Buying not-on-list wedding gifts

12 of everything? I don't even know that many people to invite in for champagne!

Could you not just buy 6 and someone get her the others?

As a wedding planner, I would say definitely not to go off-list. I know how most of my couples feel when people give them gifts which weren't on their lists and it's not popular!

Having said that, obviously not everyone feels that way and you know your friends better than I do.

I'd just buy her 6 I think.

Thanks ladies. You and me both Francesca. ?

Mrs Jess, I would prefer to get her all of something, it probably sounds a bit mad but I don't want to share with Auntie Peggy. ?

I know they don't have any really good stuff, mainly Ikea and hand-me-downs for all their stuff. They've been saving for the wedding and flights to SA since moving in together so haven't bought any of that kind of thing. I would get anything like that in John Lewis so it could be exchanged for vouchers/something else. (They have vouchers on their list too.)

Oh, I don't know. I know he is quite picky so might not appreciate an off-the-list gift and it might be better to just suck up the extra cost.

I was actually quite disappointed at them having a list as I was looking forward to getting them something really special.

We had a JL list at the insistance of friends and family but personally prefer off list well thought out pressies. Because we put on lots of ideas for different budgets we got lots of part sets of things so I agree a full set of something on list or maybe something smaller valued from the list plus a personal thought out gift too?

Thanks for your other replies, it's good to read views. Lists are pretty alien to me tbh and although I appreciate them for normal weddings, on this occasion something special would have been easier to pick.

She was my bridesmaid and was very generous with her gift and it's something I've wanted to repaywith something fab,iyswim. Much like Rache and her friend who has asked for books, such a fab idea.

I'd say no cutlery sets is a sign they don't like them more than anything else- not a view shared by everyone but I find them pretty old fashioned (not cutlery generally ? but having a best set)

That said I wouldn't hesitate to go off list, but probably not to deliberatly buy them something that was'nt on theirs, but more out of convienience/ dislike of buying from giftlists.

We had a list even though we didn't really want one as there was nothing we really needed/wanted. Most people went off list and it was not too bad. We did get 3 woks though - quite random expecially as they were not even on our list!!

I would go with you instinct - it really does depend on how well you know them and whether they would both appreciate the gift.

I wanted to start a library too but MrH veto'd it as hes a illiterate dullard who'd rather get vases. I'm not bitter,no...

Lovely, you could buy them what they want off their list and then give them something special too.

The something special, doesn't have to cost you money. You are wonderful at taking photos. I am sure if you gave the copies of your photos from their special day- that would mean the world to them and would be something that they will treasure (Obviously this couldn't be given 'on' the day, but would be lovely for them to receive after the day). Or a special letter to your friend, telling her what she means to you.

The things I treasure most from my wedding day (except my Geeky one of course) are the little thoughtful things that my close friends thought to do for me.

These may not be to everyone taste, and they aren't things I have out on display, but I will keep them forever and they mean the world to me, are . .

They included . .

The knife we used to cut our cake, my friend surprised us with one she had, had inscribed with our names and wedding date on.

A hand sewn and embroidered cushion

Photos,

A tiny brooch

Dried flowers from the table flowers (we told people to help themselves afterwards and one friend had taken a few little flowers and dried them for me, she did it as a surprise and it was so thoughtful)

You are a lovely friend and i am sure you being there on the day will be the most important thing to her x

Do you want to offload one? We had a wok on our list and we didn't get it. It was the only thing H actually desperately wanted from the whole list!! ? We're another couple who only made one because of family pressure.

Thats a really nice idea Mrs Jess. I am wonderign whether to steal Monkey Fingers cake knife idea for BILs wedding or save it for someone I like ?

Some of our favourite gifts were the ones I would never thought of-

Voucher to go to GR at Claridges for sunday lunch

theatre tokens (these two are extra good as you are always totally broke after your wedding!)

A national trust rug- I admit to thinking it was a little strange at the time but its the one I'd not be without- its great for snugging on the sofa.

champagne and wine

I am fussy about home things- we didn't have a wedding list partly due to the nightmare of being forced to find 100 things I would like in 1 store (even JL, shop of fabulousness) but we got some great and very thoughtful presents. My Sister also did an album for us for Christmas which was nice.

We had a list, but mainly because of people asking us what to get & asking us to have one, and I was thrilled to receive things off list from some people as I would rather they bought something they chose because they thought we loved it than buy off a list if they didn't want to. But that's just me.

Lots to think about! Thanks again everyone. ?

I had been umming and ahhing about taking the big camera but I have just been convinced, we can both take unobtrusive photos throughout the day. Her granny won't be at the wedding so they will be going to see her the next day and also just for themselves. I can buy an album in advance and go to a one hour photo the next day, dropping the album of at their house.

I hadn't really thought about something from the list plus something special. They have a Wii fit on there so we could get them that as a bit of fun and spend £50 on something else.

? all!

ETA, I'mloving the national trust idea...

Sorry I can't replyto all, typingis a nightmare!?

Lots of people went off-list at our wedding and I was pretty chuffed with all the gifts from people who knew us well. We didn't mind at all.

A voucher for something lovely to do together would be really thoughtful.

We had been living together for a few years before we got married, and didn't know what to have as a list, so put down a wedgwood dinner service, so people could buy anything from one dinner plate or teacup, to however many pieces they wanted, so it covered all budgets.

The best off list present we received was a Viners cutlery set. We had a cheapy set of cutlery - I think from Woolworths! - the sort where the spoon bends in half when you try to cut into ice cream!

The viners set replaced that and has been used every day for the past 10 years, and is still going strong! It is the sort of set that is not fancy so can be used daily, but has a nice weight to it.

Definitely something we could not have afforded to buy ourselves as a "treat" but was so appreciated (and still is!).

The other thing we wished we had put down but didn't was a decent set of knives. Luckily FIL came up trumps a few years ago and bought us a set of 5 Fusion knives in a block for Christmas, that will probably see us out, and again, are used daily! - the ones below - again, we had a rubbish set of kitchen knives before that did not seem to cut butter! (another thing we would have considered a "luxury" purchase, to buy ourselves)

http://www.agudoo.com/5/2/richardson-sheffield---fusion/product-248

Those are beautiful ideas. Mind if I steal them?

My best friend is getting married later this year (I am a bridesmaid) and I'd love to do something special like this.

I'd buy from the list, but like Monkey Fingers says, your pics are brilliant, how about putting one of your flowers onto a canvas which will work in their bedroom? You could theme it on, or actually take it of, flowers from her bouquet

I found the wedding list politics such a stressful part of my wedding experiance. Four years later almost all of the tableware remains in the John Lewis boxes under our stairs - for when we have our forever house. Some of the people that went off list did annoy me but it was things like the list had orange LeCruset which had already been bought and then we got a red Chassuer. cassorole. Similar thing happened with glasses.

But we did have a handmade leather album filled with fantastic reportage style photos, which I adore as I almost stabbed our official photograher with our new engraved cake knife!

Some of my favourite presents were off-list. I see a wedding list just as a list of suggestions- it's not compulsory to buy from there and I can't imagine any reasonable person being miffed that you'd made the effort to choose something personal. It's obviously riskier than getting something from the list though.

I don't like buying less than a whole set of something either.