contributions

My dad won't pay a penny his statement is my wedding I pay. Tradition means nothing to my family.

My mum and dad only contributed what they could afford, which they have aid for my wedding dress and few other little bits!

In this day and age more people are paying for their own weddings!

My parents are contributing a third of our wedding cost (about 5K). We didn't expect them to contribute anything and they told us they were doing so after we had booked our venue and had come up with a budget we could afford ourselves. The money really does relieve the pressure from us a bit and it is certainly more than we could have hoped for!

My dad has offered to contribute about £3k. The wedding is alot more than this but i was over the moon with this offer. The OHs family on the other hand is the opposite. We have nothing to do with his mum and his dad is as tight as a ducks behind! He could afford to contribute but has decided not to. Thats fine.

In this day and age most people pay for the majority of their weddings.

Mine paid for elements of the day. Mum paid for my dress for example. Perhaps give him an option to pay for the venue only if he is expecting to pay quite a bit or a few suppliers if he's not? Write things down for him in order of importance and voice your concerns that you feel he's stretching himself too much and to only pick what he can afford x

We are paying for the wedding ourselves, my mum asked if she could buy the cake and OH's parents want to get us a piper. I don't think there is as much pressure on the brides family to pay for weddings as much these days. Why don't you ask your dad if their is something specific he would like to pay for such as your bouquet or dress?

My parents aren't contributing anything. I don't believe the age-old tradition really stands anymore, and they've also got no money themselves, but his parents wanted to help us and DO have money, so offered to pay a few £k each. Which is great, but I feel a little guilty that my parents aren't contributing yet we're taking his parents money.

We made it clear to my parents that we wouldn't accept any contributions (not that this stopped them trying).

I don't think you should mention concerns about him stretching himself or committing to more than he can afford - older men, especially Dads, are proud b*ggers and I know mine would respond VERY negatively to me suggesting that he might not manage it.

I think the idea of presenting him with a finite cost item e.g. the wedding venue, could be better.

Or, of course, you don't tell him what the total cost is.

When I got married the first time we were prepared to pay for everything, but my parents said they would help with material for mine and the bridesmaids dresses (I made them from a pattern bought through Womans Weekly! ?) and his mum & step dad helped with the catering and cake.

This time round neither of us have fathers, so though I know my mum will want to help with something (despite me protesting otherwise) we will still plan as if we were paying for it all ourselves, and if anything is contributed to along the way we will accept it graciously.

Of course he wants to help, but maybe doens't have any idea how much each thing costs, so doesn't feel able to say 'right, I'll pay for such and such'.

Good luck x

Thanks girls.

He said he had been googling what fathers of the bride are supposed to pay for bless him. I did have to remind him that tradition also states that mother of the bride and mother of the groom are in charge of the guestlist but thats not happening!!

my mom wants to pay for my dress which is really generous of her. he said to let him know what we want him to pay for so I think we are going to ask for whatever he can afford towards the venue as thats the biggest expense. Plus I dont want to suggest a specific thing for him to pay for and find out its more than he wanted to pay!

x

My parent's aren't contributing much financially - enough for the invitations (whether we go DIY or made). They're really hard up at the moment, and just don't have the spare income. They were going to pay for the cars, but as soon as I made it clear just how much the cars were, and said I wasn't happy for anyone to pay for that, they pulled out, which I was really pleased about. They are being supportive in other ways though, which is fab.

OH's family, so far, have offered to pay for the TOG, but haven't yet (booked last summer). I kind of expected it, so budgeted for us paying. In fairness, they're getting married themselves next year and are paying for us to go out to Cyprus with them for it - so I guess I'm getting a very expensive tan paid for!

I would feel really bad if either parents contributed more than small token things to our wedding - it's our choice to get married, so why should they foot the bill? (I appreciate that many peoples' parents contribute, and that's cool it's just not for me and my family).

My Dad is quite traditional so when we got engaged he sat us down and said that he'd like to pay for the reception, which we gratefully accepted. When it came to the invitations they were worded so that it was my Mum and Dad that the invitation came from.

My parents have contributed just over half of our budget (around 5.5K total) and my grandparents have bought my dress (£450).

We are very lucky in that my parents are very traditional and have said that they would pay for it all and OH's Mum is contributing about £3k and OH's Dad about £1k. We are very grateful for this and never asked them to pay for anything, we were all ready to start saving & pay for it ourselves!

Hiya - My dad is unlucky enough to have two daughters and so he said we can have £5k each, and I believe he has been saving this for us since we were little :-) awwww. When we started talking weddings he said he would like to give us this amount and it's just £700 shy of the venue price so e's pretty much paying for that for us. Because he is paying the venue directly I think it feels like he's paying for that and sorting it out himself.

We're paying ourselves and have planned a wedding that we can afford.

I'm sorry I can't help much with how to broach the subject with your dad, other than to say you could discuss elements of your planning with him, disclosing prices, so he has the opportunity to offer to pay for something that may be in the price range he has in mind. Wishing you luck :o)

Thats not a bad idea actually. If I just drop prices into conversation he could have a think in his own time and get back to me without being told a specific price. Thanks x

We are paying for most of it ourselves and never expected anything from either set of parents. However OH's Dad has contributed to the honeymoon and my parents have very generously paid for my dress, the band, hair and make up for me and bridesmaids and the wedding cake.

We sat down with both sets of parents - they both offered to pay £5000 each towards the wedding anything more me and my partner are paying for.

Luckily, neither of us was the first sibling to get married, so the trend had been set with both families before we got engaged. H's parents are quite well off and made it clear to us all that there would be £X available to us when we got married.

My dad inherited a substantial sum of money from an elderly aunt and said straight away (around the time my sister got engaged) that it would be split between me and my sister. As it happens, this exactly matched the amount that H's parents gave us.

I'm so glad there was never the issue of sitting down and asking.

Agree. The idea of saying "We are getting married. Do you want to contribute anything?" or, worse "We are getting married. Will you please help us?" filled me with horror.

You're very welcome - and there's me thinking I can't help!

Let's hope he gets the hints - he is a man after all

Same here which is exactly why we never did it, it appears so rude! Plus the fact that we never expected anything. Guess me and my dad had different ideas of proper ettiquette haha x

My parents are giving both me and my brother a sum towards our weddings (£2.5k) which my fiancé and I have decided to use as our budget but my brother is having a much bigger do so that sum just forms part of it.