Bridesmaids contributing to dresses?

Hi

Oops, somehow sent that before I finished!

My bridesmaid dresses are being made. I'm paying for the material & my bridesmaids are paying for them to be made. They all know my budget is tight & said they would spend that much on an outfit anyway.

As for cutting costs in other ways, would the ushers, Dad's etc be willing to pay for their own suit hire? What food are you thinking of having? A hot & cold buffet is much cheaper than a 3 course sit down meal for example.

Make sure you shop around supplier wise too x

My bridesmaids have been brilliant and have paid for their own dresses ?

I am paying for them to have their hair done on the day

I think this is a bit of a difficult situation because although you mentioned money is tight and that is completely understandable, have you considered your bridesmaids might not have the money or be willing to buy their own dresses? Generally as far as I know, it's up to the bride and groom to provide attire for the bridesmaids, best men, ushers etc. If it was the other way around and someone asked you to buy your own bridesmaid dress for their wedding you might feel a little bit put out!

Have you thought about hiring dresses? I think some boutiques do this and it might work out cheaper? Or trying to find something on Ebay which is in good condition? Whenever I watch Don't Tell The Bride they always get bridesmaids dresses from Debenhams - you could wait until they have a sale or or try and get some kind of discount for buying a certain number? Hope this helps a little, I know weddings are super-costly!

I know people who have done this and their bridesmaids have agreed to it, I also know a bridesmaid who wouldn't contribute because it was already costing her enough to travel to the wedding, stay over night for two nights and buy outfits for her children to wear. I think it depends on a number of factors. Do the bridesmaids themselves have money to spend on a new dress? will the wedding be costing them a lot of money to get to etc? Are you willing to let them have a say in what they wear if they are funding it? Will you be offended or upset if they say no?

How many bridesmaids do you have and what kind of budget did you have in mind for them?

Yup, feeling that pain here too. However, 2 of my 4 maids want to pay for all of their stuff as their gift to us, but we've compromised on dresses only and we'll pay for the rest - shoes, hair & make-up, etc. It just felt a bit awkward asking the other 2, but it was OK. I want their dresses to be something they can wear after and they had to be affordable too.

Don't worry too much, I'm sure they'll understand your worries. Just stick to your guns.

If you are asking them to wear a certain dress I am a firm believer you should pay for their dress.

I got mine from the High Street to save costs.

Alternatively, if you really can't afford it, could you all ask them to wear the same colour of a dress they all have already?

Yeah , I haven't thought of their travelling costs........

I have 4 adults, 2 have already expressed that they could contribute, the other 2 are not tight on funds. I just feel like it should be my responsibility.

Am trying to cut cost on food, drink etc but thinking of keeping it a nice day too.

I just want to get married at the end of the day and think I keep it in perspective without getting upset......

I'm in the same boat, I'm on a very tight budget and I'm really struggling to find anything we all like for less than 180 a dress. That's way over my budget. I had hoped between £80 - £100 each ( I have three adults ). OH. Thinks this is pretty high.

i spoke in general to my maids saying I was stressing about how much everything was adding up to and that was without shoes etc! I then said ' how would you feel about buying your own shoes? Just an idea, you can then pick something you'll wear again and in a style you want'. They all agreed straight away and calmed me down about dresses saying they completely understood and not to worry, we'll find something cheap that we love we just need to be patient and keep looking. One of my maids messages me later to say they had all spoke and decided that if we found dresses over my 100 budget that they loved they would pay the difference. Honesty is best policy, be open with your bm's and I bet they will offer to help you out or will at least help you try to find something within your budget.

I've found a local dress maker that will make me a dress the same as the dessy ones my maids all love (£225 each) for £100 each so I'm saving £375 !!! Keep shopping around, lots of high street shops have dresses that could be worn as bm dresses. My problem was I wanted a specific colour and was not happy with any we found. This way I don't have to compromise on colour, style or length.

why don't you post a few ideas of styles etc on here, and ask people to help you find cheap ones?? Everyone is so helpful and you never know someone might locate the perfect dress for you.

Sorry for rambling on........

I have been a bridesmaid twice - once I bought my own dress, the other time a dress as bought for me. For the wedding when bought my own dress, one of the bridesmaid's dropped out rather than buy a dress she didn't like she would never wear again, so I think you have to be aware of that risk. I didn't mind it personally, but it did make it a very expensive "honour". I thought it was nicer when the bride bought my dress - we had to wear our own shoes, jewellery etc.

For my wedding I have told the bridesmaids I have a budget of £100 each for their dresses, and we are going to look for that. I would prefer to find a dress they would be happy to wear again, and I am not being prescriptive on colour particularly, although i have put a couple of restrictions - ie not dark blue as that is what my mum is wearing, preferably knee-length and preferably summery. They have agreed to pay anything above the £100, including if they want boleros etc.

I was talking to a friend about this yesterday - if you genuinely cant afford their dresses then fair enough, but she was talking about being a bridesmaid when they had a really expensive honeymoon, and had frequent weekends away in the lead up to the wedding. This poor bridesmaid had to forgo a summer holiday to fork out the cost of being a bridesmaid. That doesn't seem on to me.

What style/colour of dresses are you wanting them to wear? You can get some nice dresses for less than £40, esp in the sales, BHS & TK Maxx.

TBH, I think you should have thought about the cost of their dresses/shoes/hair etc before asking 4 BM's. Its not fair for 2 of them to buy their own dresses & the other 2 to pay. Regardless of their wages, I'd feel a bit miffed if I had to buy my dress & the other BM's didnt.

- If you have maxi dresses, they could wear their own shoes rather than buy new, matching ones

- Could you serve the wedding cake as dessert rather than paying for a 3 course meal

- Buying vases/mirrors etc for centrepieces from ebay can save costs. As can having living centrepieces- potted plants, fruit, vegetables. You can also pick up lots of jars, teapots, vases at charity shops. (depending on what theme you have in mind)

I'd cut costs on the dresses & buy them all, or, ask if they could each contribute a certain amount their dress, but all contributing the same. A wedding is equally expensive for guests, but more so for BM's. There is also the costs of the hens to consider. The BM's might have also bought a dress & shoes for that night, transport, accomodation, dinner/drinks out. It all adds up & thats before the actual wedding.

If you are asking them to buy their dresses then they should beable to choose them. If you pay then it's your choice.

My 3 bridesmaids are wearing twist and wrap dresses from BHS, perfect because they can each choose a style that they like ( I think you can wear them 15 different ways) and they were £80 but with 30% off, so ended up being only £56 each - bargain!

You pay, you choose. They pay, they choose.

I personally don't think it proper to ask BMs to pay for their outfits etc, and I'd have had none/fewer if I couldn't have afforded it. But if it's going to happen, the above rule should apply (in my cabbage).

I've been a bridesmaid more times than I'd like to recall, and the only situation in which I bought my own dress was the wedding that I was the sole bridesmaid at. The bride and I went shopping together, we agreed on a dress that we both liked (from Oasis, of all places!), and I wore shoes I already owned. Every other time, the bride has paid- and thank goodness, because I'd have eight ridiculously unwearable dresses sitting in my wardrobe that I'd have paid for, then!

If you want them to pay for their own dresses, make sure they're reusable. And I mean, really reusable, and not the sort of "oh, you can wear it again!!" that most brides seem to think applies to their pastel satin floorlength gown. I've got one "proper" bridesmaids dress in my wardrobe that got reused, and it was for a zombie prom queen costume. The rest are sitting there, waiting for me to take them apart and harvest the fabric to make something with, or to be given to my goddaughter for dressing-up purposes.

The dress from Oasis? I wear it all the time. It's blue and swishy and I think I paid about £70 for it.

Part of why my partner and I aren't having any bridesmaids is that it's a really expensive endeavour. Between the hen parties and the pre-wedding things, getting stuff to wear on the day (even if it it just shoes and whatnot), travel for the wedding, drinks while you're there, a nicer-than-average gift, all the wee bits that you contribute towards, it really adds up horribly. I worked out once that I was paying about £300 to be a bridesmaid for my cousin, and while I love her and was delighted to be asked, I was a student living in a shitty bedsit and reusing teabags. It was money I couldn't afford, and that I didn't actually think about when I had said that I'd be delighted to be her bridesmaid. Had I been forced to buy the (satin, floor-length, sage green, strapless- pretty, but SO not my style) dress on top of it, it'd have been approaching £500. For the honour of holding her dress up while she peed .

Apparently I have really strong feelings on being asked to buy your own bridesmaids dress. Who knew!

this has me both howling with laughter and cringing for my poor MOH who not only has to travel 400 miles for the privilege but is also wearing a blue floral tea-dress which I know is totally not her thing ( I've given her a million and one opportunities just to say no I'm not wearing it but she keeps insisting it's lovely)... all to take me to the loo!!! Hell, I object to taking my 3 year old to the loo these days!

There's no right or wrong with this, I think it all depends on the personal circumstances of the bride & her maids. Also, anyone who doesn't live near you or the venue is going to have to pay out a lot to be part of your special day & related activities.

I recently forked out over £400 in total to be part of a friend's day. I'm not flush & it meant that the flight for my own hen weekend is still on my credit card because I haven't had the money to pay any of it off. I wasn't a bridesmaid & her ceremony numbers were so limited that I didn't even get to see her marry. It's set me back financially but it was her big day & I didn't want to miss it. No bride sets out to make it difficult financially for bridesmaids or guests but the fact it, it's nearly always costly to attend a wedding!

My bridesmaids are all close friends that have been with me through thick & thin over the years. Not one of them had an issue with paying towards their dress. They all said they'd spend the same if not more on an outfit for the day anyway. This is why I love them & they are my bridesmaids ?

Personally I think this is something you should pay for. I think I'd be a bit miffed to be asked to be a bridesmaid then be asked to pay.

Bear in mind the High Street do some really lovely dresses that you may be able to get for a lot less than you think (and certainly a lot less than a bridal shop)

Personally I think you should pay for the dresses - that doesn't mean you have to buy something expensive but you have asked someone to be part of your wedding and it's an honour. I am buying the dresses and then they will all wear their own shoes (same colour) but wearing their own shoes means comfort and heel height to suit them. Hard to find shoes that everyone likes and will wear again.

I would really shop around, you can buy nice dresses from high street stores they don't have to be 'bridesmaid' dresses.

Good luck and don't stress

I agree with what others have said about if you're choosing then you should be paying.

My BM dresses cost £28 each from Rise Boutique so it is possible to get them on a budget!

I paid, but they chose! But I set a ceiling on the price so if they were going for super-expensive stuff they'd have had to have contributed themselves.

I think I am asking them a favour and so I ought to pay, plus, it may sound silly to some but, we have more disposable income than them so would feel dreadful asking them and then giving them a bill, lol.

I think this is a really good point, if I was a bridesmaid for someone who was on a really tight budget I wouldn't mind buying my own dress but I'd want it to be something I'd wear again. However if I was asked to pay for my dress for a wedding knowing that the bride and groom could easily afford it I'd be a bit miffed, the same if it's a wedding with lots of frills, including having several bridesmaids and ushers/groomsmen for example.

I am not sure my experience is representative as I wasn't set on traditional bridesmaid dresses and my bridesmaids are remarkably low maintenance. I spoke with the bridesmaids and asked them what colour they would like to wear. At the time I was stuck on colour scheme and one of my lovely bridesmaids is very art-savvy and we developed the colour scheme under her guidance, the BMs then said that they would like to wear silver as it suits all of them (very different complexions). So I started looking for silver dresses, but did not look at the typical bridesmaid brands but rather high street as I wanted dresses they could wear afterwards too, simple and elegant was the style I was looking for. After looking around for a bit I found silver French Connection shift dresses on the John Lewis website on sale (reduced to 35 pounds from 140) and I ordered them in a selection of sizes. They tried the dresses on and looked gorgeous in them and were really happy (at least I am pretty sure they genuinely like it as I made it clear there was no pressure and we could carry on looking and they know that I am a no-nonsense person, so they would have told me). I can really see them wearing the dresses afterwards as well (and no, I am not deluded, it is just the kind of dress they wear out for dinners and so on all the time) and I love the idea!

Now, I wasn't actually looking with a restricted budget in mind, it was more a case of finding the best thing for the best value and by keeping my mind relatively open to the style I managed to find beautiful, high quality dresses at a bargain price. I appreciate this was very lucky, but all I'm saying is try to stay open to adapting the picture you have in your head so it can actually meet the reality. I have to admit though I would also have spent a lot more money on their dresses if they had found one that would have made them happier, can't really say what the limit would have been.

Same for shoes and bags - if they are close enough to you that you want them to be your bridesmaids, chances are you will know their style and what they like and what suits them. Debenhams has been mentioned before and I can only recommend it, especially for shoes and bags, bought the BMs shoes and clutches from there for 48 pounds a set and again they love it.

I guess answering your very first question, no, I would never ask the bridesmaids to contribute, but even if you are paying, I don't think you should force them to wear something that isn't "them", let them have input, give them options and listen to them. You want happiness all around on your wedding day and that includes the bridesmaids feeling they look their best!

My bridesmaids knew I was on a low budget, and so when I asked them to be bridesmaids, they offered to pay for dresses. I didn't reject the offer! They paid for own dresses and I got their shoes and accessories. But as they were paying, I explained our colour was turquoise, and they picked their own dresses, I gave them free choice in what they wanted to wear. In the end they co-ordinated in a way with each other, but I don't think its rude to ask if they could contribute, but put it sensitively and explain about your budget.

Personally I wouldn't ask my BM's to pay for their dresses.

If I was you I would look at dresses in sales or on the high street. I've seen some lovely dresses which would be suitable for BM dresses in shops you might not think of first for them.

I think irrespective of budgets, I just think it's wrong to ask somebody to perform a role which is going to cost them money to do so, eg specified dress.

I am having the same problem. I have told the BMs they can get whatever style they like as long as they stick to the colour scheme. The BM dresses will be sky blue and we can't find anything in Debenhams, BHS etc. There was one in BHS which is lovely and in budget but one of the BM's is doesn't like it. I tried to suggest looking in other high street shops like DP but no, not having it. I suggested eBay but 2 weren't happy about this. These 2 BM's said they wanted to look in bridal shops for a BM dress and that if they found something they liked they would put the extra towards it however my 3rd BM isn't in a position to do this so it's a bit difficult. I just wish I'd said from the start that I'll decide the style of the dress to save all the hassle.