I know i don't post here very often, I read most of the threads but i still have a fear of saying the wrong thing or not being intelligent enough to join in with discussions.
However today i feel the need to post. I apologize in advance about this being a bit long and i know i'm not the best writer so i hope it makes sense x
As i have mentioned before I went through treatment for Cervical cancer over winter and have now been in remission for around 5 weeks. I went through it alone as my boyfriend decided it was all too much and walked out the week i was diagnosed. My dad isn't in the best of health and couldn't do too much but he visited once a week to make sure i was ok. My mum was a little too wrapped up in the new love of her life and didn't want to appear to have too many distractions so although she took my baby for a week when i was having Chemo she really wasn't (and still isn't) around for me. I have no friends in the area either which doesn't help.
I slipped deeper and deeper into a depression through all of this and combined with the fact that i still have no energy plus a 6 year old and a 1 year old to deal with and a house to keep on top of i am finding life a bit tough at the moment. I have a young family friend who very kindly takes my baby every saturday for the day so that i can rest but i end up spending that time catching up on all the things i can't get done throughout the week and when he comes home at night i'm even more tired than before. I try to rest but my mind is like a whirlwind, it just never stops..im paranoid about every little niggle but this past week i have been terribly ill, my head pounds and i have a lot of pain in my lower back and sides, ive been waking up in cold sweats and the pain is unbearable. Obviously this isn't helping with my general fatigue but i'm scared to go to the doctors!
I sent my mum a text letting her know that im struggling as bit right now and her reply was basically chin up and oh by the way i just got engaged how exciting!(she's on a cruise at the moment with the new man) i know i shouldn't have bothered her on her holiday but i don't have anybody else and now it seems she has better things to do anyway. She told a family friend that her wedding would be just what i need to cheer up and stop moping..
I realise there is no real point to my post and not a lot anyone can do for me but i just felt the need to say it out loud so to speak. x
