Bridesmaid fallings out....HELP

I think as youngsters it's fairly natural to state who will be whose mbridesmaids etc but as you say you change as you grow older and some friendships remain the same and some don't. I find it strange that knowing your friendship isn't the same as it used to be she had any expectation of being a bridesmaid. In view of that and the fact she has now basically dropped you from her life completely I definitely wouldn't invite her to the wedding. The last thing you need on the day is someone passive aggressive etc. She made her choice and sounds like she's not really much loss to you to be honest. It's a no from me ?

☝what Jayne E said!

I agree with Jayne. If she is going to drop you like that, thats pretty childish. I don't think I'd bother inviting her

I have had a similar issue to you. I was bridesmaid for my friend from school. We're not massively close but would keep in touch via text etc and arrange a night out every couple of months or so. I was flattered when she asked me to be her bridesmaid 4 years ago but she did have 8 bridesmaids! (Her four sisters, two girls she is in a band with, her cousin and me). She told me I'm her only friend really. Anyway, I wasn't much of a bridesmaid as her sister organised everything and it was a case of "here's your dress, see you on the day" kind of thing, despite my many offers of help.

Over the last couple of years I have felt that I have been putting all of the effort in to meeting up and she was always busy despite not working.

So, when I got engaged, I was in two minds about asking her. I didn't think she would be a great bridesmaid as she is always "busy". When I got engaged, I told her via text as we were in Venice and I got a congratulations but nothing else. She didn't ask how or where or anything. I think it took her three months to get back to me and ask me about the engagement. I therefore decided not to have her as a bridesmaid and asked my sister, my two closest friends who I see all of the time and my oldest friend who I have been friends with since we were 7. Since then, I haven't heard from her AT ALL for 7 months! There have been lots of passive aggressive things on Facebook about how wonderful her band member is and how she is her "best friend forever" etc etc which I think are all aimed at me. I have no idea why she would even think that I would ask her to be my bridesmaid when she makes absolutely no effort with me! So, I have decided that she is not coming to the wedding. If she had have asked me, I would have had a chat with her about it like grown ups. But as she has decided to stop speaking to me, I can't be bothered!

I wouldn't waste time or effort on anyone who acts like that. If she were your true friend, she would understand. I couldn't have all of my friends as bridesmaid otherwise I would have about 9 bridesmaids! If she continues then I wouldn't ask her X

I also agree with Jayne. I did ask a friend like that to be a BM and we had a spectacular fight and haven't spoken since, so I think it's good that your recognise now that she isn't the right person to support you in your big day.

As to whether to invite her to the wedding, I'd wait and see how things pan out and make a decision shortly before its time to send your invites out.

Ugh. I dropped these kind of friends at the end of sixth form. Don't look back!

Jayne has it spot on once again. I wouldn't bother trying to resuscitate this one.

I would thank your lucky stars that she has made the decision for you, by dropping YOU from HER life. Kick this one into touch and put it down to experience.

Good luck for your big day.

It goes without saying she is acting very childishly, it doesn't sound like you have done anything wrong here. Do you want her at the wedding? If so invite her but if you are worried about how she would behave and aren't too fussed about her being there I think just leave her to her own behaviour and write the friendship off

My friend had exactly the same when she got engaged - she'd been engaged previously & asked this girl to be her BM, then after the breakdown of that relationship she met her now-husband & this girl was very vocally anti her new partner. They had a few fallings out about it but when she got engaged this girl was enraged that she wasn't asked to be BM, even though a good few years had passed since she was planning the wedding to her ex. They didn't speak again & she didn't get an invite to the wedding.

I would say if someone can be so petty as to already cut you out of her life like she seems to have done, then you definitely made the right decision not to have her as BM & I wouldn't waste another penny on inviting her to the day. Her overriding emotion right now should be to be happy for you & it sounds like your feelings are very far from her mind at this point!

I'm going to give slightly different advice to the other posters in that I think you should take the higher ground and still invite her. The reason behind that is it's her being childish not you but then not inviting is tit for tat whereas still inviting is showing your the adult and still consider friendship. She can always refuse and then seem more childish!

This may seem weird but we had a friend throw a hissy fit regarding our invite policy (no plus ones unless we were friends with both) at the time it was quite upsetting but we told her she was still invited and we would still love for her to be there and it wasn't anything personal. We got a full apology and she explained it was more to do with her then anything and she attended the wedding and had fun.

The point I'm making is there maybe something else going on that your not aware of that she is dealing with and this is her way of lashing out. I could be completely wrong but you add more fuel to the fire by not inviting.

Thanks to everyone for the advice. And Scottish Sarah I totally get your point of view and appreciate it. I think in other circumstances I'd agree, but the fact that since I've thought of not inviting her I've felt a huge relief, I feel like I'd rather not have her there.

I I keep thinking about how awful it would be to have her there - she doesn't get on with my other friends or my family and I'm terrified of her ruining the day.

I I think I'm gonna leave it for a bit and then reassess the situation nearer the time for invites!

Thanks for all the advice. It's made me feel so much better. xx