Bridesmaid's shoes - have I done the wrong thing?

I don't really see how you could buy their shoes for them as even the right size might not fit. You don't mind what they wear and they don't live near each other so makes sense they all shop seperately. Are you paying or are they paying. If you are paying just give them a budget. If they want to go over they pay the difference. I can understand the bridesmaid who hates shoe shopping as I do too because it's hard to find shoes that are comfy for me. But if it's hard for her it will be near impossible for you!

I don't see an issue with this.

I have been a bridesmaid twice. The first time, we were given our dress and had to get our own shoes, accessories and do our own hair etc so I bought my own shoes from Next. We weren't given any instructions as to what the shoes had to be like as we all had long dresses. I think, personally, that if your bridesmaids are paying for their own shoes then you shouldn't tell them what they have to get as if they picke something that they like, they can wear them again.

Second time I was bridesmaid, the bride and I went shopping together and picked my shoes. I was the only adult bridesmaid though so it was a lot easier! I still have and wear the shoes now!

Good luck! X

I was recently a bridesmaid and paid for my own shoes and even dress alterations! My bridesmaids and flower girls (parents) will be buying their own shoes. Don't feel bad, you're paying for enough as it is.

I had shoegate with my only bridesmaid! We ended up at one point with 6 pairs of blue shoes - none of which were right!

I would stipulate some basic rules. i.e. Must be Silver, must be ok for walking in all day and on grass, must be shoes not boots. Keep the requirement simple. (My request was for navy blue)

Send some links to shoes you find on the web as inspiration.

Bear in mind that one of your friends may need a contribution to get the type of shoe you had in your head (This was my issue, a newly self employed person couldn't justify spending £20 on shoes that she would never wear again because she didn't like the colour (although she liked the dress colour!!)), so she bought 3 pairs for a couple of pound each from ebay and none were any good! I ended up saying sod it and I'll pay for them and choose them.

Silver is an interesting colour - you can get glittery silver, what I think of as dull silver (the really cheap ones) and some lovely ones. You might get a mix of these - is that ok for you?

I'd ask if you can ok the shoes they buy before purchase and without being too bridezilla, make sure they are your line of thinking. Phones are great for sending photos nowadays!

You can't tell them what shoes to get if they are buying but I think you should be able to tell them what not to get within reason!

I don't think you're taking the piss.

I gave my BM the option to wear their own black shoes or I'd buy them black shoes I like.

Jayne - I have vaguely worded it, so I can gauge how they feel, and if they mind paying for them, then I will show them the ones I was thinking of which are £25 from Debenhams. And say I will give you £20/£25 in lieu for them.

FutureMS - It's only silver is the only thing that is the only thing I would like, and as their dresses are between knee and tea length, then they will be on show.

Pinkcars - That's a little harsh, if they need any alterations I will be sorting that out, but one BM's mum does make dresses for fun, so she may get her mum to alter it if need be.

lynx - 6! Oh bloody hell, how did you stay calm? My only requirement is silver, and that they are comfortable for THEM. I mentioned above, that I did purposely word it vaguely, so if a contribution is needed, then I will. I know exactly what you mean by the cheap dull silver, the mix is fine with me, one can turn up in 6 inch court shoes made from a disco ball, another in the dull cheap pump shoes. Just as long as they like the shoes they are in, and can be in them all day. In fairness they'd more than likely send me a picture before I asked for one, they are very good with things like that.

Ash - that's my problem, I have 3 pairs of different silver shoes, but I don't think they do, if they already own a pair and want to wear them, cool, everyone saves money and they obviously like them.

Thanks ladies for the reassurance.

Tidal Wave - I didn't mean that my bridesmaids will pay alterations... I had to pay for alterations when I was a bridesmaid, so harsh perhaps but not on my part!

I will be paying for my bridesmaids dresses/alterations along with hair/makeup and nails so I'm quite happy to leave it to them to buy their own shoes. I'll specify colour but other than that they are free to choose... They're in long dresses anyway!

That's what I meant, it is/was harsh for you to pay for any alterations for your BM dress, that you wore. Not very good at words sometimes so I sometimes put things in the wrong order.

I've bought these for my bridesmaids, they are silver, low heel and will be comfy for all day - but they are sandals.

Debenhams however do have lots of different style silver shoes in, sandals slightly higher, court shoes etc - Take a look.

https://www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_050010462097_-1

That's alright, maybe I read it a bit wrong too!

I think you're being totally fair - if the only stipulation is that the shoes are silver I think asking them to provide there own shoes is fine!

Mine all provided their own shoes and they were perfectly happy with that. One of them even already had suitable shoes so she was very happy.

Everyone is different so I've asked my bridesmaids to get any shoes they want as long as they are nude (although SIL seems to think I said silver). I'm not bothered as the dresses are long.

I don't think you have done anything wrong, and actually it's very difficult to have everyone in the same shoes... don't worry.

You certainly haven't done the wrong thing

My bridesmaids all have long dresses so I've told them they can wear whatever they like. I don't think that's a bad thing to do at all, it's hard to cater to everyone's preferences.

Thank you for the replies, haven't heard anything still but am sticking to this, otherwise they may be jokingly sent some pictures of holographic stripper shoes hehe.

Blimey, nothing like trying to get a bunch of women to agree on something like shoes haha!

i don't think for a minute it's unreasonable to ask them to buy their own, or to make a simple request such as colour. It would in my opinion be unfair of you to choose a pair of expensive shoes and ask them all to buy them, but I've agreed with mine that they'll buy their own shoes, and I'd like them to all be the same colour. We all had a chat together about what colour would work well with their dresses and the colours, and they've all agreed on gold, which admittedly was my first choice but I also suggested nude and black. I also said they were very welcome to wear a pair of shoes they already owned if they already had a pair that matched what we talked about, so they didn't have to spend any money if they didn't need to.

one thing that's helped a lot with my four Maids who don't know each other is a what's app group. It means I can get them all talking and getting to know each other, but also when we had dress / shoe / hair conversations etc we could all send pictures of stuff we like and people can see the whole conversation with everyone.

dont feel guilty, you are spending a fortune already! Xx

You're not being unreasonable at all. I did this for my BMs - told them i would either pay for their makeup (£25) or give them £25 towards shoes and them purchase them. my only stipulation was that they colour matched. HOWEVER, both my BMs were sh!t and stressed me out no end by not buying their shoes til the day before the wedding, and then panic buying shoes that were different colours and so uncomfortable that they moaned all day at the wedding! right peed me off, esp since they had over a year to find them!!