Bridesmaid troubles

I can understand the bridesmaids having a secret Facebook to organise the hen do if you want it to be a surprise however it's down to you to plan your wedding and decide on bridesmaids hair, flowers etc.

Personally I think Mary has waaay overstepped the mark and I would tell her so. Is it e possibly the other people involved dont realise that this is being done behind your back?

If you don't want to confront her possibly a msg on your Facebook along the lines of it seems there is a secret Facebook page planning my wedding that I have not been a part of. Perhaps someone would like to fill me in so I can make my own decisions!

Time to clip Mary's wings i think.

I have 2 views on this as I try to see both sides as people alway twist the story to suit them (not you btw)

1st could your sister be stretching the truth because shes jealous?

have you actually SEEN this secret group and whats happening in it?

it sounded from the very start of this like your sister is 'taddeling' on every little thing mary does and as if she has an issue with her, maybe this is a little more innocent than your sister is trying to make it seem, as said setting up a second group for things like hen do plans could be completely normal

2nd if its not your sister then I wonder if mary is married or the kind of person thats obsessed with weddings?

some people do get so over excited that they forget it isnt their day, if that is the case then she has far overstepped the line and I think jaynes suggested wording is pretty good

I would try to find out more and weather this is a drama issue with 2 bridesmaids or a genuine 'control' issues before possibly causing problems with a friend though (because if she is not doing anything wrong and you jump on her with your sister it will feel like an ambush)

I agree with sorbet and forgot to put that your sister could be stirring things a bit. Maybe there is someone else who would be on that group you could adk?

I would still put a note on my Facebook about the one you're not a part of but maybe get someone else's info on the other before you hang draw and quarter Mary. Find out exactly what's going n there so you know your facts before any confrontation with Mary.

If your sis is in that group, ask her to show it to you. Then worry about what to do.

Butlins? Would sack the lot of them off!

Sounds to me like your sister might be stirring things up a little, she is obviously angry at Mary and seemingly wants you on side, ask to see these messages for yourself before you go in all guns blazing, just to make sure all is as your sister is making out.

if she genuinely is doing all this then Mary needs telling in no uncertain terms to back off, I would have a word face to face and make sure she understands that whilst her ideas are welcome her trying to take over most definitely isn't and will not be tolerated, also point out to your other bridesmaids that you want to be included in any wedding chat.

xx

I think it's really nice Mary is so excited and so keen to pitch in! HOWEVER if what your sister says is true, that's way overstepping the mark. But I'd be nice about it as you don't want bad feeling with a BM who is clearly trying to do a lot for you! Just make it clear the decisions are ultimately yours - perhaps post on your own fb group asking for suggestions for centrepieces / hairstyles etc, so they can see it's going to be you who makes re decision but that you'd like their input anyway!

I agree with Sobet- you should probably ask your sister if she can show you the group so you have seen the full extent of it.

If what she says it true then you need to nip it in the bud and tell Mary to calm down. Yes, the bridesmaid should have a little bit of input to make sure they're comfortable on the day, but it is your wedding and they need to remember that. They definitely shouldn't be talking about what flowers to have - as this is usually something that plays with the grand scheme of things in the wedding- and unless they're paying for the MUA, they shouldn't be looking.