can i vent *sensitive*

Good Lord you've had a tough time of late haven't you ?

Don't apologise for posting, it's what we are hear for. To listen and be a shoulder for time in life when we don't have RL friends to turn to. Or in many cases choose not to turn to RL friends. It sounds like you need some TLC, do you have any other family members who can help out? Cousins, uncles, aunts? siblings?

Where are you based? Maybe some Hicthers can come have a coffee with you to help take your mind of things.

?

Even if you were moping, which I don't think you are BTW, you would be more than entitled to after all you've been through. Cancer is a scary thing to go through and after only 5 weeks in remission you are bound to be a bit anxious.

I'm sorry but the people in your life sound like awful selfish people, I can't believe your mother would be putting her new life before her daughter who is fighting her way back from illness. And as for your boyfriend who walked out when you needed him most, he was obviously not good enough for you.

Please please go and speak to your doctor, if only it is to put your mind at rest that nothing is wrong. A lot of what you are experiencing could be down to stress. I really hope you get the help you need, but you shouldn't be having to do this on your own. Is there any chance you could put your youngest in nursery for a few hours during the week to give you a bit more time to yourself to recooperate?

Your mother sounds on cloud cuckoo land - moping? Fecking cheek!

It's hard enough being a single mum and working, without having been so ill.

Please go to the dr though, it sounds like you should get a check up done. ? Get well soon.

thank you..i took a long time to hit post as i feel i don't contribute enough to warrant a vent..silly i know.

I really don't have anyone, i have two brothers one lives miles away the other i disowned in January as he got very nasty about me "getting attention" i have serious family issues i know! The girl who takes my son is great but in the last year of high school so unless its school holidays i really can't ask her to do any more. She is a star as it is. The other problem is i can't drive yet, i have the cash sitting all saved up for lessons but i can't get a saturday space and can't get anyone to watch the baby during weekdays so i can go..it's so frustrating. I am based in Fife x

Where are you? ?

Please go to the Dr - as the others have said. You sound very brave to me ?

Wuzzle: thank you..I realise i need to seee my gp i will make an appointment in the morning. I tried to see about a childminder locally so that i could maybe have even half a day a week but all the local ones are either full or want me to keep paying during school holidays(when they wouldn't take him) and the only nursery in town is full up with a very long waiting list.

Zebra: thank you also, my dad said the exact thing about my mum, she met this guy moved away and seems to have turned into a completely different person. x

Wow, you've really been through the mill. Its understandable that you are run down and low and probably you have just picked up a infection or as Wuzzle says it could be stress related.

It sounds like you have been trooping on through a horrible situation and perhaps because you have been strong people around you haven't realised how much you need help now. Nursery sounds like a way you get some time for yourself.....maybe a heart to heart with mum when she gets back too.?

Oh poor you, you have so much going on. I can't believe how your mum is treating you. Get yourself to the drs to see if they can do anything for you. Where abouts are you? I wish I could come and help you out. Maybe when your baby is away try to rest and don't worry about the things that need doing as I bet they're not that bad and your health is more important.

As others have said, please go to the doctor and let them put your mind at rest. I'm so sorry to read about all that you've been through. Your family really should do more. I'm sorry I'm not anywhere near you - I'm in Surrey - or I'd pop round for a cuppa.

Ali x

Have you heard of Homestart? https://www.home-start.org.uk/

they will try and find you a volunteer to offer you help and support.....

No wonder you are struggling it all sounds horribly lonely

xx

? - didn't want to read and run. You poor thing. You have more than enough on your plate x

Hi

So sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. I'm not a Mum but I do read 'trashy' magazines a lot and know that Take a Break set up a 'Chums4Mums' network a while back. It seems really popular and offers a lifeline to folk that are maybe new to an area, or just don't have a big support network.

I don't know if it's something you might benefit from but here is the link;

http://www.chums4mums.com/1.html

Hope you feel better soon and don't for a minute think you are 'moping'. You sound very strong to me.

Gawd, that is an awful lot to go through. Your family sound monstrous - how dare they treat you like this? On the practical side have you considered whether you could get an au pair or mother's help that could give you some support with childcare/household things. Also, can the father(s) of the children not help in some way given they are [his/their] kids too?

Sorry this is a really short reply,but i just wanted to ask, do you go on BT much? Have you seen the Hitched Crisis Support Network there? If not, it's a list of hitchers, by place/area who would be willing to help out other hitchers who are having problems. You might find there is someone in your area who you could meet up with, have a coffee and a chat, entrust your 1-year old to for an hour or two, even?

I'm sorry that you're having such an awful time and even more sorry that you're not getting the support you need.?

?

thank you all so much

i have emailed homestart so fingers crossed something comes of that, their site seems to be just what i need. I will phone up my gp in the morning to get an appointment and see why im getting pains and also try to explain to him how i am feeling. My macmillan nurse had said to be prepared to feel this way i guess its hard as you always think when i get through this im going to live my life and cherish everything but it doesn't work like that straight away i guess. x

I don't know what to say but just wanted to give you a ?

I'm afraid current finances couldn't stretch to that. Fathers of my children are no use, My daughters dad moved away to live with his girlfriend, he takes her overnight once a fortnight and says he can do no more..he was no help even when i was in hospital, his mum took my daughter. My sons father is AWOL no one has seen or heard from him since he walked out i'm afraid. x

Just as an offer. I don't live in Fife so cant help physically but if you ever fancy a chat about day to day life and don't want to just chat on off topics then please feel free to email me. I have a 17 month old and my H works a lot or plays on the ps3 so it can get lonely too. Just PM me if you want ?

I'm sorry you are going through all this. ?

thanks i've never been on Bt really so will def go and have a look if i can find it x

BT stands for baby talk. Its lots of lovely mums who all share stories of their experiences and help others where they can https://www.hitched.co.uk/Chat/forums/36.aspx

Has your gp checked your homone levels?. I know that I had awful night sweats etc post my hysterectomy for cervical cancer, I still do find I get a bit of pelvic pain 2 years on. I think mine is down to going through the menapause quickly and I find that I am still tired etc. I hope your gp will be more sympathetic than your family?.

It's a long road recovering from cancer, rest as much as you can and take all the help that is offered. I think with the kids etc your doing a great job, just take little steps and listen to your body. xx

Do post on BT, there are women on there who are local to you, I'm sure ? If nothing else, there are plenty of us who know what it's like to be a lone parent and/or be recovering from illness.

I can't believe that your mum's reaction to it all is "chin up". Sheesh.

My goodness, it sounds like you have been through an awful lot!

I'm not a million miles away from fife myself however I don't drive either but if you would like to I'm sure we could find a way to meet up for the occasional slice of cake and a chat. My LO is 8months old just now.

If you want to, please feel free to email me on **********@*******.**.**

Hi there, Im in Renfrew but unfortunately I cant drive ☹️ If you have msn messenger, private message me your email address and I'll add you if you fancy a chat.

Hugs for you ?

You poor darling, I can't believe what you're going through. Some great advice on here- please, take whatever help you can and keep your strength up. ? Fantastic news about the remission. ?

Sorry to hear that your sad, but Congratulations on being in remission. My friend had cervical cancer and she has been in remission for 15 months now and is getting married in September this year. She was in a simliar situation as your self 2 children 1 at 13 and the other I think 7 so they where older. Sadly are boyfriend walked out on her as he could not cope with the situation, thankfully her mum was very supportive. I am sorry your mum is not the same.

But please do go and see your doctors your health and what you have any blip needs to be seen to. Anytime you want to chat get yourself on here and vent or chat away, let us know how you get on.

x

I was about to suggest Homestart too. I'm a volunteer and you sound like a perfect candidate for some support ? I'm just back from seeing the family I am placed with and have been playing in the garden with the children whilst mum caught up with some jobs and took a nap.

The only criteria is that you have a child under 5 and that you have a need for some support from whatever reason. Isolation from family/unable to drive/illness are all normal reasons.

You can self refer if you have a scheme in your area or your HV/GP can do it for you with your knowledge.

I can't find that post on Bt can anyone point me in the right direction?

also when i try to send private messages to anyone here its just crashing any ideas? x

Gosh you poor thing, I'm absolutly horrified you are going through this alone.

Is there any possibility your mum will help more when shes back (can't remember if you said she was near?) as to be quite frank I'd be considerign forgetting about her otherwise. Whata bloody way to act when your daughter is recovering from major illness?

I'm totally in awe there is such a service as homestart, it sounds wonderful (thinking about volunteering myself!)

Just to add to everyone elses thought, please keep comign back and letting us know how you're getting on xx

Scottishterrier

If you are looking for the baby talk forums crisis support network the wiki pages holds all the details, link below:

http://www.btwiki.ebrey.net/index.php?title=Hitched_Crisis_Network

There should be a list of forum users and the areas they live who are happy for you to contact to talk through your situation and I am sure will be keen to meet up and help etc.

I am so sorry you are going through all this with so little support and hope someone from the list is close by and can help ?

thank you..

unfortunately my mum has been like this for a while now, she used to live 2 streets away and we would go shopping or meet up for coffee, we would go out for drinks and catch up, in summer we'd take kids for picnics and i could always drop by to leave kids when i had things to do.

She met E who whisked her away within a week, i was happy she found someone but she is now too wrapped up in him and his family really. When i was recently diagnosed she rung me up to demand i sort out insurance and a will because if she was to be left with my kids she'd need finances in order! it wasn't said very delicately and my dad went mad at her. I doubt that when she returns she will help more as she didn't manage when i was laid up and she will probably now be far too busy with wedding plans..Its a bit of history repeating itself im afraid, she married another guy in 2007and was exactly the same about things then..im afraid men will always come before her family. xx