaid dress as they come up small but don't take the dress back because it's a incentive for me to loose weight I said long as your sure as they are stopping making these dresses end of Jan , towards end of Jan I asked how it was going she said it will fit fine ! And this week she has told me it wouldn't fit , I just wanted advise who should be paying for the dress as now I'm having to pay around £250 to get a dress made fast delivery as the wedding is in 10 weeks one and the worry and stress that the dress will now match the others and can not get a exact colour match which is every brides nightmare bridal team having odd one out , but anyway I decided after reading comments I would pay for the dress as I took the risk but I did give her the choice and said to let me know by January it's now nearly may . but as I was about to pay £250 for a dress by strike of luck I found a brand new one on eBay exactly same as o brought her orignally in her size for not much more than I paid for her orignal dress and have managed to sell the one I brought her for the same money so panic over ! Both parties very happy , Thankyou for everyone who gave kind advise All I wanted was advise not had a go at

SunnyYellowD, it sounds like you've dealt with this really well! Glad it's all sorted! And for what it's worth, from what your last post said, it sounds like your friend did mess you around a bit and I'd be frustrated if I had to pay £250 extra too!

Very pleased to hear that you managed to sell the old dress, and buy a new one for not much difference, and everyone is happy.