bum wiping

I think you can actually 'damage' yourself by shooting fast water up your arse, can't you?

God knows how I know that fact ?

edited for poor spelling

yes but it didnt stop sparkley ?

There was someone on R2 earlier saying we should all bidet because loo roll (esp luxury stuff) uses so many trees.

In thailand where a hose has been available, I have tried, often because I've had no other option, but tbh, prefer loo roll.

i thought that too ?

?

I want to know what radio station you were listening to.

Gosh, it would be a bit inconvenient at work, wouldn't it?!

Blowback ? do they send the Bottom Inspectors from Viz around to police it? How bizarre.

Does just water get it all off though? Surely you need something else to wipe it off with.

What about people that have klinkers?

Being a professional bum wiper myself, i have had to jet away some poop, so, if you live in Cambs, beware, your water may be poopy

did it not cross your mind what programme i was listening to on what station? ?

?

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You

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You git!

yes but in places like thailand, offices have bum guns so you can shoot water up your starfish to your hearts content.

oh and also, thai go go girls uses hoses in the loos because they get charged to use paper. apparently <whistles>

*dimwit icon*

The guys who were on at that point seemed quite opinionated. I wanted to stay in the car to hear the outcome tbh.

Apparently Henry VIII had a servant to wipe his bottom - his job title was Groom of the Stool (fact)

i d heard that too, on some docu or other. i m not sure i d want someone to wipe my arse really. you d be praying that it was a clean chop.

They also have ladyboys and the death penalty. Doesn't make it right ?

I see nothing wrong with using water.

Paper to remove the excess, followed by water in a plastic jug to clean and a pat dry with more paper. It's how I was bought up to do it. No jets up the arse involved. Sureley though, if you were using a hose or a shower you wouldn't actually shoot it up your bum would you?

Guy from the water whatever was talking out his <not very clean> arse. If your shower hose is long enough to dangle in the bath it should have a double check valve fitted.

Another surprising poo fact (that I didn't know until moments ago):

You can buy special ginormous toilet seats for really fat people

http://www.youreableshop.co.uk/product/big-john-toilet-seat-TL/66280.html

50cm hole ?

oh yes, i know. as i very quickly found out when this gorgeous girl in a bikini sat next to me, placed her long shapely leg over mine, and pulled her teeny g-string to the side and out flopped a pair of bollocks that a bull would be proud of ?

? I heard this too. Actually made me feel quite queasy ? That guy from the water standards agency was a riot though eh can you imagine sitting next to him at a dinner party ? waffling on about rising bidets etc. And maybe I am being thick but what does the "blowback" they were going on about mean?

did you mis the fact that its called "the big john" ?

Due to my mobility issue, I have to stand to wipe. Thanks to you rotten lot, I think of Hitched every bloody time. ?

I didn't hear it but am presuming he means back syphonage. If there isnt backflow protection on your supply and there is a drop in pressure in the network you can pull water from the house into the public water supply. Its a very real risk but mainly with commercial premises.

Max user weight 85stone!! ?

In the UAE (& I guess most other middle east countries) there is either a warm water hose / bidet in each loo.

I think it's more hygienic - so when we had our bathrooms fitted, I had a hose placed beside the loo.

Really? How on earth do you stop the bathroom turning into the Atlantic Ocean? ? I get bidets but where does the water from the hose go or do you have a Big John loo seat?

back into the loo . The floor just beside the loo has a drain, incase of water spillage. The toilet won't ever get filled up unless something blocks water going around the u-bend (like loo roll) so it stays at the same water level.

I'd never even thought of using water as an alternative to loo roll in a country like England!

What about Andrex wet-wipes?! They're all well and good, but then you get a moist arse crack for about 15 mins, whilst you're waiting for it to dry!

I'm obviously thinking about this too much but how?! Do you have to hover above the seat and hold the water spray in the desired areas? Is it instant hot water? Most taps take a few seconds to get warm and where would you hold it until it got warm? Over the drain? How do you dry? With a special bum towel or reams of loo paper?

My mum has a bidit but I used it once or twice and it was the most impractical thing in the world, trying to get into the correct position and not make an almighty mess. Plus, if I don't have the runs, it's pretty easy to clean up with a couple of wipes and if I do have the runs, I can't think of anything worse than hovering over a porcelain bidit. ?