Bridesmaid issue

Can't you send it to her if you're really worried?

I know she doesn't have to but has she told you why she can't come on the hen do? Seems strange that she's let you organise everything round her to then say she can't go.

As Holey said, send it to her in the post. Then she could get alterations done where she lives.

I had BM dress alterations done just under a week before my wedding (had a BM pregnant with twins so wanted it fitted as close to the day as poss so was as comfy as poss for her) and it was ok. We chose a really helpful lady who I suspect would have done over night if I had (begged) asked her.

I agree, send the dress to her for her to get the alterations done. Job done it's frustrating when people let you down but it happens I'm afraid. Usually for good reason, but you can't change it so work around it. X

If she knows you have gone to all of that trouble I agree she ought at least to tell you why she can't come? Is it maybe a financial issue (even with you paying flights) and she is embarrassed? I am sure there are seamstresses in Sweden so I agree, send her the dress. Good luck xx

I'm just concerned about sending it, I have the worst luck with the postal system generally. And I don't know if she knows someone who could alter it if need be.

Send it recorded/signed for, so it's insured.

She may not know anyone who can alter it YET, but give her a chance to google it and ask around and I'm sure she'll find someone.

Both problems solved.

Yes, it may be frustrating and upsetting she can't come, she's probably feeling just as bad. But if it really can't be helped then be proactive rather than finding problems to the solutions being suggested.

Yeah I'm in the same boat regarding bridesmaid dresses! My friend lives in Paris. I would just send it recorded delivery. That's what I did anyway. Leave her to sort any alterations out where she is if needed :-) No reason at all that she can't stillnbe included in your special day :-)

My closest BM is 300 miles away and the furthest lives in the Alps! The one in the Alps cant make my Hen do so I'm posting her dress, she is arriving 2 days before our wedding but is sorting alterations out where she lives if needed (the dress is made to her measurements so shouldn't). Your friend will be able to get it altered in Sweden the difference is it wouldn't be your alterations place.

I think you might just be stressing and it's a little bit of control being taken away - under any normal circumstance you wouldn't worry but weddings do strange things to us brides and the idea that you can't check something yourself can get the heart racing in bizarre ways! Deep breath and relax it will be fine

Perhaps you could sound her out on what would work best for her? Maybe if there is something going on with her personal life, being a BM might be too much for her and sorting alterations an unwanted task? Or she might still want to be a BM and it wouldn't be too much bother to find a seamstress? Perhaps if you don't like too much uncertainty so close to the big day, you could tell her it is a bit difficult for her to be a BM because she hasn't tried on the dress (do you also have to confirm numbers for hair and make-up?). I think you have done your best to accommodate her.

She hasn't given a reason why she may not be able to come, just a vague 'things may be too busy'. She's never usually like this so it's a little out of character. It makes me think that it's something else (perhaps money). I'm happy to support her financially, as she's very important to me, and has a bigger financial outlay; but I don't think she wants to take help from me, and I don't know how to show her that it's ok.

It also concerns me that she may do this for the wedding; she said she could come to the hen and now she may drop out. She may do this for the wedding too.

Suppliers are also an issue; she can't have a make-up/hair trial, and I would have to confirm numbers with them. Trials aren't such a big issue (the MOH could have one, and we could send pictures)

I definitely think that having an honest conversation would be best. Maybe she doesn't realise about these little problems? I had planned to have a little post-hen with just me and the BMs, so that they could get to know one another; and that's something that we can't really do if she's not there.

I'll probably ask her to Skype with me, so we can get it all out there. She may have another idea that she didn't share (i.e. she wants to come another weekend)?

If you are worried about the dress, post it. My BM is in Ireland and hates flying so she has it and will do the alterations herself.

i would worry about the last minute not able to come when everyone worked around her.