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jen-lou
Super July 2016

bridesmaid issues (sort of rant & sort of pointless post....sorry)

jen-lou, 25 February, 2014 at 14:32 Posted on Planning 0 2

I've noticed a lot of the last few days that a lot of people are having bridesmaid issues in various forms, and I apologise if I upset anyone with the post, that is not my intention, but I wanted to give my account of what happened to me.

My sister got engaged about 6 years ago now and asked me to be one of her bridesmaids, I was thrilled with her asking me and couldn't wait to do this with her and do all the things like going to try on dresses, help her get ready on the day and the like. She is my only sister and as all my female friends were already married this would be the only time I would be a bridesmaid so I was excited.

My sister had a high powered legal job in London (I still live in our home city Liverpool) so there was not much I could help with at first and couldn't really "chat" to her during the day if I had a slow spell to see how things were going, so I would wait for her to let me know the bits she needed me for.

A few months into the planning, I get a text message asking me if I minded not being a bridesmaid anymore as there wasn't the space in the chapel they picked (they hired a private chateuax in the south of france for a week that had a chapel on the grounds) and she didnt think I would be able to afford the trips to London for dress shopping and fitting. Apart from "no of course I don't mind, I understand" what could I say. I had no further invovlement in her wedding, I didn't even help her get ready on the day or anything like that, we didn't talk about it, to be honest I hardly heard from her for the rest of the planning other than when I was sent my invitation (despite my messages). I ended up just a guest at my sisters wedding.

I don't know if the reason why she un-asked me were genuine or just an excuse and she actually regretted asking me, I will never know, and I don't want to know, but I was deeply hurt (and still a little if i'm honest). If she had never have asked me in the first place, instead of taking it back, I would have been fine with that.

This experience has mafe me more determined that you shouldn't feel obliged to have anyone involved in your wedding, in any capacity, if you don't want them to or if you are unsure, whether they are family, you were involved in theres. I understand if the person you have picked turns out to be difficult, it can cause friction, but surely you would have seen these traits before you asked them to be involved?

I know this is just my side of the story so to speak, and she may of thought I was "not up to scratch" or "pulling my weight" "being a b&'ch", whatever, but I would rather she'd spoken to me and said this and we could have aired it all out.

Sorry, I know this is pointless, but the more I see these posts, the more I just want to get this off my chest as a dumped bridesmaid.

2 replies

Latest activity by jen-lou, 25 February, 2014 at 19:50
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    Beginner April 2014
    Annabel Lee ·
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    Thank you for sharing this story, it does give me a bit of a fresh perspective on some of the issues I've been having. And I'm very sorry to hear about the hurt and disappointment you felt at the time.

    I think what you've just taught me is there is definitely two sides to every story, and sometimes we brides get so wrapped up in thinking everything is all about us and our big day, we forget that we might occasionally be making bad and hurtful choices for other people.

    It is a shame your sister didn't consider your feelings a bit more. It's a lesson to us all that communication is key!

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  • jen-lou
    Super July 2016
    jen-lou ·
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    Thanks for the comments guys.

    My sister is not involved in my wedding. Not because of this. We fell out for other reasons in recent years, which I will not go into, but I don't need someone with so much negativity and who passes so many back handed and snide comments about me and my OH involved in our happy occasion. Sometimes the situation makes me sad, but i've come to terms with the fact I will never have a close relationship with my sister.

    I'm in exactly this position too, i'm so lucky I have great friends in my life. What's that they say, your friends are the family you pick yourself.

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