cant help but feel a lil p###ed off with bestman!!!

Your deffo not out of order!!

i know how it feels at my first wedding some strangers who were having a meal in our hotel decided to come into our eve reception cos they got talking to our friends then went and popped the question!! i was so angry cos we didnt even know the people!!

This is def one that everyone will have their own opinions on. Not had to confront this issue myself, I don't know how I'd feel about something like this happening on our day but I definatley wouldn't be keen on it being during the speeches on the mic like that!

Regardless of people's personal views, he asked you, you said no. He should leave it at that. Is there a risk he will just do it anyway?!

No I don't think you are out of order. I think I would feel the same.

Of all the options he could have chosen for a nice proposal he chooses your wedding day?! I would have reacted exactly the way as you. Tell him to stop being a baby and get some imagination!

It's your day, it's to celebrate your marriage not someone elses engagement! You've not overreacted, I'd have been the same xx

I think I would of reacted the same way too..

Thanks guys just as i was sat thinking about it i didnt know if i was a complete b####!

Nutella-i am a lil worried about this but if he doesnt stop going on about it, we will have to have a stern word-if it makes a difference! think wil also get oh to have a proper word just them 2 and tell him my reasons as to why!! x

Definitely not overreacting or out of order!

Putting a different perspective on it, if OH was Best Man and proposed during the speeches, then I'd be mortified!

I would have been mortified if OH had proposed to me at someone else's wedding, and on a microphone! Tell BM to use his imagination (and pay for the occasion himself!). Talk about riding on someone else's coat tails!

That's awful!! I would react in the exact same way!! I'd also be mortified if my other half had proposed to me at someone else's wedding!!!

If I was his OH I'd be annoyed that he'd asked me so publicly and at someone elses weddings, not special just for us.

Maybe your OH could speak to the BM and put it to him this way 'Hey mate, wouldnt L be a bit peeved at you not doing a special proposal just the two of you? Book a trip to Paris or something I would. Women are funny like that arent they?'

If he keeps going on, then just tell him that if he hasn't proposed before your wedding, you will tell his gf what he has planned...

Or is that a bit mean?!

I would feel the same as you, it's your big day, and I think it's a pretty rubbish proposal anyway. I personally hate public proposals, and I don't know how big a wedding you're having but I can't imagine anything worse than being proposed to in front of all those people (most of whom I assume don't really know or care about them, since it's your family and not his/his girlfriend's?)

You're definitely not overreacting. I agree with all the other comments wholeheartedly! You and your OH need to make it perfectly clear that he can't spoil your big day and that if he goes ahead and does it anyway, there will be hell to pay. I quite like Bridenurse2B's idea of threatening to tell BM's OH!

You are no way out of order! I would be the same, maybe even worse!! x

If it were me, I think I'd be ok with it *if* and only if I'd been warned/asked. I wouldn't like something like that to happen by surprise on a day I have spent a lot of time planning!

However, as you have been asked and you have said no, the BM should drop it. It's rude to pursue it any further. Like others have said, there are many other thoughtful and special ways he can propose, your wedding doesn't have to be it!

Completely agree, that's a very selfish thing to do, especially when he knows how you feel about it. If he's a true friend of OH, I would think he'd respect your wishes, if he still wants to do it, I'd be wondering whether I actually wanted him to be at my wedding, let alone as BM.

Fricken hell id be funming...you have spent so much money on making this your special day ..you are certainly not out of order id be acting worse than you. dont let him ruin your day. x

Just to echo what all the other hitchers have said!

If I was in your situation I'd be so angry and upset that the BM was stealing our thunder and if I was in 'L's' situation I'd feel awful for 2 reasons 1 that my OH had done that to a bride and groom and not thought about what that would mean to them at all and 2 that my 'spectacular' engagement was a tag on of a speech at someone else's wedding...not really romantic if you ask me(!)

Sorry if someone else has asked this but how does your OH feel? Does he mind or is he on the 'side' of his right hand man?

Missy lou, we havent really had chance to talk about it as he is currently on route home from old trafford with the BM and a few others! he seems to be on my sid ethough suppose i will know more when he gets home!! im sure it will be our topic for the evening!!

In all honestly i think L would be mortified!! she isnt a public kind of person they have been dating 5 years and she has only just started to talk at a normal level and not whisper in fornt of me let alone all my family!!

Thanks though guys u have made me feel tuns better!x

WOW a few things came to mind...

1. why would he want to propose at YOUR wedding
2. his OH will be mortified!! (well i would be)
3. surely he can think of a more romantic way of asking her
4. if you said no he should respect that, no question
5. i'd be a tad worried after a few drinks he may do it anyway so i'd make sure you made it crystal clear!
6. OH should say something...i would make it more about how she will hate it and that it's not a good way to propose etc rather than you said no
7. fingers crossed it's one of those silly ideas blokes come up with sometimes!!

x

Spoiling your big day aside, that's pretty sad if after 5 years he doesn't know her well enough to know it wouldn't be what she would want... Really hope your OH manages to talk him out of it!

I'm going to have to disagree here and say that I'd be more than OK if the Best Man wanted to do that at my wedding, but I suppose its each to their own. I'm looking at my wedding day as a way to celebrate love and have all of our family and friends in one place having a really good time, rather than it be 'all about us' . Although I would never want to be proposed to in public, I do like surprise proposals and what's more surprising than at someone else's wedding?!

I think it was big of him to actually ask you, I know a lot of people would've just done it and not given a second thought, but because he's asked your permission I think you should go a little easier on him, just explain our objection in a nice way and if he's a proper mate he will take your feelings into account and not feel bad towards you as well.

Yeah but that's the point, he's kicking off about it when he was told he couldn't do it!

It sounds like both parties have acted abruptly, I don't blame either, really. Give him some cooling off time (a day or two) and then tell him that you're sorry if you've offended him but you really aren't ok with him proposing at your 'do. Tell him you both really want him there and highlight all the other more romantic and amazing ways he could propose. You shouldn't let all of this come between you, you just need to be level headed about it,.

OH has texted and asked if BM can come in for a beer and to sort it out, to which i replied yes i think its a very good idea!

Im no longer het up thanks to you guys and im sure we will be ok, although he wnt b havin no beer till we have sorted it haha xx

That's great - probably the best way to sort it out with no misunderstandings.

Also, you might be able to nudge him towards realising that his OH probably wouldn't like to be proposed to so publicly!

Fingers crossed you manage to sort it! I agree with what Mrs*W*2b said though, try and talk him out of it not because of your objections but because his OH (as it sounds) is going to hate being proposed to like that!

I just asked my OH how he would feel if his BM wanted to do that. I should add my OH isn't bothered about much to do with the wedding (not in a bad way just in a he's happy for me to plan everything) and isn't easily phased, he's pretty laid back about most things, in fact so much so he's almost horizontal and his words were "I'd be jumping!" lol

Good luck Sammi x

Quick update....

went well, said he didnt think it through properly i added tht L would hate it and after a while he came round to the idea. thank god!!

He is going to ask her whilst there on holiday which i think is much nicer! x

I think that's much nicer too! And bit cheeky of the best man to keep going on about it after you had already said no, glad he has backed down!

A girl I know was maid of honour for her friend, and her boyf was the groom's best man - he arranged it beforehand so that the bride threw her bouquet to be caught by MOH and then he proposed in front of all the bride and groom's friends and family. Clearly the bride and groom didn't mind as they said yes and helped him plan it, but I think it gave my friend a taste for upstaging, because then she booked her wedding the day before mine! I just think something like that is really tacky tbh and shows no class and no imagination.

This actually happened at my first wedding.

My then H was in a band and his bandmate chose our reception to announce he had proposed to his then GF that morning and she had said yes.

I was LIVID!!

Of all the places to do it (they had been together 8 years at that point) they announced it on our day.

Totally lacking in class and imagination!

I would be a little sneaky and tell him you are sorry for recacting badly but you don't think its a good idea because A- its your day, the one day in your LIFE where the attention is on you! and B- everyone feels loved up at weddings, his girlfriend deserves a propper proposal not one that is riding on the emotion of the day (your day!) Are you out of order?? NO! can't believe he even asked you! i would be furious!