Can you beat my super thick comment of the day?

OK, I am probably showing density here - but what's wrong with communal garden?

A couple of years ago, H and I were driving along, and I said to him 'wow - look at all the snow on the mountains'. He was a bit confused, and said that there was no snow on the mountains. I insisted there was, and that he needed his eyes checked if he couldn't see it, this kept going, me saying there was, him saying no, for a good 5 minutes before it dawned on him tht what I was talking about was a great big cloud...

5 years on he still brings that up.

When I was pregnant, and on holiday in Cornwall, I momentarily forgot what people from Cornwall were called and asked my H is they were known as "cornwegians"

I have no idea where that came from.

Not quite the same, but my daughter (2.5) told me that she had been at nursery and had done "Charlie new ear"

It took me a few goes to realise that she meant celebrating the start of the year of the Ox.

I think one of the stupidest things ive ever said was a few years ago when my friends and i were doing a car boot sale.

A guy came over and was looking at some flip flop type sandals. He was having trouble putting them on for size so i helped. He asked whether they were girls sandals and i told him "no, they arent - theyre bisexual!

I meant unisex!

P.s. If you are talking about your cervix its SER-vix, if youre talking about your spine (like a 'c' spine injury) its cer-VIE-cal

I don't get this one either. We had a communal garden when we lived in a flat, I'm sure of it!

My favourite was when H and I were having a discussion about world history and politics and he decided to tell me about when "we (the British) gave King Kong back to the Chinese". "I can't imagine they were very happy about that "was my response?

"communal garden" should be "common or garden". When I was about 8 I though that "if I was you" was actually "providing you". I also overheard my grandma and her friend discussing a visit to the opticians and how she'd be having bi-focals, only I thought she said "eye pokers".

My favourite though has to be my brother, when he was in his mid twenties my mum asked him if he'd be at home for Christmas or if he'd be spending it with his in-laws. "ummm, I'm not sure. When is Christmas this year?". He thought it varied like easter ?

Nothing if you are talking about a shared garden. If you mean something is very ordinary then common-or-garden is more often used ?.

MF - path of the course = par for the course - ie golf speak for normal/average/what you would expect.

Communal Garden is ok if you're talking about an actual communal garden, but I suspect Flowery is talking about the phrase 'Common or Garden', and 'path for the course' should be 'par for the course'.

I hope ?

Oh I get it now! Thanks.

1st is english, 2nd is american way of saying it. We have this problem in our office as one of my colleagues is american and I keep trying to get her to say everything the english way.

Aah this is a fab thread I am sat her laughing out loud and I think H has finally got used to the fact if I sat at the laptop laughing away I am reading a thread on hitched as he hasn't asked me why I am laughing.

i can't think of anything daft i've said though there must be many.

I really want to hear the semi skimmed milk cow story!

My ex, during her vegetarian days, was caught eating pepperoni pizza.

Friend: What are you eating?

Ex: Pepperoni pizza. It's my favourite - I have it all the time.

Friend: I thought you were a vegetarian?

Ex: (between mouthfuls) Yes.

Friend: So where do you think pepperoni comes from?

Ex: The pepperoni plant?

?

Maybe not super thick but certainly toe-curlingly embarrassing:

In a recent management meeting, I was passing around the agendas, etc before the meeting kicked off and infront of 4 directors and about 12 managers, I said "here are the updated company orgasms" instead of organograms - cue lots of giggling and me turning a bright shade of beetroot.....

I'v borrowed this from somewhere else, but it's still funny:

Small Boy: We were learning about our bodies at school today.

Mum: Really? What did you learn?

Small Boy: Men have penises, women have fat chinas.

?

This doesn't really belong in this thread, but this is a verbatim transcript of a recent chat with my autistic son:

Me: So what did you do in school today?

Lexi: Sunday, Monday, Thursday...

Me: Tuesday.

Lexi: Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday!

Me: And today is Wednesday, so what's tomorrow?

Lexi; Christmas!

Over-optimistic rather than thick, though - he's convinced himself that the snow means that Christmas is imminent.

I once said orgasms instead of organisms reading out text in biology at high school, god it was embarrassing

I'm normaly a lurker but had to reply....

Talking with H about politics...

Me: So theres the Labour party, the Conservatives and the Tories... Hang on the Conservatives and the Tories are the same party ar'nt they? They are called the Conservatories

H nearly wet himself laughing and i got in a huff and walked out the room

This is one of many... im quite proud of them now ?

I'm loving these!

Quite a few years ago someone at work was talking about a friend of theirs that had a Kit car. I was ever so impressed that they'd managed to get the car from Knight Rider! ?

And my 2.5 year old calls his wellies his 'willies' no matter how many times I correct him!

At work i

At work i was handing my asthmatic patient over to the night staff and said that she was2 hourly nebulisers and was staying in as may not make it through the night........everyone gasped...i meant she would need more medication over night not....not survive the night!

my daughter recited her Rainbows promise and then at the end said 'Arm in' i said do you mean Amen?

she also told me about her dinner lady at school was not going to be there again as she was 'really tired now' (Retired)

All the family round for the holidays and dad asks my brother to go to the chippy to get Dinner for everyone. Looking at the clock my dad points out he wishes he'd thought of it earlier as the chippy would be mobbed by now, brother pipes in oh its ok then ill just wait and go earlier!!

When I was about 9 or 10 I asked my mum 'When you go into labour do you meet Neil Kinnock?' ?

I'm guessing that 'communal garden' was supposed to be 'common or garden'

oops ? bit late. See why I hardly ever post?! Damned sloooooowband

When we were expecting number one child we were talking about how fast they learn and Mr P said:

"yes they update overnight don't they!"

I enquired where I was sticking the USB cable ?.

Not today (I'd have to go some to come across as more dopey than a 2 year old and a 12 week old) but a few years ago - I went into Greggs near my then work to buy lunch, and I saw the staff put a tray of raw sausage rolls in the oven - then only seconds later she came back, opened the oven and the sausage rolls were all cooked! I was amazed at this high speed oven that can cook raw sausage rolls in seconds, so much so I told H that night - who burst my bubble by saying did I not think there were maybe 2 shelves in there and the ones she took out had already been in the oven for ages?

Mind you, he doesn't get off Scott free either - we were playing Scrabble a while back (Rock n Roll eh) and I put down the word "Rely" and he said "what's that supposed to mean, Rellie?"

Back in the day, when I did martial arts, it was courtesy to refer to black belts as Mr/Mrs/Miss - which lead me to ask if Mr Lunt and Mr Oakland were twins. You'd think I would have worked it out from the names.

I'm sure there're others.

Looking at the pub menu:

Me: Ooh, steak and strawberries.

Him: Eewww.

Me: What? I thought you liked steak?

Him: Not with strawberries on it.

And when looking for a house I was reading the ads out to him. Describing the bathroom I said it had a 3 piece suite. He said how good it was of them to leave it but it was odd that it was in the bathroom. He thought I meant a sofa, lol!

My 16 year old son yesterday "What month is it next month?"

His sister "Well what month do you think it is?"

Son "Well, I know it's not January or December because we've just had those - but that still leaves me 10 to choose from, could be pretty much anything...."

Sister "What?"

Son "No, we're in Feburary now so that just leaves me 9 to choose from, still could be pretty much anything....."

He means it - he really doesn't know.......

I grew up on a Scottish island where navigation and boat skills are a compulsory part of the curriculum.... part of that involved rowing round the harbour in a dinghy and learning the correct comands to issue to the crew... one of which was 'toss your oars" which meant stand them vertically up or you'll bash them into the pier, the other command was "push off" .. gently push your oars against the pier so we can get going!! ..

except that during my assessment for my scotvec certificate in basic boat skills it was my turn to be 'captain' so with great authority, I stood up and shouted "everybody toss off"

I passed ?

When i was first in edinburgh walking along princes st with my fairly new boyfriend, there was a loud bang, i jumped and he said "thats the one o'clock gun going off at the castle" I said "what time does that go off then?"

And I never realised david blunkett was blind for about 2 years ?

I don't get this! Why did you say steak and strawberries? <dunce>