Bridesmaids contributing to dresses etc

Contibuting to dresses is fine, and in fact it's the 'done thing' in some parts of the world.

But I would only feel comfortable with this if it were equal between all bridesmaids, ie not fair to pay for some and not others, you are better to say you will pay x amount towards each dress.

It's also not fair IMO to expect someone to pay for a dress that they haven't chosen and will never wear again. So if you are allowing them free choice then fine but if you are dictating what they wear then seems unfair.

I wouldn't say no at the first instant. If they're willing to contribute, then they obviously really really want to be involved, and that's really lovely! x

Hi!

I only have 2 bridesmaids so not exactly in the same boat as you but I have paid for their dressess but have asked the girls if they mind sorting out their shoes themselves. They were more than happy to do that so I'm happy.

Also one of my BM's has said she would prefer it if she could do her hair herself so maybe you could see how your girls feel about this option?

I'm torn between saying if they want to pay then fair enough, but also agree with Nutella in that its not really fair given that some arent paying. I guess they know that the others wouldnt be paying though? And you'd need to choose something I would think that they like and would wear again seeing as they are paying for it.

I have no issues - as long as its known when they agree to bridesmaid, they don't mind and that you'll pick dresses in their price range. Just consider if you were going to pay for hair/make-up/shoes/jewellery - so all costs are known up front for them or you (not that you have to supply any of this)

I can't help but feel if you've said you can't afford it and they have offered to pay for their dresses then let them. I would remind you that it's not just dresses for bridesmaids you need to think about, if they are having flowers you'll need 2 more boquets which can be expensive, if you're getting the others presents you'll need to get them presents too. Not to mention things like hair being done if you want it all in a certain style and other accessories that you buy for the others.

I think go with what you think is best but consider the other "hidden" costs. It's not a simple case of turning up in a dress on the day and being called bridesmaid...

I agree that they should agree on it amongst themselves. If you want something in particular though I'd say you need to pay for it. I paid for my bridesmaids' dresses but they bought their own shoes (or used ones they already had) and did their own hair because I didn't mind what they were like.

I think my BMs realised how expensive it was getting and they offered to buy their own dresses, I was very grateful but for that reason I let them choose the dresses they wanted, as long as it was some kind of turquoise. They talked and wanted the same dress but found one they all liked, and I made no hint s to my feelings, they were paying so they picked.

They also sorted their own hair, but there was never talk of trials or anything, we're just not really that way inclined, and we all did our own make up. I bought them their jewellery as their gift.

I bought the dresses and accessories, but as my three smaller bridesmaids (3, 10 & 13) all lived a long way away from me they sorted their own shoes

I just said silvery/white for shoes and loved the fact they were all different in the end. This is one of my favourite photos:

I agree that it has to be equal, so it should be contribute a bit to all or none at all.

I have 2 grown-up BMs and they will be paying for their own dresses, shoes and everything else. I plan to make them a hair accessory and clutch bag for the day, but other than that, they are paying for themselves. BUT, I am making no demands of them because of this - all I said is that the dresses need to look vintagey/50s and have red in them somewhere. I don't even mind if they are different - and we are looking at rockabilly type dresses all under £50. They will look beautiful regardless, and different and kitschy and super. We are all helping eachother with hair and make-up so I'm sure it will be fine.

I took my lovely BMs shopping on the high street and said we had a budget of £100 per dress - typically, four of the five chose a dress more expensive than this! They happily topped up the budget (cheapest one was bang on at £100, most expensive was £160). The dresses are all different and absolutely lovely, they are choosing and wearing their own shoes, and paying for their own hair and make up (which they can do themselves, if they'd like to, but I was surprised when they all wanted to have it done!). I am treating them to a night in a cottage on the grounds the night before, and breakfast/dinner and champers of course! I would love to have paid for everything, but weddings are so expensive...if I'd have realised just HOW expensive, I'd have bloody waited before I asked my sister and four best mates to be BM for me, to be honest, but I was so excited and I wanted them all to be a part of it so much it all just fell out of my big ol' gob before I had any idea what a 'budget spreadsheet' was for!