Churches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dont get me started about churches...I'll only cause untold offence!

I gather you feel like I do about them at the minute ?

Might be an element of the fact that lots of couples (and their guests) who get married in churches never step foot in them either before or after their wedding.

Sorry, controversial I know, and I'm by no means assuming that applies to you but my parents are church stewards and part of their (voluntary) job as stewards is to open up and be there for wedding services etc - they had one couple in the Summer who's guests got changed in the toilets before the service (apparently had travelled a long way) and pretty much trashed the place.

Again, I'll reitterate I'm not accusing anyone of anything but there is definitely an element of this at least in my experience of the church that my family go to.

Perhaps you could elaborate on why your particular church/vicar is being difficult

I have to admit Catherine - Im also with you on the why would people get married in a church if they dont go! Another bug bear of mine!

I know what you mean but the church is being particularly awkwards as we can maybe only get there once or twice a month. We are both public sector workers and we both have to work weekends. They want us to be thre every sunday for the next 6 months before they even consider us getting married there as in their eyes we do no go regularly enough. Trying to explain to them that we work and have to work sundays, nights etc they don't seem to understand or want to accept.

I agree with this. Unfortunately it is a fact these days that there are lots of couples that only want to get married in a church to have the types of pictures they want, or because they just feel it is 'the done thing' and often it has nothing to do with their religion or wanting to say their vows in front of God. Obviously it's each couple to their own, but me and my H2B are not religious and therefore just wouldn't get married in a church.

I think that has a lot to do with why churches often set out a lot of particular rules or requirements about marrying people there, and to be fair I can see their point!

Fair point. It's just all a bit of a nightmare at the minute but I'm sure we will get there

Hello everyone, I haven't been on for a while as things have been quite hectic.

I too have a thing with people getting married in churches when they don't attend but I don't think that seems to be the case for victoria1982. I know that when I get married I'm going to be faced with a real dilema as my sister got married in church and my mum is quite religious and attends church nearly every week, however, I'm not really that convinced by the whole church thing and don't really feel like I should be (or want to get) married in a church.

victoria1982 I'm sorry your church are not very understanding about you not being able to get to the Sunday service every week, but as you don't seem too bothered by the thought of actually going to church have you thought about getting involved in other ways?

I know the church where my sister got married has services nearly every day of the week. I think there is a short half hour service at about 7am and another one at 6pm in the evening on week nights, perhaps these might fit in better with your work schedule and shifts? Also it's coming up to a busy time of year for churches - think Christmas - and maybe you could volunteer to help at the Christmas Fair if they have one or help out with the Christingle service etc.

Not sure if these ideas would work for you but they would show your commitment to the church in my opinion.

HTH Susan x.

Thanks Susan. I will talk to them and see what they say. It is hard with the jobs we do as our shifts change on a week on week basic (kevin my partner is a paramedic and I am a civil servant. I do a lot of their training so I never know from one week to the next where I will be). We have said we are going to go in and talk to them to see if we can do tio sort this out. If not then we may just go down the route of a nice country house somewhere. Thanks for your advice

Vicky x

I have struggled with the churches as well! Not quite for the same reason really but they have certainly been awkward! Our church, which we go to, is being redeveloped so when we get married it will be mid consrtuction works, its only a small church and they are building a extension down the whole of one side of the church and out the front, so there will be 1-2 walls knocked out and scaffolding round the church etc, and as we are getting married on a weekday its likely works will be in mid flow! So we obivously didnt want to get married in a building site so tried approaching other churches which was a nightmare! No one would let us get married in there church even though we go to church! I tried explaining that it was the same religion and same god and belief even if your 5 miles up the road but apparently thats not good enough, so now, even though we are catholics, we are getting married in a church of england church as no other catholic church would entertain the idea of marrying us! Its been a nightmare!

Sorry, that turned into a rant of my own!

Hope you get something sorted though! I think the idea of voluteering is a really good one!

Like some of the others I also have an issue with people getting married in churches that don't actually go to church but I'll say no more on that.

victoria, sounds like the church is being a bit unreasonable with you especially when you have mentioned the reason why you can't come every week - which is a very good reason BTW!!!! This type of behaviour is another reason why I have issues with churches!!!!

Hope you managed to get something sorted though - maybe they'll do a mid-week service or something that would suit you both. Good luck!!!

Thank you I am still no further forward at the minute. Myself and my fiance are off work in a just over a week so we are going to go and pick up the forms and just hope that they decided to let us get married in the church. If not I guess we will have a civil ceremony somewhere. Thank you.

Hi, I'm in a very similar position. H2B works 4 in 6 weekends, so he can hardly go at all - I'm happy going alone though. Our church have Sunday evening services and church on Tuesday nights as well. Is that a possibility for you? I try and get involved with extra-curricular church things as well to show willing, and of course will be doing all the marriage preparation etc. Is there anything like that you could volunteer for to show commitment?

Have you spoken to the vicar in person, had dinner or anything? I think the vicar was a bit reluctant until we met in person and he approved of us as a couple. Charm him !

For catholics wedding is one of the 7 sacraments, such kind of exeprience would defnitely put girl into the fullfilment of her dreams hsving th dream wedding she always wanted