Bridesmaids...

I think it's simple really: if you want her to be a bridesmaid, then definitely ask her. If you are only considering because you either feel you should, or feel like she's really wanting it, then you probably shouldn't.

I would take longer to think about it. I almost asked someone (my fiancé's friend's partner) because he suggested it and she seemed really interested, but the more i thought about it and tried to spend time with her without our partners, i realised i found her quite frustrating/self-centred. I left it, and a few months later decided i wanted someone else, whom i've since asked and am so glad i didn't ask the first girl. I think we sometimes feel guilted into it for their sake but that isn't what YOUR wedding is about. Give it a bit longer and see how you feel, as I think you may end up regretting it if you ask her whilst in the frame of mind you're in now xx

Hey,

I think it's hard when deciding bridesmaids purely because sometimes you want EVERYONE but that isn't always an option! ?

I chose mine by thinking about who I wanted, and if I had any doubts about them then I'm not having them. There's enough pressure on a wedding without worrying about who is a bridesmaid.

Pick who you want - by the sounds of it you don't 100% want her but feel inclined to have her.

But this is my opinon - and I'm very black or white ?

Good luck x

After reading your post, i think it's really nice and thoughtful of you to want to have included her as your bridesmaid. but since you said yourself that you may not be able to afford it, i guess you shouldn't really force it just so that you can fit her in. and the way of you thinking that you would be asking her to do your make up maybe is quite enough to make her feel included on your wedding. if she's really a friend you're telling us like, she should have no problem and understand

I had a similar issue to yours, although I can't really give you any advice because I'm still not sure I dealt with it in the best way. I've got two bridesmaids, but I also considered asking a third, who is a very good friend and we lived together for a few years but we haven't felt as close for the last year or so, so I agonised for ages over whether or not to ask her. I wasn't sure whether it would be more awkward to invite her (since we're not as close anymore) or to not invite her (as that could cement the process of growing apart...). What made it more awkward was that a couple of years ago, long before I got engaged, the subject of who you'd have as bridesmaid came up in our group and she said she'd have me, so then I felt crippled by guilt about not asking her. I ended up not asking her, and she seemed absolutely fine with that, although I can't say I don't still feel awkward and guilty about it. However, I do also have moments where I feel like I wish I'd only gone for one bridesmaid and I'm certainly glad I've only got two. Because it's not just the cost, it's all the organisation and politics too. Where to house everyone the night before the wedding? How to get everyone together for shopping trips, how to choose a style everyone likes, how to get them to understand that I don't care how much "twilight silver" is really "their" colour and brings out the glow in their skin tone, this isn't about them, the dress has to fit in with my colour scheme and suit the other bridesmaid too, aargh! Also this third friend can be quite forthright, (as can my other bridesmaids and my mum and aunts) whereas I'm more the timid kind, so I thought that surrounding myself with even more forthright, opinionated people will only increase my stress levels. I think I was correct on that one.

As for your friend, I'm wondering why, if she's offered to pay for herself, is it still an issue for you? To me that suggests that it's not purely the cost that is holding you back? If I were you I'd have a long hard think about why you're still reticent about asking her. If it is purely the cost then I'd say let her pay for herself and have her, it might end up being a lovely experience! But if there are other reasons then it might be better to go with your gut and save yourself some hassle.

I'm in a similar situation with my future sister in law.

She drunkenly told me she'd love to be my bridesmaid (before we were even engaged) but we've not had a proper chance to bond.

I'm not close with my sister, she's 18years older so we never got a chance to get close before she got married and had kids so I'm not having her, just a cousin, her daughter who will be 8 and my friend so the sister in law would be my 4yh.

My OH doesn't mind what I decide so I've invited her for dinner, just the two of us this week to try and open up communication a bit. At the end of the day it's your choice and nobody should force you either way. I'm learning to be strict with people whilst planning this wedding!