Hi all,
Something seriously playing on my mind. I have three brothers, the eldest and youngest of whom are 3 years either side of my age. I've been close to all of them at different stages. One through my enitre life who we hang out socially with, the youngest the past 10 years who we hang out with socially with, and the eldest who i was close to for a about 2/3years but that was over 10 years ago. Don't get me wrong, we see all of them weekly as a whole family as well but two we see socially and consider friends.
The eldest got married last year and the attitude between him and his now wife has stunk for ages; doesn't fit in with the family just their way, their opinion, do not give any interest in anyone else and if they do it seems so forced and they don't know what to do.
Me and OH wanted to ask 2 of my brothers to be ushers, but were of the mind you can't ask two and not the third. So we thought we'd ask all three, what difference would an extra make, but we'd do it without the wife in earshot (as she's the only person not with a role and she wont have one). Weeks passed, and we said we'd never get eldest Bro without the wife, so we'll ask with her there.
So last night OH asked, two of them had big smiles and I could tell were touched in their manly way without giving anything away. But wife then pops up with something about the ushers at the wedding she was at the other day, completly butted in and ruined it, moment passed. But doesn't matter as eldest Bro is on his phone and doesn't give any reaction to being asked anyway. He's not young btw, he'll be 30 when we're married next year.
Rest of the evening progresses, moment completly passed. Everyone asks us Qs except them, they only pipe up when there's something they can relate to their wedding or wedding experiences and this is how they did it. It's always been like that, they just say their ideas and no Qs themselves. It's just now it's in a wedding setting and really bugging me, as it's our day now, we're excited, and they just turn it around.
I came away so crushingly disappointed in them, and so annoyed that they're oblivious and sad that i'm so disappointed in my own family and am considering revoking the eldest Bros usher role. But there was no interest, there will be none, and i'm so upset by it. Yet, if i ask him not to bother then i'll just feel so guilty, and it could fracture relationships that arn't great but could be unnecessary to risk it.
I am justified to revoke or should i put up with him as it keeps the family looking whole - here's the bride with all three of her brother ushers. Has anyone revoked before? I'm so confused, but they've always bothered me this way but now it's so much more personal as it's a wedding.
