Can you beat my super thick comment of the day?

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this wont beat yours, but my OH told me last night that he felt ill, I asked for his symptoms and he told me he felt nostalgic!

I nearly crashed the car, when I advised him that the word hewas looking for was actaully lethargic he had a giggle too..... bless

Hey, don't put yourself down, I'm sure there will be loads of people who don't know much about asbestos. I didn't know a huge amount until I went on a course last year and I've been a safety advisor for 6 years!

One that got me was that OH told me that people who get married a second time can't get married on a Saturday and it was against the law. I told everyone I met about this amazing fact, which left me looking a right t!t! I'm gullible.

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My Manager had a horrible habit of wanting to highlight 'poigniant' points in meetings. She meant pertinent. I never did feel that it was my place to correct her.

Where's Poochanna with her semi-skimmed milk cow story when you need her?! ?

Is it my place to correct your spelling? ?

? I do love threads like this!

We were talking about indian food the other day at work and my boss was telling me about when her OH ordered onion bhajis as a starter, part way through he said 'these have onions in', she replied 'well yes they're made of onions', him: 'but I don't like onions'. You'd have thought he'd have got the clue from the name ?

I'm sure I have my fair share though

When we bought a new king sized bed recently the lady in the shop told us is was 6 inches wider than the double we had. My H asked if that made it 3 inches bigger each on side. ?

? you could Baron, but I have PMT and so may laugh and cry in equal measure ?

The onion Bhajee one reminds me of a colleague who told me she was a Vegetarian (I was one at the time), then proceeded to eat a full english fry up in front of me. Yet again, I didn't have the heart to ask her what she meant.

A friend of my had nostalgia too! I later learned she meant neuralgia..?

Also, when some asked her "what do you call a deer with no eyes", she thought for a moment and said "BAMB"

This is one contest I can win for sure!

Aside from the aforementioned "cows", I think the very best is this:

Whilst watching Parky being interviewed by J.Ross, they showed footage of people he'd interviewed over the years. A picture flashed up and the conversation went as follows:

Me: Oh look it's Frank Sinatra

H: Er no, that's Fred Astaire

Me: Er, they are the same person

H: No they're not, the different names kind of give it away!

Me: (Sounding really pompous) No, Fred Astaire was a character and he was played by Frank Sinatra. He wasn't a real person!

H: (walking off) You really are an idiot aren't you? I give up!

Until the other day, I thought electric hobs got hot because the wire was in coils. In fact it's the sheer length of wire, which is coiled to get it into a small space ? Wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't done AS physics 2 years ago!

My daughter, a hairdresser, came home a while ago and told me she had been talking to a client who was going on a cruise round Norway. She said "I tried to sound enthusiastic but it sounded a really boring holiday- - I don't know why anyone would want to go to Norway and look round the fields!"

She's always had problems with geography and has apparently never heard of fjords. We had visions of all these holidaymakers getting off the cruise ship in various locations and stomping round Norwegian fields trying to look as if they are having a good time ?

I think I nearly mispronounced cervical today. I'm sure I know how to say it but my friend (who is waaaaaay more intelligent than me) said it before I could and no one corrected her or laughed.

I'm trying to think how to write it so you know what I mean but I can't.

10 minute ago I discovered the saying is 'a marked improvement' not a 'masked improvement'!

I am so rubbish at sayings, I until not long ago thought the saying was 'if the cat fits'

I also thought it was 'make ends meat' I asked Mr MF how you actually made end meat? or did the saying mean, to buy the cheaper cuts of meat to save money?

I have had to promise Mr MF that I won't try to teach my son things and let him do the educating.

I say CER-vical (vical to kind of rhyme with tickle ?. She said cer-VY-cal. Vy as in bye.

cer-vICK-al or cer-vYK-al or CER-vical

I had a friend who said "communal garden" and "path of the course".

I would say you and my friend are right and the CER-vical people are wrong.

I say CER-vical, and so did Evil Dr Pain who injected my cervix.

So there.

H was in the living room today and stepped backwards, almost stepping on the cat who just managed to bolt out the way.

I was annoyed he didnt acknowledge her and blurted out - "Just because she doesnt speak HUMAN, doesnt mean you can just pretend that didnt happen!!!"

Im a knob.

She was probably trying to talk to you in a way she thought you'd understand, what with you being a bit thick and all. I bet as you left she muttered something about what you say and chip wrappings. Or something.

Kitty - I once told someone their dog was an animal because he growled at my dotg.

Do you think she was laughing at my poor, simple, cervix ?

Yep, or your poor, simple cervyx. Who knows?

My favourite mess up with words was after a home assessment with a patient. They had poor mobility and found stair climbing difficult. I was going to measure for another banister rail. I was talking to the Social Worker about it later in the day and explained to them that it wasn't possible to fit another rail because the dil do rail going up the wall, stuck out to far!

My H still reminds me of the time when I called an airport and aeroplane station instead. In my defence I was tired!

I'm presuming it was a d1ldo rail - I've called it that before....to the in-laws as well!

I think think this probably fits the bill....

Background: The Kardashians programme was on the TV.

Me: Why does Kim Kardashian never mention the Pussycat Dolls....and why is she called Kim Kardashian in this but Nicole Scherzinger in the PD?

Cue my H looking at me like I was a complete loon.

Him: Kim Kardashian and Nicole Scherzinger are 2 separate people.

Me: Are they? Are you sure?

Him: Yes! They have different names and they look different. They are DIFFERENT people!!!

Me: I'm going to look them up on the Internet ?

I'm goodness, I can't believe I am about to type this and I know it sounds like I am pretending to be thick-...but are both of those wrong?

Am I your friend?

Pronounced Cer-Vikes?

My best one was at the fish counter with my mum. She was telling me how she wanted the fish prepared and I was translating for her. Anyway, it was only when I got home I realised that I'd ask the guy to remove the wings off the fish when I'd meant to say fins! To his credit the guy didn't laugh or mock me whch is why I didn't realise until later.

My H reminds me of this every Christmas .....

A couple of years ago we went to see scrooge at the theatre and in the interval I commented how much I liked the Bob Marley character.. iEven tonite I had to google to find out the character in scrooge is Jacob Marley and def not a reggae singer !

Here is one from my H, on the morning of December 23rd we were discussing Christmas dinner.

He was on the laptop transferring music to his I-Pod. I was rambling on about all the stuff I had to do.

He looked up at me and said well before you start any cooking/baking its the 23rd today so you'll need to download the turkey?