Bridesmaids - There's always one (semi rant)

I've got one of those! Nearly ruined the BM dress hunt day and caused a major fall out between my mum and me! Couldn't careless attitude and hated the dress they'd decided on - my rule was my colour your choice of dress. She then tried to change the whole colour scheme 5 months before the big day to a dress none of the others liked. In the end CB had to have a chat with her on my behalf saying if she didn't want to be involved no one was making her but quit ruining it for me (I believe she phrased it more diplomatically than that). As she's your sister could your mum or other sister have a word?

Some people just don't seem to take being a bridesmaid well. Hopefully she was just having a bad day, or maybe had something on her mind? Try not to dwell on it too much - easier said than done I know, but believe me you will have plenty of others who will be supportive and want to share in your joy! These are the people to be concentrating on ?

I had my 2 sisters as bridesmaids. After weeks of emails back and forward between the 3 of us discussing different dresses: wee sis going 'I hate dress one, love dress two' and big sis going 'I love dress one, hate dress two' etc I told them to choose their own dresses in the colour I wanted. They ended up wearing totally different dresses but looking happy and comfortable (although big sis who is ever so slightly lollipop shaped recently she's lost so much weight did still complain she looked fat in hers!! I'm a size 16 and she's probably a 6!)

I'd get your mum or other sister to sit down with her and have a chat to see if there's a reason she's being a grumpy cow about it. Does she have a partner? Maybe she's having problems that make it harder for her to be happy for you at the moment?

My older sister and i have had a very turbulent relationship since i got engaged where she was incredibly jealous of the attention i was getting and became very resentful of me to the point where she didn't want to be part of the wedding at all and wasn't even talking to me. I refused to give up on her and worked for 3 years to get us back to talking and getting along so that i could have her in the wedding because it meant a lot to me to have both my sister there. I know she was grumpy because my mum had said something to her that she did like, but it had nothing to do with the actual dress issue which is why i couldn't understand why she needed to be so moody with me. She is hard work a lot of the time, and does have a very selfish attitude at the best of times and my OH can't understand why i'm being so persistant with her, but i know in 10 years time when i look back i'll wish she'd been there.

How old is she? From your post she sounds about 15-17. If shes about this age then I'd put it down to being a cool and aloof teen. If shes older I'd tell her to stop being a selfish ***. How spiteful to not comment on your wearing your dress??!!

Is she married? Definitely sounds jealous imo; I was wondering whether she felt like it was her turn to get married and you beat her to it?

She's 27 (2 years older than me) and she's not married (and she's in an odd 'not-really-in-a-relationship-but-used-to-be-but-now-it's-not-really-sure-if-it's-still-a-relationship....type of relationship with this guy that i really don't like because i think he treats her in an awful manner). She's got 2 kids with her ex (who she was engaged to for a little while) and they split up around the time i got engaged (2007- although their relationship had been going downhill long before this)

She got really upset and resentful when everyone started making a fuss of me and my OH getting engaged and she kept saying "no one made a fuss of me when i got engaged" and "i never got any cards or gifts when i got engaged" - like it's my fault people didn't make a fuss!! She even got annoyed when my mum bought me a jacket for my birthday.....It was a birthday present! i mean come on!

I'd like to think that she's not jealous of the fact i'm getting married before her, because it's not exactly a race! When she meets the right guy, she'll get married too!

Maybe let her pick her own dress?

I can kind of understand why she might be feeling a bit resentful towards you then. She's in her late 20's and, from the sounds of it, has never had a decent relationship. She got engaged and probably dreamt of a wedding that never happened. No one even sent her a card when she was engaged. And just as her engagement was broken off you got engaged to someone you have a strong and happy relationship and people make a fuss of you and give you cards and presents. And now she's in this rubbish relationship that doesn't sound like its going anywhere.

I completely agree with you. Its not your fault and you deserve to have a fuss made of you and to be given cards and presents. But I also understand how your sister feels. I would be feeling pretty rubbish about myself at the moment if I was her (saying she looks fat when she doesn't sounds like a big lack of self-confidence). Maybe she's worried that she's never going to get married or find someone who really loves her like you have. I don't know how much time you spend with her but maybe you could go shopping with her or go for a coffee or something to try and ease some of the jealousy and boost her self-confidence?

OMG - is your older sister my SIL2B??? ? You are describing EXACTLY what happened to me last year with my SIL2b who is one of the BMs.... She was on her mobile all the time we were in the shop and not interested at all, even though she was the only person who could make it with me to the shop...

Is that all she has done? Some people just arnt fussed about brides trying on dresses. I cant help but feel that its all a bit of a farce that all the people who go with the bride to the dress fitting will burst into tears when they see her?! Maybe she just isnt that interested in it? Especially if she has relationship issues of her own- maybe its actually a bit painful thinking about the wedding she never had and seeing you all dolled up is not her idea of a fun day out?

Sometimes us brides need to remeber that not everyone is excited about "the big day" as us.

i have to say that i kind of agree with vintagemini. on the couple of occasions that ive gone to try on my dress ive been bored to tears while the woman in the shop tells me how nice it looks, never mind the people that have gone with me!

that said she could have made more of an effort. as others have suggested maybe ask your mum or other sister to have a word and see if everythings ok

xxx

I think if you ask people to be part of your day and they agree to it, they should be at least a bit excited about it. I don't expect victoria falls when i have my dress on and i'd be quick to tell you to get a grip if you burst into tears. but seeing as she'd never seen me in my dress before, i thought she might have liked to see it at least. She didn't have to be there if she didn't want to, and she knew that.

That said - The dress she thought she looked fat in was one that she had picked out a couple of months ago. and it was pinned in to fit her perfectly (this dress still needs alterations)

She was in a foul mood about something completely unrelated - my mum had told her that she wasn't doing something for her and she was in a huff about it.

She and I used to be best friends. I think that's why i struggle with her being the way she is. And for the record - i was excited for her when she got engaged.

From the tone of your reply it seems that the close bond you once shared has clearly lapsed. You say that she is misrable because "its not all about her" - so what was she upset/ in a mood about at the fitting? If you knew why is it still bugging you?

Maybe you need to have a word with her and not wait for her to tell you she dosnt want to be your BM- Maybe you need to tell her shes no longer fit for the role? Neither of my sisters are BM and I dont see why people *have* to select certain people.

What soured your relationship?

I think I'm being a bit over sensitive just now (that time of the month)

I wish things were the same between me and my sister now as it was when we were younger, but growing up as led us down different paths and our lives are completely different now.

She has had a hard time with relationships and i've always been there for her and tried to support her, and i guess that because she hasn't been the same for me, kind of upsets me.

My family mean everything to me and that's why i have to have my sisters as bridesmaids. It wouldn't be right not to for me.

I think the reason why it bugged me so much is because it was quite a special moment for me, and i was looking forward to seeing my dress and the BM dresses, and i guess i just thought that she would have been looking forward to it too.

I'm going to speak to her and make sure that she's still happy to be a bridesmaid. I really don't want her to feel uncomfortable, and if she doesn't feel that she wants to anymore, then i'll just have to accept that's the case.

Thanks for listening and your opinions ladies, it's much appreciated and helped me see both sides better.

xx