Bridesmaid nightmare

It's a shame to hear that your bridesmaid behaved in this way on your hen do, and I don't think you're being unreasonable for being a bit upset. However, if there's one thing I've noticed about wedding planning it's that you really do start to become super aware of the 'faults' of some of the people closest to you. I think it's a combination of over sensitivity, high expectation, and the fact that you end up maybe spending even more time with some of these friends than you normally do. What I'm saying is, of course it's obvious your friend behaved badly and you have a right to be very annoyed, but also try to remember why you picked her as a bridesmaid in the first place. Do her usual good qualities outweigh her bad behaviour? And if not, is it possible that you can just forget how she acted and trust that she'll turn up and do her job alright on the day?

one of my bridesmaids said a couple of things during my hen do that I found extremely hurtful and upsetting and for a moment I felt like telling her she needn't bother to come to the wedding. But instead I held my tongue until I had calmed down and thought about all the brilliant things she's also done for me and what loyal and dedicated friend she has actually been to me for several years. Her problem is that she's just a bit tactless and negative sometimes but doesn't realise she's being hurtful.

in a nutshell, as annoyed as you are, does it really mean you need to make a massive decision that will affect your wedding and your relationship with this girl? Is it possible to brush it aside despite what she did?

Both these comments have made me feel a) that I am glad I am not the only one with BM issues (sorry!) and b) that maybe time is all that is needed.

I am having a similar issue at the moment so it's a comfort to read this on both parts

I hope you can sort things whether its to get rid and save yourself the stress, or have it back to normal for the big day x

Thanks for your replies - I'm still super annoyed that my friend could only think about herself at the weekend but i'm going to give it a few days before I say something (if I do) so i've got a bit more time to reflect on it properly and decide if I am just emotional at the moment and it will pass or if I really need to get it all out there.

She was also rude to my other bridesmaid - she went to check on her when we were getting ready to go out on Saturday afternoon because after the inital strop off when I said I wanted to go out at 4.30 which apparently was far too early in her opinion. I couldn't face a confrontation of going myself but I really wanted them to get ready and come to my room for a few drinks before hand. She literally opened the door and shouted i'm nowhere near ready and slammed the door in my other bridesmaids face!!! Why can't people just get alongI just feel like I wanted something so simple - for my friends to get together and have a great time nad celebrate with me and she was the only one resisting the plans of the day!

Just thinking about her whole attitude to the weekend makes me angry - There were a couple of other girls who I don't know particularly well and they were more up for partying with me than one of my so called best friends :o(

She's made me angry just by reading this! This is completely unreasonable. Who does she think she is? I don't know her, but I'll take a guess that she's probably acting this way because the attention isn't on her. At least it's not just you who thinks this, you have proof that she's annoying everyone else too! Personally I wouldn't have the patience for something like that, I would tell her straight. If she gets angry then perhaps say you're not the only one who thinks so? Sometimes people need an eye opener!

Sorry to read you are having these problems also. It seems to be quite common.

A friend said to me could one of my bm be jealous of my plans. i said hardly as she is already married and had a far bigger more expensive wedding than me.

Sometimes when it comes down to it people sometimes show their true colours you are there for them and it isnt returned. well thats what i have found when planning my own wedding.

Im giving my bm until the start of the dress fittings to see how she behaves since she hasnt made any contact with me since jan!! baring in mind live within a mile of each other and she used to see me 4 times a week. Apparently nothing is wrong but im not having her behave like this towards me and be in photos which i have to treasure for the rest of my life. She has done nothing to help me and even backed out of loaning me items which she offered on the day!

Go with your gut instinct and ask your friend if everything is ok. Hope you get it sorted.

Bridesmaids be crazy eh?

I feel your frustration, it is poor poor poor for her to behave like that.

I've been having similar issues with all my hen party by them turning around and saying that planning my hen for me was not a big enough task and its all been left to crumble (I'm thinking of now just having a spa weekend with mum, dad and the sis).

What I've found is that weddings really bring out people's insecurities be they married or not. Your getting a chance to do things she can't ever do now and it may bug her, not to mention she seems very childish.

As much as she frustrates you I agree with others and give her some time, she may come round or better yet you may just rise above it with your graciousness. You are not her and you are probably right if you ask her not to come she may kick up an even bigger fuss. Time to get out the pros and cons, is it worth it?

lots of hugs xx

I agree with everything that's been said particularly the great advice about letting it rest a few days to see how you feel then. I would have to say something to her though - tactfully of course, as there might be something buggin her. One thing I've learned in seeing weddings unfold through the planning stage is there's usually two sides and perceptions have a really odd way of skewing the realities at times. And something really innocuous can be taken out of all context and proportion, not suggesting you have btw - but that your BM might have, and the repercussions are often then likewise disproportionate and out of perspective.

Remember you chose her because you are friends so you should be able to talk to her. If it ends up that she is just being horrible then don't be afraid to un-bridesmaid her. A true friend will apologise and be gutted that she's upset you so much.