Can you beat my super thick comment of the day?

I'm guessing it was a 'meal deal' type thing where you get a main meal of a steak and a pudding of strawberries and the pub called it 'steak and strawberries'

I'm a veterinary nurse and H has been used to me hand-rearing abandoned kittens over the years, when our daughter was born H held her and remarked in surprised voice that her eyes were open. I asked what was wrong with that and he replied that he thought they didn't open until 10 days. I had to explain that that applied to kittens and pups.

In the pub for a rare night out and after a few drinks we were talking about the name 'Robin' I commented that I knew a girl called Robyn but she spelt it with a 'y', H said 'but wouldn't that be Yobin?'

It's like a meal deal thing. I thought it was a common thing? Maybe he's not as thick as I thought!

http://neatorama.cachefly.net/images/2008-08/steak-and-strawberries.jpg

I was taking my Aunties to the airport the other morning and she told me she had her Eurovision Health Card ?

My friend always thought we had 2 throat holes (one for food and one for liquid) because when people choke on food or drink etc they say "It went down the wrong hole"

My sisters friend was showing her some things that her husband had bought for her.They then sat and had a cup of coffee when suddenly her friend jumped up and said "Oh! Wait till I show you what else he got me!" My sister says "Who's Elsie?!"

I was telling same sister that my ex mother in law was in hospital in the coronary care unit.

Sister says "Corner of what unit?" ?

Same sister see's an incident invloving the police and tells us that the police had thrown an accordian round the building!

My sister is a cracker ?

When Mr Caterpillar and I had been together for 6 years, I asked him if I had known him for half my life yet. His answer - "Are you 12?" (I was...ummm... 26).

Now whenever we have an anniversary I ask him if I've known him for half my life yet.

My most stupid and embarrassing moment was when I still worked in the city. At the station I helped a blind man down the stairs to the train platform, he asked to be taken to the counter in the cafe. To be extra helpful I asked at the top of my voice in the cafe whether he would like me to get him a newspaper.

I'd let him off with this one - I've never heard of a steak and strawberries meal deal and a straw poll round my office reports back that no one else here has either!

I've been to the Fat Duck - a steak'n'strawberries combo holds no terrors for me.

Has he never had a diary or a calender? That's bizarre!

An ex work colleague of mine used to say "Chops away" and another one was "you're a mind of useless information"......

Actually, I sympathise - I'm trying to memorise Polish months right now, and they're very confusing. Especially as 'Listopad' means October in some Slavic languages and November in others!

I, until recently, thought that Ruby Murray's was a chain of curry houses. Some very kind people put me straight with only the minimum of laughter and pee taking.

? Loof.

I once believed that the first time you went through passport control in America they inserted a chip into you then could scan you the next time and know you were safe to enter.

? Yeah, sorry about that.

My worst ever comment was at 10 days overdue when pg with my daughter. We decided that sex was the only way to get the baby out and were just about to commence when I said "stop, wait, what about contraception?" ?

H x

Marley - your post is so funny! I would have thought it was a bit late for that ?

My H did say "bit late for that darling"!

Neither did I, untill I asked my husband why did he take his dog to work!!?

I can also remember asking my brother what speeds the three lanes on the motorway...

"what are the different speeds for the motorway lanes..."

"70 mph"

"Yes, I know thats the fast lane, but what speed is the middle and slow lane?"

"They are all 70!"

"Why is it called the fast, slow and middle lane then?"

"its NOT! how long have you been driving for"

"five years!!!"?

A few from me but not mine...

We were doing some decorating and discussing it with my little brother( over 20 ) my H asked my brother if he had a steady hand and he said 'i don't know ask my dad' - he thought it was a tool ?

My family went out with a woman who insisted on ordering a pepper steak with no pepper - she refused the suggestion from the waitress to just order a steak - nope she had to have it her way

And a family friend has a left handed son and told me he is *** handed ?

Whilst H was watching football and it came to a penalty shoot out I asked him if the score so far counted as otherwise it wouldn't be fair if one team had scored more goals than the other and it didn't count towards the final total.....

He just looked at me in astonishment that anyone could be so daft!

P had us in stitches last week with this one .

P: It was C's birthday today and he bought chocolate Lesbians to share in class

Me: What

P;Yeah you know those chocolate biscuits, can we get some?

Me: I don't think you mean Lesbians

P: (very adament) Yes I do

She meant Chocolate Leibnitz biscuits. ?.

? I love choco lesbians!

Years and years ago, I had this conversation with my mum, about my sister:

Mum: Look at her sitting there all calm and serene-like.

Me (confused look on small face): What do you mean? She's not wearing fruit on her head. I don't geddit.

In my child's mind, I had thought mum had said "Carmen Serene like" and thought she meant "Carmen Miranda like." Easy mistake to make, I reckon!

My mum telling me about a couple she knows where the mum is english and the dad is german. She said - "the mum always speaks to the children in english and the dad always speaks to them in german so they are bringing their children up to be bi sexual. Thats nice isn't it?"

Ahhh but if you order a pizza with "pepperoni" in Italy, you get one with sliced red pepper on it. As I found out to my immense disappointment.

A few years ago (not long after Saddam Hussein was executed), I was in work when there was a huge racket outside, a procession going up the street with chanting, banner carrying and men hitting themselves with chains. I asked what was going on and my colleague said that it was a Muslim march to commemorate the death of Hussein, the grandson of the prohet.

I didn't quite catch the second bit and asked 'Oh really, was he killed before or after Sadam Hussein died?'

...Not realising that he'd have to be pretty old to be killed 'recently' if he was the grandson of the Prophet Mohammed.

I was observing a trainee teacher who was doing a lesson on facts and opinions. She'd taken a list of statements from various sources and was projecting them on to the board and asking the year 10 class (14/15yo) to say if each one was a fact or an opinion. Imagine the hilarity when the following appeared on the screen and was read out by the teacher: "It may seem difficult at first, but will be easy to swallow when it comes."

?

? That's just soooo funny. I just had to tell my H. It's the sort of thing he'd probably say.

Thank you Evil Yoda - I thought exactly the same thing! They are similar looking really aren't they! And I still have no idea who Kim Kardishian actually is!

Out for lunch the other day with my dept, and one of the women i work with said ''when you have couscous, is it just like rice or is it the actual animal?''

We asked what animal she was talking about, and she said ''you know, couscous the animal!''

i explained that couscous is like a kind of pasta, and still haven't worked out what animal she thinks is a couscous

I was in bed a few mornings ago a nd mrsnick called up to me "i hope youre not wanking like that Ronan bloke"

I said what? she said you know, that guy in the bible, ronan, he wanked a lot. in amongst the laughter i said i think you mean ONAN ??

her: fuck off

?