Civil or religious?

It was not such an issue for us. It's the second time for us both and a religious ceremony wasn't important if we could even have one! My daughter had a lovely civil ceremony in a hotel 3 years ago, so we fancied something similar.

Personally I think that if you arent religious then you shouldnt get married in church. My H is very very atheist so there was never any chance we would be married in church.

Its not like the only other option is a registry office as these days it isnt and there are some amazing venues with just as much atmosphere as a church.

I agree about getting married in a church. Either way we'd get married in a hotel, just not sure whether we'd like a registrar of a minister to conduct the ceremony.

I think the fact that I'm so indifferent suggests that I shouldn't have a religious ceremony.

Word of Warning------This thread has the potential to get a heated reaction to the one you posted the other day.

We have opted for a church service (I have a feeling I may get flamed for this) - like you I have not been to church for a long time (apart from the CHristmas Carol service last week) I do not pray. But I do believe in God, I'm just not strictly religious with it. And I do think it's traditional to get married in a church. But my reasons are that I can't imagine myself marrying anywhere else, and for me it wouldn't feel like a proper wedding if it was not in a church.

Wow, I really didn't think anyone would have a problem with this thread since I was only asking people what they were doing! I really hope it doesn't get a bad reaction as I meant no offence to anyone!

I don't think you can have a religous ceremony outside of a church to be honest.

I probably made it sound worse than it is, all I meant that some people have real strong views on this sort of thing. I've always been a bit wary of admitting I'm marrying in a church when I don't go to church. But like I said - for me I couldn't imagine marrying anywhere else.

Actually if you have a civil ceremony you can then have a blessing by a priest/rabbi etc

As we considered doing this cause I'm jewish and Stupidboy isn't so having civil ceremony, but we decided not to in the end.

I don't think it's a contentious issue asking your question - its more people reacting to what is religious/justifying marrying in a church/synagogue etc.

Its entirely upto the individual and I would never presume to judge someone on whether they were *religious* enough to marry in a church.

*scared incase I get flamed now too....*!! ?

Civil ceremony - as I didn't want to make my vows in front of a god I don't believe exists. Would've undermined the wedding somewhat.

We had a civil ceremony. I was raised Methodist and have been confirmed, but H comes from a family of lapsed Catholics, doesn't believe in God and has serious issues with organised religion of any kind. He really didn't want to marry in church for those reasons, so we didn't. My Dad asked the minister if he was able to perform a ceremony at a hotel and he said no, so I wouldn't hold out too much hope of that if I were you Jen.

WSS, except i am CofE, and h2b's family aren't lapsed (though he is). h2b feels strongly that as he doesn't believe in god, he would be being hypocritical getting married in a church and saying his vows in front of a god that he doesn't think exists, so we are having a civil ceremony. our families are disappointed but it's not up to them. we'll make sure it's a lovely ceremony, with more than just the 5 mins legal stuff, and although our ceremony room in our hotel is not as beautiful as a church, it will mean more.

not looking to criticise anyone getting married in a church, just our personal views.

PS jen - i think in scotland you are freer to have different types of ceremonies (eg hand fasting and humanist) and they are legally binding, so i would look into it more IIWY. you might get some more luck with some of the other 'old married' (?) scottish hitchers. good luck.

Sounds like your h2b and my H are very similar! My Dad was upset, and that was the only thing that bothered me about not getting married in church. He wanted us to marry in the church my parents married in and I was baptised and confirmed in. H had a long chat with Dad about his reasons for not wanting to marry in church and Dad relented. On the day, in his speech, he said H is "a man of strong principles, which I completely respect" and I'm sure he was talking about that. It actually worked out better for us in the end, as Dad wouldn't have been capable of travelling between church and reception venue. Having everything under the one roof worked for that reason, amongst others.

Our ceremony was lovely - everybody commented on it at the time and family who couldn't make it who have since seen the DVD have also said what a lovely ceremony it was. And when we've shown people who were there the album, they've pointed at the registrar and said how great she was and what a lovely ceremony she made it. We had two readings by family and two readings by the registrars as well as all the legal stuff and she added in some lovely personal touches and made a couple of jokes, which suited us perfectly. You have a meeting with your registrar before the wedding (ours was over the phone as we married over 200 miles from where we live) and they tailor it to suit you.

I've rambled a bit, but I hope that's helped!

H2B isn't religious at all, and although I'm catholic I don't go to church very often at all.

We decided to go abroad, and although we could have had a catholic ceremony in Greece, I felt it a bit hypocritical as one of us doesn't believe in religion at all, although he was happy for me to choose a church if I felt it important. So we're having a civil ceremony. x

That's the most important part of it Zippy. I do believe in God but you don't have to go to Church to show this. My H and I are great believers that God is everywhere not just in Church!

I would not agree that somebody should get married in a Church if they were not religious. Why get married in a Church? Because it looks good in the pictures?

My point is Jen, if you want a religious service but are worried that you haven't been to Church in a while then don't worry. Do what you feel comfortable doing. What ever feels right.

I used to be a bit religious when I was younger. My mother and her family have always had a strong faith and I was schooled by nuns until I was 21! I used to be involved in the local church and community too even getting involved in teaching Catechism at one stage. My dad is very anti-Catholism but always encouraged us to go to Mass to pleas our mum. Since leaving Ireland, I haven't been involved in Church. I have a wavering faith and for me, the appeal of church has always been more about the community vibe rather than the God stuff.

I always thought I'd get married in a Church as it wouldn't feel right otherwise, but that's not happening as it would be way too much hassle to organise a church in Vegas! I would like a blessing at some stage.

OH is very anti-Church for his own reasons. If I'd insisted on a Church wedding though, I know he would have agreed.

We don't go to church, we're not religious (I'm agnostic, H is athiest), the church plays no part in our life, it would have been ridiculous and hypocritical for us to get married in a church...and we would have been making promises to someone we don't believe in so that would have devalued them IMO.

We knew from the start we'd have a civil ceremony, and it's great that nowadays there are so many beautiful venues to choose from - ours had lots of atmosphere without needing to be a church, IYSWIM. H's family have all tended to get married in church so not many of them had been to a civil ceremony before and I don't think they knew what to expect. The comments we had afterwards were so lovely - they were really impressed, said what a personal and lovely ceremony it was (we chose a couple of readings to personalise it more and everyone loved them, especially 'The Lovely Love Story' by Edward Monkton which fits us very well and people thought we had changed it / written it especially for us!). People also enjoyed the fact that it was only 30 mins (quite long for a civil ceremony!)!

We had a civil ceremony in a hotel. For us this was perfect for us. Although H and I are both christened and I used to attend church (and Girls Brigade) when I was younger out of my own choice (family isn't religious) neither of us have attended church for years and as I got older I have had serious doubts in all things religious. It would seem totally fake for us to have got married in a church and – to be brutally honest - as I stood there I would have probably been thinking "what a load of rubbish" so for us it was always going to be a civil ceremony no question (much to the dismay of some family members).

I think the main thing about getting married in Church is that you believe - IMO I don't think that "proving" it by going to church every week matters really, if you believe it in your heart then that is what matters. I know others who feel strongly about this will disagree with that and I respect that.

We had a civil ceremony yet nearly all our friends who are married (bar one) had a church wedding. For me a civil ceremony is more personal. I loved our ceremony, our register made it really about us and our love and it was really relaxed and not imposing and everything she said was perfect. A lot of our friends have gotten married this year and we've been told by quite a few of them that our ceremony was the most emotional and touching. At the risk of being flamed… whenever I have been to a church wedding I always think that there is 35 mins of the vicar talking about God etc and hymns and then the couple getting married is sort of rushed in for 5 mins in the middle. For me a wedding is about the couple and a civil ceremony deals with that better IMO. Again, for people who are religious no doubt for them it is vitally important to say their vows in front of God and that the address by the vicar is extremely important to them. Its all down to what you believe.

H2B and I are both Christened, but neither of us are particually religious. We decided a civil ceromony was for us because we wanted to be married in a beautiful waterside location, which was more important to us than being married in front of "God".

XxLxX

We are travelling to Scotland to have a Humanist ceremony. We didn't feel that a religious ceremony was appropriate to us, and I dislike registrar ceremonies (just my personal). The Humanist Celebrant seemed the best option for us.

Church wedding for us. OH belongs to a church, I was never christened coz mum got german measles on my christening day so I dont belong to a church. But I have a faith and so does he. He couldnt imagine himself NOT being married in a church, nor I for that matter. PLUS we will have our kids christened.

Ive had a few friends married by retired ministers in hotels and castles....they had a religious ceremoney of their own making and it was nice.

Churches are amazing buildings, arent they?..... the architecture, the art work, the smell..... lol Love them!

We got married in a hotel with a civil ceremony, as neither of us are religious/go to church. We both wanted to mean everything we said in our vows. If we had married in church we would have been saying things like 'serving god' etc, which we wouldn t have meant, so would have been totally hypocritical.

I totally agree with this. When me and my H2B got engaged I immediately started thinking about churches, then I actually thought about it and started to question myself as to why. H2B and I have both been christened but are not religious, I have my own spiritual beliefs but none really relate to Christianity. So like others have said, I think it would be quite hypocritical for us to get married in a church and as such, that's sort of what I believe - if you don't at least believe in the Christian God, I don't really feel you should get married in a church. But if you do, as LisaLouLou said, then I don't feel that it necessarily matters as such if you don't go to church every week. I think it matters more that you do have true faith. But obviously that is just my view, and I can see why some people would disagree with that if they do take time out of their lives to go to church every week to worship.

Aside from the hypocritical thing, I would be another one (as someone else pointed out) who would probably be standing there during the church service thinking "this means nothing to me." I would rather have a civil ceremony without hymns or religious readings, church vows etc and replace them with readings/music/songs/vows that we can choose and that would mean more to me and my H2b.

I hope that helps your decision - but obviously when it comes down to things, what matters is what just feels right for you and your OH - regardless of mine or anyone else's views!

Is that not going to cause problems? H hasn't been christened and we were told it was (Methodist) minister's discretion whether they would allow him to marry in Church, but that certain denominations wouldn't allow it at all.

I am not religious and neither is my H2B so for that reason we never even considered a church wedding. I wouldn't inflict this on anyone else though - you do want you feel right x

Like others have said H2B and I aren't particularly religious, ie not practising and as such we decided that it would be more appropriate for us to have a civil ceremony. As someone else said you do have a few more options if you are getting married in Scotland as Humanist ceremonies are now legally binding

Thanks everyone for your input! ?

I think I'm moving further away from the thought of a religious ceremony to be honest. Purely for the fact that I don't know if I believe in God.

I also read up about humanism and it aligns almost exactly with my beliefs! It definitely made for some very interesting reading! I spoke to H2B about it and he's not sure he likes the thought of a ceremony that isn't legally binding the world over, though.

I think what people tend to do is have a civil ceremony first and then the humanist ceremony as a blessing - this is certainly what our friends are doing later in the year...in fact I thought they had to have the civil ceremony first but I'm not sure.

You have to have a civil ceremony if you are marrying outwith Scotland but Humanist cermonies are legal now in Scotland so there is no need to have a civil ceremony first

I'm having the same problem. I haven't been to church in around ten years but that doesn't affect my beliefs. We are looking into venues and have seen some beautiful places. My dad recently told me that as a father he wants to walk me down a church aisle and that it would mean so much to him. Although this would't be anywhere near the only reason for a church wedding this is now definitely playing on my mind. How do I book a venue knowing this could upset my dad and is this going to be on my mind on the day? I am a very family orientated person and although the day is about me and my h2b I want to try to keep everyone happy. HELP!!

I'm having the same problem. I haven't been to church in around ten years but that doesn't affect my beliefs. We are looking into venues and have seen some beautiful places. My dad recently told me that as a father he wants to walk me down a church aisle and that it would mean so much to him. Although this would't be anywhere near the only reason for a church wedding this is now definitely playing on my mind. How do I book a venue knowing this could upset my dad and is this going to be on my mind on the day? I am a very family orientated person and although the day is about me and my h2b I want to try to keep everyone happy. HELP!!

I guess I'd have to say that you can never keep everybody happy (though I completely understand the feeling of trying to)! While your dad may be upset if you don't get married in a church, he'd get over it. How will you feel if you go for a church wedding for him and look back and think 'Ugh, I wish I'd not done that'.

At the end of the day, you have to make the decision that makes you and your H2B happy. If you believe in God and you'd like to get married in a church then go for it! If you're not bothered either way, then maybe it's better to go for the church to keep the peace but if you feel strongly that you don't want to, then don't, you would only regret it!