Changing your name - What are you doing/what did you do????

I'm taking my OH's surname xxx

I was really torn on this too, I dont know if it is because I am a bit older and have had my name for longer but its my name and I rather like it and didnt want to give it up but i did also want to be Mrs.......... OH really doesnt like double barrelling unloess it is a family traditio or something like that he is very vocal about the fact he feels it is a bit pretentious and can seem like people are doing it for status and to try to seem posher (I think this is just his experience of peope that have but hey ho) and to be honest our names dont double barrell well and would sound really pretentious so i didnt want that either. I am taking his name (although i havent actually changed it on anything yet must get on with it) but for the time being i am keeping my maiden name at work,for 2 reasons, for the job I do it is easier and people kow my by this name and i nhave to network a lot and I secretly quite like keeping a bit of my own identity i think if I change jobs tho I wold change my name at work too.

I don't know if this is something you'd like, but when some friends of mine got married she took his surname (the traditional way) but then they both changed their names by deed poll to take her original surname as a second middle name.

Oh here we go again....

Yes you should, in my opinion, take his name. If he is "good enough" to be your husband then why isnt he "good enough" for you to take his name..?

I was planning on doing that as I don't currently have a middle name but then I thought it would confuse people and they would think I was double-barelling and I can't be bothered, so I'm thinking now I'll completely dropping my maiden name and take OH's surname.

I knwo we've said this before but I just hate that his ex is still Mrs .......

I am also taking my OH's name. My maiden name is Romanian. When i got married first time I took my ex's surname who was... Italian and first 3 letters were identical to my maiden name. My ex was born in UK and so was his Dad but his paternal grandparents had been Italian. When we divorced I kept my ex's surname as it was easier and cheaper and also just as bad pronounciation-wise as my maiden name so i saw no point in changing. But now i will finally have an English name and also I just felt I wanted to be Mrs O... Ireally would feel more "his", i don't know... it's strange! LOL

I am sorry if my posts are annoying to you, i was just trying to start a conversation.

I also wanted to find out if there were others in similar situations to myself. I dont think you quite understood what I said - I am not saying he isnt 'good enough' for me to take his name I am saying I dont want to lose my identity. I am adopted and feel I have only just found it. Maybe you would understand if you were adopted!

I'm not changing my name.

I want to have the same name as my son (from a previous relationship), so will be keeping my surname. I fought very hard to get my sons name changed from his sperm donors, and I don't intent to change it again.

My OH is fine with this, as it's just a name. Me not taking his name doesn't make us any less married.

Thank you to those who have replied and not made out I am annoying them and thank you ajdown for your suggestion, it's a good one.

My OH IS adopted actually!!!

and is no way at all hung up about it.. as, like you, he was adopted as a young child so now an adult has matured and "got over" it...

I've done similar to Naboo and kept my maiden name at work. I have lots of business cards with my maiden name to give out still and I didn't want my company having to pay out to print more and inform all clients of my name / email change. Easier all round for them and I maintain the use of my old name for a bit longer!

It takes a lot of getting used to changing your name. I had to sign a medical form at Center Parcs yesterday. Printed *Firstname Newsurname*, signed *Oldsurname* so nearly 9 months down the line I'm still adjusting!

First part: Not done nowadays? I think it's increasingly common to double-barrel or keep a maiden name.

Second part: Women should take the man's name? This alone would be enough to make me dig my heels in (although to be honest, this type of sexist approach may have caused other problems before marriage was even dreamt of).

I feel the same... but I'm also being far more bitchy than you. I want to keep my name as it is unusual and I tend to be called my it. Well, my full name as opposed to just my surname. I always assumed I would take h2b's name. But I hate it. It's boring and common (as in lots of) and I don't want it. It ages me and I hate it. I considered double barrelling, but the names don't go. I will probably take it, but I am not very happy about it. I don't want to be one of millions of this name, when I was only one of 3 before. I know that makes me sound like a terrible person, but there we go. Do what is best for you. If you want to keep your name, it's no-one else's business, and KBS or whatever was extremely rude to talk to you like that.

I ordered 5000 new business cards in my maiden name a few months ago so think i would be strung up if i changed my name now lol!!

I havent got a signature for my new surname yet, completely didnt think of it and now need one before I can change my name on some stuff, oops!!

The OP asked for opinions.. I gave my opinion...I dont particularly like yours but thats YOUR opinion and I appreciate and understand that people have different views on issues... or is it one sided that the OP can only like ones opinion if it agrees with her??!!

My surname has a lot of negativity attached, so I cannot wait to ditch it.
However, if it was a name I loved and didn't want to lose then I would double barrel it. If people think it's pretentious then that's up to them. I wouldn't care for the opinions of others who don't know the reason. Simple.

If my OH was being the way yours is about it I would definitely tell him to like it, or lump it. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you have to give up something that is important to you. Give and take really!

In many countries when a woman gets married she doesn't take on the man's name. She keeps her name, then the children have both (their children then carry forward their grandfather's name). This is true of Spain, Mexico and many other countries.

I know that many Muslim countries a similar thing happens (the wife does not take the husband's name).

I know that we are not Spain, Mexico or Pakistan, but I am just saying that women taking the husband's name is not a global tradition.

Regarding this country, your own name and the traditions here... it is up to you. Most women take their husband's name in this country but I do not think it should be assumed. Nor do I think that it means that you are "not good enough for him". I think that there is a lot more about marriage than a name-change.

I thought long and hard about it and decided that I will change my name because I think it is sweet (I like the idea of being Mr and Mrs D) it will be nice for us all to have the same name if we have kids and I like his name better than mine.

We got married on 16th April and i'm in the process of changing everything over into the husband's surname, i have no issues with taking his name, but did feel a little odd over the name change thing as i did like my surname. I've been married once before and so for us, we felt it was a way of moving on and no longer being in some way still related/connected to my previous marriage. My daughter is keeping her surname, but had asked about changing it, although we have suggested she waits until she's 16 or 18.

I dislike double barrelled surnames as i do think it makes people sound as though they think they are better or posher than other people, but that's just my opinion.

I think if you wish to keep your current surname then do so, if i felt that strongly about it, then i would do it too. You do need to both compromise and agree on it though as it may end up causing problems later if you don't settle it. Especially if you go onto having children.

Excuse me for needing more time to 'get over it'!!!! If my posts annoy you so much - dont post - simple

Ooo your OH wouldn't like us then! ? I'm taking Mr Kooks name... and it's already double-barrelled!

My maiden name isn't a nice one and I won't be sorry to see it go, it's clunky and needs spelling all the time - Mr Kooks' is much nicer!

To take this further, in Quebec a woman actually cannot change her name to her husband's name when she gets married. I think there is some way for it to be done, but I gather it's a long process and in any case it's not an automatic legal right to do it like it is in the UK. I think this is maybe why i'm relaxed about the whole thing, because I expected to stay in Montreal and marry there and my wife wouldn't have had my name if that had happened.

I find this comment a bit silly - my OH already has a double barrelled name. So in your eyes we think we're better and posher?!

I know that in the US the wife has to change her name by deed poll after she gets married if she wants her husband's name (I know this from watching Friends).

Ok first of all the OP is called Em, I have feelings and I do exist and second of all no its not a case of the above at all!!!! But the way KBS originally answered was RUDE and UNCALLED for, there are other ways to reply that are much politer!

I personally cant wait to dump my maiden name and be a proud "wearer" of Mrs H !!

I dont see why people dont take their OHs name TBH - and on the whole 'finding your identity' you will have a new identity - you'll be a wifey! I cant wait to show off my new identity with a new name!

Ok... you "exist" but did you pull up Baroness about calling me a WHATEVER??? Do I not exist as a person with her own opinions and views... Hmmmm didnt think so!

Alrite lovie, calm down. its just an opinion after all

The 'whatever' was pretty harsh and childish! We are all adults on here ladies!

(I hope so otherwise you cant legally get married!)

Is it Bin Laden?

mmmm ?

***takes them back and hands out valium***

Em, sorry if I sound rude/out of order/whatever but what is your Husband bringing to this marriage? You have already said that you have told him that your children will be christened even though he doesn't follow a religion and now he doesn't get a say in what names you have.