Can I ask a question about...

Of course. No guarantee we'll answer though ?

Fire away!

Yup, go for it!

You don't know OT very well do you? ?

There's not a lot that hasn't been discussed over here.

I'd just go for it personally, there's not much that hasn't been asked here at some point!

Please do - I'm trapped on my sofa with a poorly child watching children's tv, and only the internet to keep me going. ?

Right well this is it... (at work, so probably shouldn't use certain words)

OH said something which bothered me last night. We went to bed, he was in the mood I wasn't. He made advances, and I said no again. Then he said to me " Y'Know, I've gone through with it sometimes when I haven't been in the mood and you have you know. It's just something you should do if you love someone!"

I said he should have told me on those occasions as I would have been fine with it, although admittedly I might be guilty of the same a couple of times because he tends to sulk otherwise.

Just wondered what you thought of what he said? I can see both sides in a way, but mostly I disagree.

Hope this isn't TMI but also it's not like there's been a drought, it's been one day! ?

I don't think anyone should be pressured into having sex if they're not feeling it. Having said that, I do sometimes go through with it when I'm not in the mood if I feel it's been a while since we did it or whatever. Sometimes you get into the mood on the way.

MrSC tends to notice if I'm not into it though and doesn't really enjoy it as much anyway. I'd be having words to be honest, he shouldn't be pressuring you into having sex with him. There's always the solo option if he's desperate after all ?

Well that's what I was thinking - it's my body, I'll do with it what I like.

He then asked if I minded if he went for the solo option, and then he said "I'm not an animal, I'm not going to do it".

Bizarre.

I can't do it if I'm not in the mood, it just wouldn't feel right, even if that means I annoy my H.

I can't say the roles would ever be reversed, I rarely initiate it and I don't think there's ever been a time when my H hasn't been in the mood ?

That's his choice if he's gone through with it when he's not in the mood- he can't ask you to do the same thing. I think we've all done it occasionally when we'd rather have gone to sleep (I know I have) but there's a huge difference between making the decision yourself and feeling obliged to do it because someone's told you you should. If H said that to me I'd tell him it was unacceptable.

I'm of the "just do it" school of thought - even if not in the mood I usually do because sex is such a vital part of most relationships and I always enjoy it once we've started IYSWIM. It is easy to get out of the habit of having regular sex, particularly when children, stress, jobs etc get in the way and can be hard to get back into the habit. I feel happier with regular sex and I know H does too - it makes us feel closer as a couple I think.

However, if I turned him down he would never in a million years sulk about it or complain at all. I think if he did I would probably feel very different about the issue so not surprised you're a bit cross.

Good lord, anyone has the right to decline. If it's a frequent mismatch in desire, it's sometimes easier to go with it - and it's true that the mood can be caught. That said, resentment at feeling you have to is going to put a dampner on proceedings anyway.

Never have sex unless you want to, for whatever reason. It's one of the mainstays of good self-esteem in my book.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having sex when not in the mood and have always find that, in doing so, I end up in the mood. I see sex in a relationship as a positive thing in itself and think there are all sorts of arguments for having as much as possible, even when it might be easier not to.

However, I think giving you a lecture on doing so and using the fact he's done it in the past as a bargaining chip is rude, childish and would piss me off completely. Can't think of a bigger turn off than feeling pressured into it.

WSCS. Although i do admit that i too have gone along with it if i aren't feeling in the mood but once i get into the swing of things i normally forget that i wasn't in the mood anyway.