Compromises

If the veil and the hair colour don't really bother you, I would let your Mum think it is a big compromise for you. That way, she will think you are really considering her views but you won't actually be losing out on something that is very important to you. You quickly learn what it is worth arguing over!

I did that with the cake. Very early on in the planning my Mum said "You will be having a proper wedding cake", meaning a fruit cake. I wasn't at all bothered about cake either way, so I let her think she'd won that battle!

As for the top table, we went for round (although with the more traditional people sat there) and it was lovely, we felt it was much more sociable than a long top table. Having your Mum and Dad on the top table may seem very important to you, but if it's going to cause an atmosphere you may have a much more enjoyable meal if you your parents are separated and you are with your sister and wedding party. It may not be exactly what you would have wanted but you may end up having a lot more fun.

You have my sympathies!

people have been quite demanding, I'm managing to ignore but my poor OH keeps getting the brunt of my frustration.

so far I've been told we must have fruit cake even though me and OH don't like it, by both mum and inlaws. I must invite mums brothers who are pretty much never leave the house and I haven't seen them in years, from one side we are told we must provide a bus for guests and the other side saying we must not provide a bus for our guests. We must feed everyone chicken, FIL insists someone must say grace before we eat but told us it won't be him (we're not even religious), FIL told us quite angrily he is paying for a piper for us and I was to tell my sister that we no longer wanted her to do it. He has also very kindly given us a list of countries we are not allowed to visit on our honeymoon and possibly my favourite we are no longer allowed to invite a family friend of OH as she has dared to find herself a man after being widowed for 8 years, as it is insulting to her late husband!

I don't think people realise how much it can hurt when they are so demanding, I wouldn't have thought dads GF normally go on the top table though. I'm having my mums partner on the top table but that's because I'm not inviting my dad so will work out fine. Fingers crossed you can sort it out!

I would also have to agree that you don't want tension on the top table, you should be relaxed and happy so if it is likely to cause problems they may have to host their table each. What about Your OH's mum and dad? Have you discussed the option of the separate tables with your mum and dad to see what their reactions are?

I am sorry but I had to laugh at this (not at you but in a 'i cant believe it' way) I can't even imagine what it must be like to be told such things. Some things you hear you can put it down to the views of a different generation but some of these things are so petty and I can't believe that families even try to impose such ridiculous-ness on a bride and groom on their wedding day!

I know I thought it was a joke and started laughing, quickly realising it wasn't a joke! He actually said she was a hussy I was shocked he is very old fashioned and believes she is betraying her late husband. I told him what I thought but he is 78 and wouldn't be told.

I have however forgotten to mention to him that she's still invited, along with her new partner, but then I'm evil!

Oh Wow MrsM , i appear to have gotten off quite lightly so far! When do you get married?

My mum did mention that we should maybe have fruit cake , but the only person i can maybe think would miss it is my grandad, so might get the cake place to make an indivual one for him and his friend.

My dad mentioned a couple of Aunties/Uncles i have never met and one of them is a massive flight risk and if the wife is feeling 'that way out' in the morning then they wouldnt turn up, so i put my foot down at that one, i arnt paying for people when there is a high chance they wont turn up.

xx

We're 3rd August, I've perfected the smile through gritted teeth so all is fine! Yeah if I was you I'd definitely not invite someone who might not turn up on the day that's just a waste!

My mums argument with my hair is that i might look back in so many years and regret having red hair on my photos. Which, i see her point in a way but im just going to go back dark chocolate brown with a deep red tone to it, and then prob go red again after the wedding lol.

The veil thing didnt bother me a wholeee lot, i was always going to have a veil anyway but i think its just that people feel they can have more of a say then i was probably expecting!

Maybe i underestimated how zilla-ish some family members would get when its not even their day lol x

After endless compromising (honestly, I asked OH if we could call the wedding off about 3 months before hand) I learned one thing, compromise on small things you dont really care all that much about. But anything important , like table layout/plans etc, stick to your guns or you will regret it. Fortunately I found some guts in time for doing the table plan. It pissed off someone in particular! But on the day they didnt say a word and everyone else was happy with everything, as were me and OH. Please do what you want if it is important, if its important then it isnt worth sacrificing for an easy life.