Can I have some opinions please? bridesmaid dilema

I think that sounds perfect - i no if i had children i would rather them be all dressed up looking gorg than me!! You can still involve your 2 best friends maybe by asking them to do a reading or be your witnesses?!

Thanks for that. Having them as witnesses is a great idea hadn't thought of that.

I think it's lovely but just wanted to say that flowergirl's dresses can be quite expensive too, especially if you are thinking of having two. My Flower girl's dress was £65 in BHS originally which I thought was quite a lot for a kiddie's dress to be honest but maybe I'm a stinge!(I did manage to get it in the sale on a blue cross sale so it was about £37) Plus then you have got the tights/socks/shoes/cardigans/hair bits/wands or flowers/gifts... it all adds up fairly quickly.

I think that is a lovely idea and I would be touched if someone asked my daughter to represent me - I am sure they will understand.

i think it's a lovely gesture

I think thats a lovely idea and they probably won't even have thought about it. Its also a great idea that someone has given about asking them to be witnesses or do a reading.

I have decided to only have one adult bridesmaid, and my 2 nieces (3 and 6 yrs) which meant I have had to tell one of my other very close friends that although I would love her to be my bridesmaid, I really can't afford any more than 1 adult and the girls, and also because my mum is making the bridesmaid dresses and I want to avoid her having to much stress. One adult dress is doable, but I feel it would be too much for her to do 2 and the girls dresses.

I have however asked if she will be with me and my other best friend on the morning to get ready, which I am delighted that she has agreed to do. And I am also intending to ask her if she would be prepared to do a reading at the ceremony - although I won't mind in the slightest if she would rather not because she may not like the thought of speaking in public.

Also after having the conversation with my friend I sent her a little card to thank her for being so understanding about the situation and to tell her how much she means to me and that I value her friendship. She has been wonderful about it all, and seems to be ok with it which I appreciate so much.

Thanks, I am glad it is not only me who is having this issue. I like your idea of inviting them to be with you on the morning to get ready, which would probably work well if they say yes to their daughters being flower girls. I feel much better about it now ?..... Now off to find something else to stress about!!!?

It's a lovely idea, however before you ask them bear in mind how well behaved their children are. I asked my goddaughter (8) to be my flowergirl and my mums going nuts because she can be very badly behaved when she wants to be. I'm hoping she'll be fine, but a huge tantrum in the middle of the wedding might not be so pleasant.

Also, have you considered asking your friends to pay for their own dresses and having them as bridesmaid? I know you're worried about having a bridal party that is too big, so it wouldn't solve that problem, but it would mean you could have them and not have the extra cost. They're bound to be planning on buying a new dress and shoes for the dya anyway, so it wouldn't be much of an extra cost for them and it would mean you could still have them as bridesmaids.

It's completely up to you. If they're good friends they'll understand if you can't have them and I can't imagine any mother not being touched that you wanted to include their daughters.

Thanks for your thoughts, I have thought about behaviour issues, especially as they will be 2 and a half and 3 (with my nephew - page boy at just 2) but as I work with little children am aware that these type of things could happen and am relaxed about it if they misbehave a bit. My sisters (as bridesmaids) will be briefed and will have to keep them in line ? It is hard to tell now what they will be like in a years time anyway as they are still so young. As for asking my friends to buy their dresses, I know this is something people often do but I think I would feel a bit uncomfortable with this especially as I was bridesmaid for one and they bought mine.?

I think asking them if they minded their daughters being flowergirls is a great idea! My H2B's sister is not a bridesmaid (despite my own sister being one) and she was delighted when I asked her if she minded her daughter being a flowergirl instead...i think that when you have a daughter you learn to accept that people like making a fuss about children and asking the girls to be flowergirls is a good idea. Best of luck!

I'm with Starstruck on this one I'm afraid.

To kit my flowergirl out was well over £200 with her dress, shoes, flowers and a simple tiara - she was only 7. Don't think because they are only little it won't cost much!!

Also, when I read the ages of the children I thought them a bit young to play such a major part in your day - and even worse to be "in place" of your friends - they're way too young to understand whats going on.

If you can't afford for your friends to be BMs as well as your sisters then I don't see why then saying you can afford for their kids to be FG's would make them feel better? And I don't think every best friend automatically assumes they have a right to be a BM, specially if you have sisters.

If you wanted them to feel special on the day then why not get them a nice wrist corsage or something so they stand out a bit from other guests and ask them to be your witnesses. I did this with my 2 best friends - they wore what they wanted but they both had matching wrist corsages (which no one else had). They both played a major part in my wedding - but without ever mentioning the 'bm' word.

I too agree with Starstruck & Mrs SP but you know your friends best just be careful of asking their children without thinking through all the consequences, expenses & on the day stuff. Little girls look pretty in almost anything so not making them FGs won't mean they won't look cute!

I only had my sister as BM as we had a small wedding and I would have had to ask all 4 close old friends which would have been overkill and expensive.

Thanks for your views although now I'm even more confused? AARGH!!!

Get yourself to the kids Monsoon sale, on NOW!

I bought my FG dress 18 months ago for £17.50, headress this year for under £5 and shoes for £12 all in Monsoon sale. If you add all that up with flowers as well (she's having a wrist corsage at £10) it's just under £50 for the lot. Still a lot but a darn sight cheaper than it could have been.

There are some great high street sales on/just coming up - M & S BHS Next even Woolies do wedding wear. Worth buying sizes too big and puting them away - I'm proof it can be done.

I think mums doing readings/witness and FG will be gorgeous, but I would I'm doing the same - no BMs.

I agree with others (starstruck, mrs sp etc) over asking their daughters to be FGs - you either want your friends or you don't. i'm afraid to me it's as simple as that. maybe if you explain your budget problems to your BMs they would be able to contribute towards the cost of the dresses? especially if they can wear them again? as mel_odrama said, get to the monsoon sale asap - there are lots of bargains!

Hi everyone. Thanks again for all your views and I appreciate people's honesty however feel I need to clear something up and make it VERY clear that it is not that I don't want them to be bridesmaids I just feel at a small wedding 4 bridesmaids would be overkill whereas children as flower girls somehow doesn't seem as extreme to me (but maybe thats just me). Money is an issue - as I am sure it is for most of you too but equally I know how difficult it would be for them to find extra money to buy their own dresses and don't feel I could expect them to do so (especially as they both have 2 young children who arent'tcheap). I have taken into account your views and am reconsidering asking them now as I thought it would be a nice thing to do and certainly don't want them thinking as I seem to have come across that I don't want them to do it so may have to go without either. ?

Please remember that the most important thing is that it's YOUR DAY. I know some people here have said they'd be offended, but others wouldn't be. You know your friends so please don't change your mind about it just because some people in here would be offended. Think about the different opinions people have had and decide which is most likely to fit the girls in question.

Thanks for that, I know you are right just don't want to upset anyone so will give it some more thought I don't need to decide straight away I guess?

Ask the children! It'll be cute!

xxx

They are very cute and I'm sure it would be ? Thanks

.

It must be so confusing for you given that there's such varying opinions on here about what to do!

Remember, these girls are your friends! Only you can really know how they'll react to any of the suggestions. Talk to them. Tell them exactly what you've told us... that you think having 4 BM's would be overkill, but you really really value their friendship and want to accknowledge that at your wedding somehow. Maybe if you tell them what the suggestions from here have been, you can work out together some way of them, or their daughters being involved

Good luck with it!

Think its a lovely idea to ask them to be flower girls...it doesn't have to be expensive, and I think they would appreciate it.

They might even appreciate a bit of peace during the ceremony with not having the children sat with them!