Bridesmaids GRRR!

I don't think you are being unreasonable, at the end of the day they should be honoured to be asked to be our BM, I have 3 of them and all of mine can't do enough to help (though the 14 year old is a little bit of a hindrence)

And I think you H2B is right, this should be thier last chance i'd send them a text and tell them how this is making you feel at the end of the day its your wedding and you should have people supporting you through this, thats part of the reason we have bms!!

Hope it works out xx

This is a tricky one!

i think that they have no excuse for not being more enthusiastic about your wedding dress, thats very very unfair and i would possibly say something about that ... but they may be putting off the bridesmaid shopping as they feel the ball is now in their court if they are paying etc, the issue with not paying for their dress is that you have less control over things like this for example instead of it being 'hey girls lets go out and il treat you to a dress' its more 'hey we have to go shopping so that you have to purchase a dress' (obviously exaggerated but you get the idea!)

When they agreed to be your bridesmaid it sounds like you were very upfront about what they would be paying for and they have agreed to this so any queries should have been talked about then and not now...so they need to remember what they agreed to...my next move would be to set a max budget e.g. we will be looking at dresses up to £100 or whatever so that they know where they stand money wise and then ask them if they still wanted to pay for the dress etc and tell them you won't be offended if they no longer have the money and want to pull out... i'd leave that up to them (just incase they have agreed to the money and now can't afford it) if you are asking them to pay then you have to give them the option of not being a bridesmaid.

i think its very unreasonable for them to arrange things and then cancel and strange that ALL of them cancel each time, if they are having different styles anyway how about going with each bridesmaid separetley? theres loads of fab high street sales on where you could probably get dresses for around £50 or less

if they agree to another date and pull out again then i would tell them that you needed to have the dresses sorted by this date and because they haven't been it may be a little late, obviously if you give them all 1 last chance then in reality you could end up with no bridesmaids, is this something you would be happy with or is there anyone else you could ask to replace them?

Good Luck! x

I agree that cancelling at the last minute like that and not being enthusiastic about your wedding dress is poor form.

In terms of them paying for their own outfits, I know you mention that you were upfront with them about this when you asked them, but they may have felt obliged to agree if they felt put on the spot. My own personal opinion is that you don't ask people to be your bridesmaids if you can't afford to buy the dresses. Perhaps this has something to do with why you are now experiencing problems.

Im having problems with my CB, just dont want to do anything at all, i wouldnt mind but im paying for everything and she is still being so uninterested, its really getting to me now tho and i am determined to get to the bottom of it today!!

I'd agree with your OH. Being a BM is an honour and they should be excited and supportive and they don't sound so. I think the issue may be that they're paying for their dresses and if their financial circumstances have changed since they agreed then they may all be feeling like they don't want to let you down by not being honest but in fact they're causing more problems by not being honest. I would ring them all and say that you need to meet up with them this weekend and if they let you down you will take it that they want to step down as bridesmaids and you understand that they may no longer be able to afford the dresses and you are willing to talk about it but need to see them to do so.

This, exactly.

Don't forget it's January. They probably spent more money than they could afford at Christmas and now they're expected to fork out for a bridesmaid dress too. They might have said yes to be polite, but in reality they really cant afford it this month.

I think you should speak to them individually (and not by text) and ask what it is exactly they're having difficulties with. If it's financial, then you can postpone the dress date.

Thanks for all your advice! I Have said that if they cant afford the dresses then I would contribute towards them and I am not expecting them to pay a fortune on the dresses at all!I think I will give them a call... I will let you all know the outcome! Thanks fellow hitchers!!

I agree that they should have been more interested and excited about your dress, and they seem to be behaving not as friends should.

That said, with regards to their dresses, it is January and most people are skint. They may want to be there for you, but are worrying how they will afford it. I think you should try to discuss this with them to see if money is the issue.

I have just got off the phone and two of my BMs have said that they will come on Saturday after all, and they are happy to pay for their own dresses, yet I have insisted I will pay towards their dresses too!

But as the conversations went more indepth they were sounding more enthusiastic than they have been. The two BM that I have been talking to have been looking around online for some styles and both have found a couple of dresses which are less than £30 in the sale!! I have said I would pay for them then if we see them and if they like them when they try them on!

However, I still cant get hold of the other BM (my SIL) to tell her what the other two have found and that I will be paying for her dress after all... I'll try again later. TBH because they have expensive taste I was expecting them to find dresses around £100 min as they are very fashionable girls and they dont usually "do cheap"! So I am much happier now! I just need to find £90 now!

Thanks for all your advice!

I bought 2 black satin prom type dresses for my beidesmaids, only £30 down from £60 in Debenhams.

http://www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10001_10001_008010536760_-1?breadcrumb=Home%7EWomen%7EDresses

the only problem i have is that my2 bridesmaids are my 19year old daughter and 20 year old step daughter. 20 year old lives in birmingham (im in glasgow, scotland) and we have an update now & again but my daughter does nt really have any interest after the initial "can i be the chief bridesmaid?" to which i said yes, she does nt ask anythin, attend anything, could hardly even get her to try the dress on, at home! my sister has been helpful, ideas, going places etc, kinda feel bad that she is nt a bridesmaid, but we re only having 50 guests, and 3 sons are bestmen & ushers.

i dont really mind doing most of the stuff myself, i am quite an organised person, and i do like looking for bargains..

so you will get nice dresses,that wont break the bank.

just remember to breathe and count to 10...lol

Hey mattsgirl, just wondering how it went on Saturday with your BM's?

I have fallen out with my best friend who was meant to be CB. I seriously don't ever want to see her again let alone have her in my wedding. Have fallen out over something unrelated to weddings although I know she is jealous as her bf b*ggers off to the Alps for three months of the year and won't propose to her.

She is possibly the most selfish and useless person I know.

Yeah it went really well thanks but only two of my BMs (my cousins) came in the end! We had so much fun!

We found some lovely dresses for under £40 and we send pictures to the other BM and she was very opinionated about the favourite one that the girls really liked! It annoyed the other two BMs as we had been in Birmingham all afternoon looking at and trying other dresses on. Anyway They are yet to decide on what they are doing as we are waiting for the other BM to make her mind up and by the sounds of it, she doesnt like the dresses we've chosen!!! We dont want to get the dresses incase the other BM changes her mind or worse still not bother getting a dress until a month or so before the wedding, with the possibility of not matching the other two! They think that she does not really want to be a BM so I have to have a talk with her. At least I know where I will stand and my other two BMs can get their dresses before they sell out!!