Children not invited

Yes and I don't know. Yet. LOL

We are not inviting children due to restricted space and budget. The only person who is bringing her child is my MOH as her boy will be 15 months old by the time I get married and I told her that if it makes her feel better to have him with her she can bring him, but guests have been politely told on our wedding website. No problems yet.

I've got two children myself so i'm having children at the wedding. But if a lot of your guests have children they might struggle to find babysitters ect but if not then it shouldn't really be a problem, Best of luck x

This is one of the ongoing debates on here, and there really is no right or wrong answer. I initially thought we'd just have our two little nieces but I'm not really bothered if guests want to bring their children

We made a decision not to invite children for a few reasons.....only one couple has had a problem with that and have decided not to come. But we are still on good terms and it certainly hasn't caused a problem.

We are only inviting children of family members and those that are breastfeeding. No-one with an issue so far but then we are also staying fairly local so there are plenty of grandparents on tap for babysitting...!

We are only inviting my cosuins (the youngest one will be 12 so not really a small child), and my 2 step nephews and my nephew who will be 3.

I have had to do this due to number restrictions, and although invites have not gone out yet, same thing happened with brothers wedding 3 years back and again no problems

x

My nephew is 1yr old and my sister is pregnant again. As she's my bridesmaid and Alfie will be a diddy usher, I will be inviting children. My cousin has two boys and my best friend has a baby - I wouldn't want the people who are most important to me to not be able to come because I have said no kids. I can understand why people might not want them though x

Although we are allowing children (and by that I mean 0-16) along, not many people we're inviting have (particularly small) children so it isn't a huge issue, although I can see why people don't invite children. When we put our invite list together we did make a note of

For the most part, weddings are not 'child friendly' events, with lots of alcohol, lots of times where sitting still and quiet is required such as ceremony and speeches, so you either have to take the risk of disruption (and let's face it, most parents think their child making a noise at any time is the cutest thing in the world) or spend out extra money on providing entertainment (which is really the parent's job at all times anyway but it's surprising how many don't feel that way when it's party time). Older children are probably happy to sit in the corner and play with their DS or mobile phone - but they'd probably do that anyway even if you went to the effort of providing childrens entertainment because that's what they do these days.

Our venue offers a childrens menu, which for older children is a half size portion of the main meal, or for younger ones a chicken nuggets and chips/jelly and ice cream kinda meal. But many don't, so you might end up paying out £50 for food that a child isn't going to eat or like. That's before worrying about most people having nothing but wine on the table during the wedding breakfast, of course.

I do feel that if people get stroppy because their children aren't invited then refuse to come, that's not your problem, it's theirs. Do they never go out of an evening without their children the rest of the year? Personally it wouldn't worry me if people wouldn't come because their children weren't invited.

It's the same issue as "plus one" particularly for people like work colleagues where you don't even know their partner - some do, some don't.

At the end of the day ... it's your wedding, your choice, so there is no real 'wrong answer' to the question as you can invite whoever you like and not invite whoever you don't want there, whether it's friends, family, partners or the couple that were in the hotel room next to you on your family holiday in 1978 that your parents still swap christmas cards with.

We never actually mentioned it on invites or otherwise until a cousin emailed me asking if she could bring her kids and how they would be good as gold etc etc etc I replied that if we said Yes, everyone else would then complain as they didnt bring theirs (theres LOADS of little uns in our family and many relatives couldnt come due to baby sitting issues)

However, my mother had allowed a cousin to bring her children - to the ceremony and to the evening reception - telling me they would be good as gold and they were infact wee shytes, getting in the way.

The aforementioned cousin has not spoken to me since.

The only children we're inviting are the H2Bs neice and nephew, who we've asked to be flower girl and page boy. We'd never be forgiven if the weren't invited, besides they count as close family.

Otherwise, children aren't invited. Admittedly there aren't LOADS of children associated with our guest list but we're trying to keep our numbers down and we wouldn't want to not invite some dear friends in order to invite children that probably won't enjoy the day anyways.

The neice and nephew are deliberately being involved in the ceremony to keep them occupied and the H2Bs sister and BIL will be staying at the venue so they can always go for a lie down if they get overtired (the littleuns not the sister and BIL!!!)

Having said this all to my friend, she then announced that she is pregnant again and the new bubba will be 3 months old. At her suggestion, she's going to get her mum (fortunately she lives close by) to do her babysitting in the hotel room sending her a text when bubba needs a feed! There are ways and means!

We've decided not to have children at our wedding. There's a few reasons - mainly because none of our immediate family have children anyway. Some of my close friends do (in fact two aren't even born yet!) but there aren't many plus they will all be v young (under 2!) and the kind of wedding we're having really isn't going to be that child friendly. So I've already told most of them we're not having children there and they are fine with it. I've given them plenty of notice (over a year!) so they can sort babysitters etc. I suppose I'm lucky but if one of them felt they couldn't come because of that it would be a shame but I couldn't back down or the reception would end up looking like a nursery! I think it all depends on what kind of wedding you want. I went to one that was centred around children as there was so many in the family - me and h2b were probably the only ones there without a child! It was lovely though but there wasn't any alcohol (unless you want to buy some) and it finished at 6pm - nothing wrong with that at all - I suppose it was better to do it that way because of the young kids.

We have got children attending our wedding but only close people with children ie my god daughters, Nephew, H2B two little cousins and my best friends 2 children. Although a lot of my friends do have children, we have made it clear by putting the children's names on the invites if they are invited. otherwise it is just 'so and so and partner'. We have a total of 9 children at our wedding breakfast ranging from 1-11. To be honest nobody as yet has complained, more to the point the ones with children have said "Ooh a full day without them!" I think people should understand and if they don't, tough! It's your wedding and financially if you cannot invite children then you shouldn't be made to feel bad about it.That's my opinion anyway

It's not just financial restraints that cause problems - if your venue isn't quite large enough, then you have to choose between inviting all of your adult friends, or children. One of my friends has 5 children, several of my b2b's friends have 3 or 4, and although we're lucky that our venue will theoretically hold 250 (although it'd be quite cosy and far too many people for our needs as we have 1/3 of the area required for a dance floor) not everyone has that - either by choice or budget restrictions.

Given a choice between 50 friends and 30 friends plus their 20 kids, I know which I'd choose any day.

I have to say that this subject is a bit of a bug bear with me. The majority of posts tend to go with the 'we're not having kids...they can get in the way/spoil the wedding' sort of thing. Admitedly, before I had children, I would probably have been of the same view and would only have invited close family's children. However, I know that to not invite children can mean a lot of soul searching has to be done by some parents and risk offending the bride and groom. A lot of people can't get child care for a whole day for various reasons; not everyone has family or friends living close by to babysit and to hire a babysitter for the day would cost a small fortune (approx £6-£10 ph!)! It annoys me when b2b get 'offended' when guests can't come because their kids aren't invited. Please remember it's hardly ever a case of 'if they're not invited then i'm not going', it's usually the logistics of it which cause them to decline. I can quite understand that often number/budget constraints can be a factor when deciding if children come or not, but please don't take it personally if people have to decline as a result.

We had about 16 children at our wedding...the majority being under 3. As we have a 2 yr old daughter and we had a joint wedding/Christening, it would have been a bit weird to say 'no kids'. We provided activity bags for the under 10's for in the church and they went down well. There was a bit of chatting and laughing (didn't hear any crying!) throughout the services, but it just added to the lovely atmosphere. In fact, so many people, including the vicar, said it was the nicest, happiest most relaxed service they had been to and I think that was, in part, due to the children. We also hired a creche for 3 hours (only cost about £65) which was fantastic and all the children decamped there after the meal and had a great time and the parents appreciated the break. All the children were lovely and extremely well behaved and during the meal we hardly noticed there were any there. Again, quite a few people (without children) said they were a bit shocked by the amount of kids in the church, but were pleasantly surprised and very impressed by their good behaviour.

I think there's a lot of stigma attached to children attending weddings and a lot of the time it's unjustified. Yes, there are a lot of badly behaved children who can spoil it for others, but I think you've got to look to the parents for responsibility. Please don't tar them all with the same brush. Not all parents relinquish responsibility of their children when at parties - shame on them if they do, and if the parents are bad mannered and rude enough to adopt that kind of parenting, do you really want them at your wedding?

Sorry to rant!! Just wanted to try and put across the other side of the story and point out that children can often enhance your special day, not spoil it.

It shouldn't be though, unless the wedding is miles from home.

There's no reason children shouldn't go along to the wedding with their parents (space permitting) on the understanding that noise = take it outside immediately.

Then, parents can accept the evening do only, get there at say 7pm and be home by 10pm. 3 hours of babysitting isn't that expensive surely? They've been able to enjoy part of the evening, without their children, for a couple of hours of socialising, congratulating and dancing, before going home.

Alternatively, one partner could stay home and look after the kids whilst the other one goes to the evening do.

It's just like "partners of work colleagues" or putting "plus guest" on invitations. Nobody seems to be particularly bothered if a work colleague's partner isn't invited to a wedding, so why should the issue of kids be such a hot potato?

Whilst I accept that some parents are responsible enough to keep their children entertained, ensure they do not disrupt proceedings or get in the way running around (or get into danger, particularly if there is an open door to the outside and there's a road, pond or river nearby)... the simple fact is that many seem to think their children become someone else's problem when they want to have a night out.

This is why the 'least bad' option seems to be no children, unless you know the people well enough to trust them to be good parents all day and not spoil your day.

Hi Blueso, we're not having kids at the wedding. The main reason is that none of our close family have kids anyway and friends-wise my OH is very 'all or nothing' - he thinks that allowing some friends' children and not others is what would cause upset and we can't stretch to having everyone's kids there!

As for problems, none so far... We thought the parents of OH's godchildren would be really upset but they just said it's our day. Other friends with kids seem to be looking forward to a night out as a couple!

Good luck with whatever you decide

Kids are welcome at ours and having been a nanny for 8 years there will be lots, aswell as family members.. I have about 35 on my guestlist last count. They'll be well entertained though and most are well behaved so can't see it 'ruining' my day at all.

We have children coming to our wedding. For us I can't think of anything better than to spend the day with the 'whole' family; children included. Each to their own but I'm from a young family and it just wouldn't be the same for us without them.

There won't be a huge amount under 5 tbh but we are thinking of having activity packs etc to keep them entertained during the speeches etc, and are thinking of getting some sort of child friendly entertainment, as well as some other fun things for the kiddies.

I agree with Clare247's OH about this. It's not that we don't love our friends children, but we couldn't have everyones children there, it's a space thing more than anything else. It's easier to say no to any children than to cherry pick and offend some of our nearest and dearest.

We have got about 20 kids coming as well, what have you got planned for the entertainment? we are having a balloon modeller/ magician for reception drinks but not sure what else to do x

I think its 'each to their own'. We are having 11 children and are using one of the venues room for a child area, where we will have giant Jenga, connect 4 and activity packs/colouring etc for if they get bored during the day. We have had to limit the amount of children we have invited due to space restrictions and only having 80 in the day, so have minimised it to close families children and some friends. It is a tough one, as i'm a teacher and would love to have all my friends children there if we could.

Good luck with whatever you decide

I'm only having children of the wedding party, no more. Our venue is quite small so if we invited all the children we'd lose nearly a quarter of our seats to children and have to leave out people who we really want there. The people who I have spoken to so far have been absolutely fine about it with the exception of 1, but that 1 was pregnant at the time with her first baby and now I think she'll be happy to have a sitter for the day (given she's my CBM too!!). I haven't sent out invitations yet but I'll be putting this note on:

Please note: we have decided to restrict child invitations to the bridal party only. We hope that those of you with children will not be offended, and will use this as an excuse to hire a babysitter and let your hair down!

Hopefully people will take it as intended and not take offence.

Hi Blueso

The only children that are coming to our wedding are immediate family, such as our boys, and our sisters kids, 10 in total, other have kindly said they are not bringing theirs, many for their own reasons like stopping over and drinking....so its worked out nicely...

Sarah

In our venue, we get an extra room which is pretty large so I was thinking of whacking a bouncy castle in there, a table for colouring (Pencils only!), a load of blow up guitars, microphones etc and maybe large Jenga. Aswell as this, when the kids have to sit at the table during the speeches, meal etc, they will have an activity bag each to keep them occupied.

We aren't having children at our wedding for several reasons. Our jobs involve working with children (me especially) and after seeing them day in day out, I want a child free day, and I think this is fair enough. So far my friends with kids have loved the thought of having a night off which is great. I want my friends to enjoy themselves without leaving early, not being able to have a drink and spending their time entertaining their kids.

We did go to one wedding where a child latched on to H2B and we felt like unpaid babysitters, it got really annoying as we wanted to spend time together not look after someone elses child so the parents could have a good time! Also, I never understand it when people look horrified at the idea of not hasving children at a wedding and say 'But children make a wedding'. No, the bride and groom make a wedding.

Some good ideas , we dont have a seperate room but like the colouring ideas and activity pack xx